Going up a year, any experience of this?

[SirVixofVixHall]

My dd isn't madly happy at Primary and it has been suggested by a few different people that she might be happier going up to high school a year early. She is 9 now, ten soon, year 5. I think we have thought of most of the major points, but we are having a chat with the two heads next week, so do any of you have experience of this? Would be helpful to know the pros and cons really.

Hi there

I was moved up a school yr when I was younger for much the same reasons. It was great academically but awful socially. This did not manifest itself at first but did at age 12/13. I was still a kid and behaved like one whereas my peers became teenagers and I was just not cool. Result - being badly bullied for a couple of years. Every child is totally different so this may never be an issue with your DC but it would certainly stop me from moving my DC up a year.

If you have the time and resources - if there any way you can supplement or challenge your DC further outside school through G+T clubs, programmes, etc.

Also OP - you are FAR from failing your DD. It sounds like you are an excellent parent and are giving this decision the careful thought and consideration it deserves.

Thanks for the supportive messages. I feel rather foolish, as for some reason it didn't really sink in that they were likely to refuse, I really thought that it was just a formality and that they would agree as the High School were happy with the idea. Dd hasn't been really enjoying school for years and we have coasted along hoping things would get better. She cried in school over something minor last week and the head said he had wondered how she would cope with the pressure of high school, when he saw that. Its tricky, she is a very emotional child and doesn't deal well with pressure or stress, but she is also very hormonal at the moment, puberty is really kicking in, she is starting to get breasts and is generally all over the place mood -wise. However a lot of her stressyness disappears when she is mentally truly interested and engaged with something. I don't think she will be any less emotional at 11 than she is now either. We are trying to get to talk to the EP to establish her reasoning and get some more info.
I am mulling over home-ed for a year. She is tricky to teach at home, not very self motivated which isn't ideal with home-ed, but partly that is down to her being demotivated anyway. I don't feel i am a very good teacher either! Also her welsh language will slip at the point where it really needs to improve, as I am not fluent. I like the idea of taking her out a couple of days a week though...Is that actually possible? When we home-schooled for year 1 we did some interesting stuff, she was keen on archaeology so we visited digs and went out with a metal detector, that kind of thing.
I feel she would be so much happier with more diverse subjects and a much bigger friendship pool to pick from. She just isn't happy, and she is less sparkly and interested in things than she used to be. I am sure she is underperforming at school too. I am so stressed about it all i can't think straight. We let things coast because it felt as though there was so much time to allow things to change, but as she gets closer to 11 it all feels much more loaded, and it is hitting home how much of her enthusiasm has gone.

You're certainly not failing your DD - you want the best for her.

I would think long and hard before getting into a battle with the LEA over this - only do it if you have been advised that there is a good chance of winning. If you go into Y6 with a negative attitude towards the school it is likely that your daughter will pick up on it. If an appeal is unlikely to succeed, it would be better to start building good relationships and working with the school (if they are open to this).

Will she change teachers next year? What will her form teacher be like? In my experience this makes all the difference. My DD had a difficult Y5 in a mixed Y4/5 class with the same teacher she'd had for Y4. She had a new teacher for Y6 and despite the rather repetitive curriculum (it was during the French government's thankfully brief flirtation with SATs) it was a really positive year for her. Her teacher focused a lot on the "soft" skills that can be a challenge for many new secondary school students - organization, independent working, self-motivation, planning. It made the transition to secondary incredibly easy and we are still reaping the benefits four years later.

Same teacher next year, same class, but she will be in a mix with children a year younger rather than older, as she will then be part of the older group.
We do already have a negative attitude towards the school, as does dd, sadly. Hard not to really, as our head has been suspended and was really unsupportive and generally dreadful before that. I like the deputy, who is acting head at the moment, and I think he is bringing in new ideas, but everything takes so long to implement, he is overloaded as he has the legacy of the suspended head to deal with and lots of anxious parents, and I don't feel we have time to waste any more. DD isn't happy, she is getting more and more "what's the point of it? " about school and learning generally. This manifests in tears and babyish strops at home, and a sort of flatness to her somehow. (She is really hitting puberty which isn't helping).
I don't have the energy for a battle - it has been a grotty past year for me personally (close friend died in tragic circumstances). DD was the world's sunniest child for years, she loved reception, where she had a teacher who really "got " her. But ever since then school has been a struggle and a stress. She used to be such a positive little girl but she isn't very confident in school any more. She is still very sociable but there is a waryness there now, as she was bullied for much of last year. She sometimes gets called "weird" in school, and she is different to her classmates in all sorts of ways, and is aware of her differences, with no-one in school making her feel that she is valued, or even liked half the time. She comes out grumpy and quiet. She goes to youth theatre, they all get on well, the teacher is so positive about her, and she is a different child.
I really wish we had never put her into this school, but it is so hard to see from the outside how things will be, and then once they are there it seems unkind to move them. My smaller daughter is happy there at least. Although that has taken until this year (3). Honestly Dd is a lovely child, she is very kind, looks out for all the younger children, will stick up for anyone being picked on, she is naturally funny , friendly, sparky, observant, clever, and yet she isn't enjoying school . It is really worrying and really sad.

