Very bright child, bursary help but not with boarding :( need advice pls

[nappyqueen]

My ds (8) is very bright especially with reading. He gets very bored at school but only takes out his frustrations at home. School see it as they're teaching him so he's fine. He has so much more potential and they really are just treading water with him. I know I may sound pushy but he has so much to give and I see the ups and downs he has. When something interests him and he's actually learning NEW stuff he is happy and content but this is very rare and he's usually correcting his teacher!
He has been offered an amazingly high bursary for an independant school, our nearest suitable one, but its over 200 miles away and it only covers the tuition! He can't commute and I can't afford £6k a year boarding fees, help please!! I want him to get the amazing chance at this school but can't think how to make it possible. Boarding was never really in my mind but seeing what they can offer I have to put my ds's happiness 1st.

OP I understand your dilemma. About 6 years ago we were in an almost identical school situation with DS2 except he was outstanding at maths. We sent him to a boarding prep he was just 7 and he weekly/full boarded so I have no problems with children of this age boarding. But we only lived just under a 1 hour drive because of my work committments I could easily pop over for matches Wed/Sat take him home Saturday evening and attend the other many functions the school arranged. When he went into yr7 we moved 200 miles away and he and we hated it we hardly ever went to try school and also in this day and age there are less and less proper full boarders and he was often left in at the weekend with only a handful of others. This will especially apply to 8 year olds and you need to specifically ask the school exactly how many of his age full board. My DS still full boards at his senior school but we would say from experience don't travel for more than 1 1/2 hours this way you can still participate in school activities etc.
If you met my DS and saw the relationship that we have you would see that it has not damaged it in any way; people frequntly comment on how close we are and my DS has friends who have also boarded from an early age and they to have very strong happy relationships with their parents so don't listen to those who tell you that you will damage your DS for life.
One last thing Gordonstoun claims to offer generous bursaries but we know of a couple of people who've applied and were turned down flat so beware.

How on eath can there not be another 'suitable' independent school within 200 miles?

If you are adamant that he must go to this one then I suggest you move house to be close to it. I'm really not sure why you applied there at all if you didn't intend him to board and were not prepared to move. How very odd.

If the school wants your child and thinks they have something to offer, they will do what they can or signpost you to other sources of support. Talk to them frankly, and ask their advice on alternative schools nearer where you are that you could approach instead.

I know exactly where you are coming from with the "had never really considered boarding" - because we are now sending our 9 year old daughter to board at a choirschool next year (going into year 5) - she wants to sing and that's the nearest option for what she really wants. Mind you, 200 miles is a long way if you want to visit and would I suspect rule out weekly boarding. We're looking at a 3-4 hour round trip (depending on traffic) and chose not to look at an option that was a little further away because we thought that extra time on the round trip would be a straw too much.

Very best wishes for a good outcome.
(just realised I've only read the first page of 3 at this point - will read on after I've posted this!)

Ok, having read on, I've one other thought. You say the appropriate schools in Aberdeen are all day schools - have you looked at any of them anyway? In your position I would consider asking those schools if they have any experience with making arrangements for children who live too far to commute but need more than their local school can offer. I can imagine that "family boarding" might be possible - ie living with another family during the week that is local to the school. Or, are there senior schools with boarding houses that can take in a few younger children and coordinate with the day schools? A 60 mile distance sounds much more feasible than 200 to be honest. And especially so given Scottish weather.

Creative solutions called for, that is clear! Home schooling?? (tongue mainly in cheek as I imagine your work commitments make that seriously difficult) Best wishes squaring this circle successfully.

Unfortuantely, if you can't afford the cost of the boarding and the school won't up the bursary, then it's not an option. Blunt but those are the facts. It doesn't matter what the rest of us think about you sending him to boarding at 8, it's not an option for you.

So your options are:
a) look at Gordonston and see if there is any chance of a bursary there. If his current school situation is as bad as you say, I can't understand why you're completly disregarding the option of the best known private school in the area, apparently without having investigated fully
b) look at a transfer to another state primary in the area that might better suit his needs
c) extend him at home. If he's read all the books in the local library, join another one or get hold of a kindle for him. I was a very bright kid in a non-academic primary school. They didn't particularly extend me or my sister. Can't say it's caused any long term effects as we were encouraged at home.

We have a similar situation, applied for an excellent Indie purely on the offchance that the kid might get a good scholarship... which he did, we only have to pay $500 a year, but the bus fare isn't in included and is $1,600. We did know this beforehand though and had taken it into account when we worked out what was the highest amount we could pay for the education.

