Non pushy support

[Bexterfish]

My dd is 2.5. She can write her name without help, and loves writing letters and learn phonics etc. She can recognise most letters (Ive bit taught her the alphabet song yet) and recognise words like mummy, daddy, her own name etc. I've bought her some writing books because she's so interested but others tell me im being pushy. I don't make her do anything she doesn't wasn't to. I've no idea about gifted or anything like that Tbh I'd never really heard of that before I came here today but she's clearly bright. She could talk in full sentences at 2. Was potty trained day and night at 2. She can count to 10 but sometimes forgets 6&7. When she sees new words she will say 'that's a m for mummy ' etc. Surely encouraging her interest isnt being pushy? She'll be going to private school so she probably won't be stand out bright there (fairly sure she would be ahead of the curve in state school). I'm not sure what I'm asking. I don't want to be pushy but if she wants to learn surely it's ok? And any I right in thinking she's showing great potential?

Yes, it's actually agree that state school may be a gamble for a bright kids if they get good support or not. But I also see the problem comparing children at this early stage, and say others who can't do what your dd can is thick.

Please don't hear me say I think others are thick. I was trying to say if average then maybe I don't know other average children because she seems very above average at the moment.

Your dd is still very young and they all develop at different times.
I think what you are doing is fine as long as you aren't presenting work books to her, rather than just buying them and leaving them around.
The important thing is to support rather than encouraging them to move too far in front of their peers.
Otherwise they are mighty bored in school, if they aren't too good at differentiation.

The works is brilliant for early years learning and not expensive.
I would also encourage lots of Art, colouring and drawing to encourage creativity.

Thank you. I had a lot of potential as a child that no one fostered. I dont want to let my child down the way I was let down but I don't want to be pushy either

Please don't hear me say I think others are thick. I was trying to say if average then maybe I don't know other average children because she seems very above average at the moment.

I think you’re missing the point. Your DD is doing well and developing in key areas. How she’s doing compared to her peers at 2.5 is irrelevant. There is such a spectrum of how/when children reach milestones.

My DS could tell long, complicated, grammatically perfect stories at 2.5, and read a simple book (aimed at 5-6 year olds) at 3y/o. At 4 he couldn’t write his name as his fine motor skills hadn’t caught up.

At 18 months DD could speak in full sentences at climb up apparatus. Her best baby friend at the time could neither speak nor move. The friend now has a reading age four years above her own age, and is showing great talent in sport.

Comparison is the theif of joy, but also not useful (and not all that nice) to try to compare abilities so young.

‘Gifted’. ‘Average’. ‘Thick’.
It’s awful to label children in this way.
Intelligence isn’t fixed at birth, or by the time children finish nursery, or even at adulthood. And there are other kinds of intelligence that are equally important in life, like emotional intelligence.
My children couldn’t write their own names at three, or read. But why would they? I never tried to get them to do it.
My seven year old is doing very well at his state school. Him along with all his other hoi polloi chums.
I cannot afford to send him to state school as both I and DH are dedicated public sector workers. But if I could afford it, I still wouldn’t.

Obviously, I meant private school!

My niece sounds like your daughter. Preschool age was very advanced for their age academically however wasn't great behaviour wise or motor skills etc.. now at private school as other kids getting to grips with reading and writing she's not so far ahead as peers in these areas...they all have peaks and troughs I'd advice focusing on any areas she needs to develop (sport, drawing, shapes, messy play etc) so she's not bored of reading and writing before even starting school

Nuffaluff me and dh are also "dedicated public sector workers" we make or choices and sacrifices.
Thirty my Dd is good at gross motor skulls to. I don't think she's behind average in anything tbh ...she's average at numbers but most people think she's at least 3

Why the embarrassed face?

You don't need to be modest here. It is G&T board.

My dd is exceptionally gifted and I too have made sacrifices for her education, not all monetary.
I think it's important to encourage them but also to be aware they have additional needs and look for a school that can provide the support they need.
Not all schools can do this, in fact, you can live in an area where no schools can do this.
If this is the case then imo you are a fool not to find a private school than can cater for their needs.

There's one good school but were not in catchment and buying a house in catchment write would be more expensive than private education! Her 5yr old cousin came round today and her mum says my daughter's wiring is significantly better than hers and she's been at school for a year.

If she is exceeding with regular age expectations with academic stuff, next step to take is art/foreign language/ sport/music, etc, all the extra curricular stuff, I think, while carrying on encouraging her with academics as well.

Comparing her to others is pretty pointless at this stage op. They all develop at different rates, and imo a lot is down to personal interest too. And as someone who at first didn't notice dd was more than just an early developing bright dc, and now doesn't really care where exactly she is, it seems a bit unhealthy to be concerned about whether her writing is better than her cousins, or what her peers can do.

By all means carry on following her interests, but it's just a little too early to be worrying she'll stand out too much in a state primary.

