Very bright child, bursary help but not with boarding :( need advice pls

[nappyqueen]

My ds (8) is very bright especially with reading. He gets very bored at school but only takes out his frustrations at home. School see it as they're teaching him so he's fine. He has so much more potential and they really are just treading water with him. I know I may sound pushy but he has so much to give and I see the ups and downs he has. When something interests him and he's actually learning NEW stuff he is happy and content but this is very rare and he's usually correcting his teacher!
He has been offered an amazingly high bursary for an independant school, our nearest suitable one, but its over 200 miles away and it only covers the tuition! He can't commute and I can't afford £6k a year boarding fees, help please!! I want him to get the amazing chance at this school but can't think how to make it possible. Boarding was never really in my mind but seeing what they can offer I have to put my ds's happiness 1st.

I have a very bright son and I was told to move him to a boarding school. I didn't listen. If you want to move him to a private school it doesn't have to be boarding. Look for something closer to home.

If he really is that bright then surely he can win a scholarship somewhere nearer to you? If you really want an independant school are there other nearer options?

My DS's school has boarders as young as 7, usually they are either foreign nationals or forces children. But I do feel sorry for them though as it is very young to be away from home. Why not find other ways to stretch him then look for a nearer school when he is that bit older.

Dont get blown away by all the gloss that a good independant school seems to offer. Its a great educational experience, but not one worth trading time with your child that you will never get back for.

No, not at all. Like I said, flexi-bording, home on Friday night, back to school on Monday morning, a visit in the middle of the week, school concerts, long holidays. Phone calls in the evening.
2 of my DC been through this - one started at 11 and loved it from the first minute - he is in his mid 20th now and has no issues with hugging/bonding.
Second started at 9 as part time boarder and now asking to stay all week. Still as cuddly as a bear. That was the best I could do for them at the time.
Bad parents do not need to send their DC to independent schools - they can ignore them for free . And vise verse.

But to do the visit in middle of the week, attend concerts , matches and so on requires being closer than 200 miles away, otherwise it just isn't feasilble. I know bright children, some of whom went to weekly board at 13, who were well served by local day prep schools. Unless OP lives extremely remotely or there are specific circumstances which she hasn't yet shared, there will be other options and yes, a bursary is not based on academic potential but parental finances. If he is so academically able you want to send him somewhere that acknowledges that in its own right with an award, even at 8, to justify making such a drastic change.

I went to a state secondary school where children boarded - mainly social services/ forces children.

I have several friends who boarded from age 13 and who have mixed feelings about it. One thing they have all said is that their parents had no choice as they were abroad and the international school was rubbish or their parents were in the forces.

They spoke of the long weekends waiting for day school pupils and weekly boarders to come back.

I think boarding a teenager is a different prospect to an eight year old. My DD1 is 8 and I cannot imagine what it would be like for her to be away from her family.

I think it's incredibly unfair on this child, who is obviously hardworking and intelligent, to be living away from his family at such a young age. Op why not think again when he is older?

Sorry, I would not necessarily agree with "a bursary is not based on academic potential but parental finances."

Often the size of bursary is based on parental finances. However, getting the bursary in the first place, can frequently be linked with academic potential.

Why a school offers a bursary to a particular child is up to the school. But the essence of the bursary is that it is a means tested award to permit a child whose family could not otherwise afford it to attend the school.

Bursaries could be restricted to (or first call on the pot be from) children who also secured a scholarship (academic or otherwise).

As OP (who I hope will come back to the thread) has said it's a bursary, then I'd be a little pessimistic about getting a further award from the school, as by definition, they will already have information about her finances as part of the means-testing that is inherent in this type of assistance.

I am not doubting means tested (my DS is bursary) and they certainly ask a lot of financial questions (other than if it is parental job linked eg armed services/clergy). I do agree with you that they will have viewed all the families finances and offered what they think the family can afford (or made the most generous offer the board of governors will allow). I also think first "call from the pot" will be those that offer something (eg accademic ability, family loyalty, children already there whose families have fallen on hard times etc..). However, I also think with a young child just starting at a school though (assuming no family connections etc) that accademic potential maybe viewed as very important. Also at this young age the school may not offer scholarships yet (often not awarded till aged 10/11).

This maybe a form of early "scholarship" for less well off parents. I certainly think this child is very bright for a school to invest heavily at an early age.

Ditto .. Schools don't hand out bursaries unless DC is likely to benefit and earn good results the school can boast about to attract fully paying customers.
The danger of postponing the entry is that it might have negative effect if DC is unsettled/unchallenged.
It is a difficult situation and I do sympathize with OP. Hope you'll find a right solution.

Can't you move nearer the school then?

If you are dead set on the school go back to it in a few years' time. You won't ruin his chances by waiting until he's old enough IF he really wants to board.
I boarded but was a bit older. 8 is way too young imo, and only helps kids who don't have a stable home life otherwise. Just my opinion. Try to keep a sense of perspective and not get carried away.

Fancy being so bored, and knowing everything at 8: indeed, more than an adult!

Surely he is learning new things at school.... what about history, geography, science, etc? Or does he know all that too?

IF you have 3 children and one goes off to boarding school and the others go to their local school how will each of your children feel about this situation?

Hi OP here, sorry for not getting back on, obviously a crime to some people! Oops!
Thank you to those with some constructive advice etc, It was all I looking for as I don't really need critisism about my choices just help for the choice I've made!