I really wouldn't do residential for such a young child. Especially if he will be one of the less wealthy students there... he could get bullied and not even have the release of coming home and telling you all. Plus, you won't know how he is faring in the new school since you won't be able to gauge after school behaviour.

I you can't board, and are desperate for him to attend, you will just have to move nearer.

"I really wouldn't do residential for such a young child. Especially if he will be one of the less wealthy students there... he could get bullied and not even have the release of coming home and telling you all."
Or alternatively no one will care that he is one of the "less wealthy" and he wont be bullied; there is no evidence that he will be more accpeted or less bullied in an indepdnent day school. In fact in my experience boarding children are more open to difference than day children because 1. they living side by side all the time and so much of their daily lives are the same they are no trotting home to their rich parents every day. At boarding prep most children also don't have so many possessions or home clothes. Anyway I suspect all our comments are a waste of time becasue the OP seems to be keeping rather a low profile.

My DS1 got a full scholarship aged 8 boarding at a small prep school, we were on benefits at the time! He was never bullied because of his background. He looks back with pride at his years there and admits he would have had no hesitation in sending his own DS there if it hadn't closed!
As for it causing problems, we didn't get that until he got to a senior school that was with the benefit of hindsight was the wrong choice for him.(Mainly day pupils small boarding rather than the other way and a wilful teenager who wanted to party with day pupils!) He now realises we did the best we could for him at the time and talking to us rather than getting into trouble would have been preferable!)
There was more snobbery and bullying in his siblings state primary!
Incidently DS2 joined him at the senior school also on a bursary. He had been offered a choir school aged 8 but turned it down and stayed at junior school because he didn't want to board. He was bullied at state school for 'being posh and brainy' We were the Daily Mail so called underclass!!
DD was offered a full bursary for a day place at a school that required too much commuting...we moved house!
So op...my point is, do what you feel is right...look at all the options including staying put and using extra curricular to stretch DS. We did that with DS2 and DD at junior level.

OP, I'd like to second what Pythonesque said - get creative with options that are closer to you. See if you can get a high-value bursary/scholarship to one of the day schools in Aberdeen, and then explore your options.

I went to an independent day school where there were 3 pupils whose parents lived abroad and who had a "family boarding" arrangement with local families. It worked wonderfully for them, and could do for you too. You would have to pay a bit, but not as much as boarding fees.

The other point I wanted to make is that you don't need to find a permanent solution right now. You can make a temporary plan and review it later.

Could you increase the mortgage on your house for 3-years worth of boarding fees (borrowing £18,000 would only add £85 per month to a typical mortgage, which you may find more affordable than £6000p/a!) - then use the first two of those years to assess what to do next. Once you know what effect the school has, you then have a year to make and enact a plan - if he is really thriving in the far-away school, you might decide that it's best all round for you and your partner to find new jobs further south. Or he might find he hates boarding and is happier at home. Or the 3 years extra maturity and stimulation from being stretched gives him the ability to stretch himself more with self-directed study at your local school. Or you might find that the rest of his peers "catch up" and by age 11 he's no longer massively advanced for his age (many children don't remain extraordinarily gifted throughout their education). Or, the school may be able to offer you further support after the end of 3 years - by which time they will have got to know him even more and possibly have earmarked him as one of their future "success stories" such that if you say "we will have to withdraw him next year as we can no-longer afford the boarding fees" - well, maybe that will given them the impetus to find some extra cash for boarding fees?

Could you sign him up for some Open University modules to study when his school work isn't advanced enough?

I went to boarding school at 8 years old and had an appalling time for 4 years. My parents thought I wanted to go as I had read Mallory Towers and was apparently desperate to go.

While I was there, despite being utterly, utterly miserable, it never occurred to me to say anything to my parents as I didn't want to upset them. Now, I can see how ridiculous that was, as we were extremely close, but I just thought what I was going through must be my fault in some way as the other kids seemed to have friends and got on well.

I loathed every minute of it and almost 30 years later it still makes my blood run cold. Eight years old is still almost a baby. Don't send your child to boarding school. You can't begin to imagine how sickening homesickness at that age can be.

In contrast, I absolutely loved my public school (also boarding). I was bright and had an academic and a music scholarship. If your child is naturally gifted, he can win a scholarship and bursary at secondary level and board then, when perhaps it might feel less of a wrench from home?

Bit late in the day to reply but have you considered Lathallan in Johnshaven,about 20 miles south of Aberdeen.
A family I know were in similar situation,moved to village close by and bought a lovely house for a really reasonable price,so their dd does not need to board now.