It's probably quite hard to disentangle actual "school issues" with the whole hormones/puberty thing, and also your daughter may well be reacting to the fact that you've also had a grotty year :(

My son had a very difficult Y6 - partly due to a rather pedestrian teacher (nothing wrong with her and she did a good job with the less able kids but she just wasn't very inspiring) but more importantly because his out-of-school "pressure valves" (various sports) weren't there, due to a traffic accident that left him in plaster for 3 months. If he'd had hormones to contend with as well it would have been disastrous.

I know you don't live near a big town but I think it would be worth looking at activities that might provide enrichment out of school. These don't necessarily need to be organised activities - for eg daughter took up music (guitar and singing) when she was only a little older than your dd and it was life changing. She also taught herself to touch type, and spent a lot of time writing on the computer. It's really important for bright children to have some stimulation but it's also important to encourage the attitude that learning isn't just at school.

She does do some out of school things, youth theatre, karate, gymnastics, singing. She is learning the flute. I find it hard to give her a lot of extra stuff as she is exhausted after school, and just wants to flop about. She likes to have a physical vent for her frustration , which is where the karate comes in..... She is a child who needs to run about outside every day. Her out-of-school life, friends, activities etc, is the part she enjoys. Its the school part that has gone to pot. And that is such a big part of their life, she comes home, has food, either goes out to a rehearsal or karate etc, then bath, bed. There isn't much time for anything else, once you factor in homework too. Weekends she has youth theatre, and we try to do something as a family, and she might see a friend, because she doesn't have good friends in her class. We also have to visit my Mum who is in a care home. I can't fit much else into her weekends, but we have possibly found a maths tutor to give her some extra stimulation, haven't met the tutor yet, so will see how that goes. Hasn't helped that my friend has died as she was also a music teacher of dds out of school, so dd has been sad about her dying and also has missed the extra stimulation and interests she got from the time she spent with her.
I really have no idea how we go forward. The letter from the LEA says that the EP feels her needs can be met within the school. But her needs have never been met within the school, I really can't see that suddenly changing. Ye Gods it is so stressful. We were told by the assessor that children like dd often do less well at GCSE than an averagely bright child. Partly as they don't learn how to work at things, and partly because they can get used to being bored, switch off, and lose interest and motivation. That is what is worrying me, I can see it happening now, and I want her to do well enough in high school to have all the options of careers and/or university later. I also just want her time at school to be reasonably happy, at the moment it is something she is resigned to, not something she enjoys.

We had this option when DD was in year 3 as she was years ahead of herself. She was confident and able but still a little girl emotionally, despite being tall for her age. Girls develop emotionally and physically as they grow and putting my 7 year old (Feb birthday) as she was then with girls who might be 10 was a concern. Also I felt it put a lot of pressure on her, what if she stalled and slid back, as some bright children can do. I also spoke with a friend who had this happen to her, she moved up a year and said it was the worst thing for her. In the end we moved her to a selective independent primary school where she is still top of the class but with her peers, the school have an enrichment class where she is stretched and the brightest are generally taught materials for the year above anyway. So whilst I was flattered, as would any proud parent be, for us the decision was that the best route was more challenging school. Yes we had to spend money and it wasn't easy, renting out rooms to make ends meet but it was the right decision for us. You know your child best, go with what is right for them.

namechanged once again...

Had a chat with my sil over midterm. Her daughter is now a lovely girl at medical school, (final year). She skipped 2 years at primary school.
ONly heard now that she would still sometimes find it "too easy" and not like school. Whenever that happened her mum took her out of school for maybe 6 weeks to do other stuff
Not a solution for everyone but thought that was quite an interesting solution...