If she enjoys learning and you enjoy teaching her, I cannot see the problem. A child's ability will increase with education. Just so long as it is balanced with other things like going to the park, going to playgroups or just time to relax and daydream.
She is ahead and some schools deal better than this than others. Choose the school you think is right for her and rather than anticipate it being a problem, deal with it if it arises.
She is your dd and so bring her up as you want and think is right. The others using derogatory terms like "pushy" are welcome to bring up their children as they wish, and it is their problem if they cannot accept it is not how you have decided to bring up yours.

I'm disgusted at the language you've used to describe other children "thick" and also your attitude to state schools.

Your little girl does sound very able at the moment. This does not in any way mean she will continue to excel throughout her school career. I am not saying this to be rude or belittle her but it's a fact of life. She may well end up excelling academically but a child's ability at 2/3 does not guarantee future academic success.

Waitingonasmiley42 you clearly haven't followed what ive actually said. In my experience state schools have a tenancy to abandon able pupils because their priority (understandably) is to focus on those struggle academically. I feel that as a child who won't struggle I have like choice but to send her to state. As I've said about 6 times If you have state school that's not like that great. Ime they are the exception and Lucky you. But near me the only good state schools are in areas that are more expensive to live than private fees so effectively private by another name. I've not judged anyone for sending their child to state school, I've just made that choice for my child. For some reason a decision you're all tearing me apart for. I was failed by a school that didn't have time for kids that were doing ok by themselves, never pushed or challenged because they knew I'd do ok by myself. I want more for my child than that. I'm no snob, private isn't a financial walk in the park for us but a decision I feel offers the best to my child.

As for thick. Maybe a poor choice of words but as I already said. People here keep telling me my child is totally average, but she's way ahead of her peers, so if she's average then does that make her friends below average??i don't think so, i think her friends are average for their age and she's above average but mn tells me otherwise. I know kids excel at different things but she's ahead of the curve at everything - gross and fine motor skills, language etc (except maths/ numbers where she's pretty average). I'm not saying she's 'gifted' or anything super special but she's clearly very bright.

I came here looking for advice on how to help her without being 'pushy' but seem to have just got slammed for my school choice!

That should say "i have little choice but to send her to private" not like and state

You’re not being slammed for sending her to private school. You’re being slammed for the implication that the children who go to private school are brighter/more academically able than children who go to state school (you said she’s ahead of the curve at state school but not at private school). That isn’t true. We have looked at a few private schools and while they are extremely lovely environments with lots of opportunities for children, those opportunists are available to anyone who has the means to go.
Your daughter does sound bright. My DD2 is very similar, as I outlined above. She can recognise many words written down (although this isn’t reading), recognises and can write the whole alphabet, can write her name without help etc. DD1 could read at 3 (she’s 4 now and starting school in September).
The thing about being ahead of the curve at this age though is that it’s no guarantee of academic success later in life. Other children catch up. DD1 didn’t talk until 2.5 but could read and write at 3. DD2 was talking in full sentences at 15 months. It’s all fairly immaterial.
By all means send her to the school that you think it’s best suited to her, no one has an issue with that.

but she's way ahead of her peers, so if she's average then does that make her friends below average

You're looking at some skills (recognising letters, counting, ) and assuming that it defines what average is. They're also skills you practice with her, both you and her value those skills so there's obviously lots of re-inforcement encouraging them.

Other families, and children value different skills at that age. Also remember because of the massive advantage that fitness and aerobic health gives to young kids, there are lots and lots of kids who are ahead at everything at age 3, but it's mostly health related and lack of time to develop true specialism.

You’re being slammed for the implication that the children who go to private school are brighter/more academically able than children who go to state school

At private school there are fewer children whose parents don't give a f... about whether they learn it not (If you're paying 10k you usually make your kids do homework) and as there's entrance tests there are fewer of those who are needing extra support and for that do need additional support they have the staff to teach them so the teacher doesn't have to focus on those that are barely keeping up. There are plenty of bright kids in state school but there's also a cohort of kids who are not at all academic.

You are totally wrong that you think other children who can't do things your dd can and think she is above average. That's her interest. Others spend times pursuing other things. That's why I gave example of my ds, who was actually way above average at that age. Recognising letters or counting to your dd's level is bright, but doable and not exceptional if the parents focus on those at that age. That's why comparing is meaningless at this stage. Nobody is tearing you apart for decision to send her to private, it's just your attitude of comparing her to friends or cousins and thinking she is better, that bothers me. And I have already said, I think there is nothing wrong with supporting and encouraging her interests.

Oh I've followed what you've said. I'm a teacher and fully aware of some of the negative aspects of schools. There is nothing wrong with choosing a private school.

Your suggestion that children aged 4/5 in a state school will automatically be less able than private school pupils is ridiculous. Clever and able children go to both private and state schools.

It's your attitude and language that are so objectionable and unpleasant. Your child sounds lovely and keen to learn. This does not mean she is necessarily more intelligent than her peers. Young children learn at different rates and others may surpass her skills/abilities over time. Maybe she will continue to outperform them but it is not guaranteed.

Anyway, I better go an entertain my "thick" two year old.

There are also parents who send their children to private school because they value the sporting provision, or the music, or the drama... it’s not all about academics. MIL was a teacher at a private prep for 30 years and taught a huge range of academic abilities.