1. I didn't plan to send any of my kids to boarding school - the only reason I have looked is through desperation. I planned on having my kids at home and going to the local primary school for a decent education. Not a lot to ask surely?!
2. We are in the far north east of scotland so there really isn't anywhere nearer. Aberdeen is over 60 miles and has day schools and Gordonstoun would have him but I feel it IS your old fashioned prep boarder and not suitable. Other than that it really is 100's of miles.
3. No I can't just move, if I could we would be in a lovely little village with house prices as cheap as chips and a high acheiving local state school where my kids can skip to school and be all happy and smiley!
4. He virtually does live in the library, dh works there and has to ask them to order more books! He read over 300 last year not including at school, home or in the library!
5. He does not just read well, he is advanced in all areas, has a high IQ, a strong will for learning and is BORED!!
6. He likes the idea of boarding, easy to say I know, but he knnows the realities of it and its 2 weekly boarding with big holidays and he would like to experience the opportunities there.

I have got to the point where we are so exasperated that I would up sticks now unfortunately reality prevents that as we both work and have other commitments.
As I say, thank you to those who have tried to help, I am so bogged down by all this that the positive comments do help, I don;t need judging I just need some help :( All I want is for him to be happy and maybe that does mean sending him away, for some kids that is how it goes, he is happy when he is learning, he is frustrated, angry, upset and irritable when bored, which child would you prefer?

To add, I would go back in the future, however, it is now I am worried about, he has been fairly stagnant at school for nearly 18 months now already. He doesdo other subjects, yet due to the amount he learns himself from book, TV etc often knows enough to 'pass' his age and stage learning targets at school before they start, the egyptians for example, he taught his teacher many new facts she was unaware of! Seriously! This is what I am trying to deal with. Got parents evening again this week and really dreading it :( tbh just had enough of fighting :'(

What about your other children though, what effect would sending your son away have on them and on the family unit?

"Got parents evening again this week and really dreading it tbh just had enough of fighting"

Don't assume that this will be the perfect answer though. You won't be there on a day to day basis to see whether this fulfils his needs and fight his corner if needs be. He may well just store up his frustrations until his home visits and then his behaviour may well be worse.

Why not look at independent schools closer to home. There must be some that wouldn't require him to board? It's all very well saying you have made your decision but if you can't afford the choice you have made then you might as well not have made it, surely?

Has he tried boarding? I wouldn't commit or even investigate getting funding unless I was sure he liked it. Ds is 7 has been offered a large scholarship and is required to do weekly boarding when he is 9 at a school that is 15 mins drive outside rush hour. I won't commit to him going until he has a trial boarding night.

From what you say it may be hard to find a suitable day school but I'm sure you could find something closer than 200 miles. That's realistically 4 hours driving each way. It means you would play no part in his school life, which would be too big a price to pay.

It is very easy to be bowled over if your child has a particular gift but it is your job as their parent to enable them to have the most well-rounded childhood they can whilst encouraging their gift.

I can understand the distances involved with schools in parts of Scotland (it crossed my mind when you mentioned 200 miles). There are certainly problems that can arise if siblings are educated differently from each other; especially if they feel financially one has been given more (even though it is understandable that different children suit different education environments). I would find it difficult to send my son boarding (he is 6 ) and he has been asking me to board!

Is there no way of holding off a bit longer? Scholarships along with bursaries are often more forthcoming at 10/11 years old? This age maybe more suitable for boarding to.

OP, I would really recommend you explore more local issues again. I know the NE well and there are many smaller independent schools between Aberdeen and Inverness. Gordonstoun is not your only boarding option, nor is it the old fashioned institution you may think. It may still have that image (and the uniform socks) but it is a very modern school with amazing opportunities and it offers bursaries. Clearly Aberdeen is a lot nearer - indeed Edinburgh is - than the 200 miles you are talking about sending your son. Edinburgh is less than 100 miles away from Aberdeen with great schools eg. Fettes yet it sounds as if you are planning a school in England. If you are truly set on a boarding school then I would certainly urge exploring Scottish options which will allow your son more opportunity to visit at weekends/half terms. There are also private day schools in many places which can offer a much more tailored education or a different ethos e.g a Montessori school.

www.ukprivateschools.com/scotland-private-schools.htm
and
www.montessorieducationuk.org/?q=schoolsaccreditation/accreditedschools/fife

may help you.

Adoptamana, sorry to correct you but Aberdeen is more like 130 miles to Edinburgh and then the 60 miles further north for the OP brings us to near the 200 miles - i.e. the boarding school in question may well be in Edinburgh

Being good at reading doesn't really mean anything IMO. It helps, but it isnt the be all and end all. My oldest child was the 'worst' reader in her class for years, had no intrest in reading whatsoever. Now she is at senior school her diligence and quiet interest in a subject is really paying off, she is achieving top marks in almost every subject (including English!).

@ 3nations, yup you are right. I was thinking more aberdeen to inverness.
But my main point still stands. There are, literally, dozens of school options available beyond boarding your 8 year old 200 miles away. There is no such thing as the perfect school and I think the OP should be considering options which do not require her to send her son away. Then again having your child 200 miles away does avoid fighting with teachers at parents nights!

And frankly if my child was reading 300 + books a year I would do 2 things. Firstly I would get more challenging books for them because if they are essentially reading about a book a day the book is probably too easy. Secondly I would probably find them some clubs to join - athletics, scouts, air cadets (of which there are plenty in the NE) rather than let them sit around reading all the time :)