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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

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Original poster

Very bright child, bursary help but not with boarding :( need advice pls

63 replies

nappyqueen · 17/04/2012 12:11

My ds (8) is very bright especially with reading. He gets very bored at school but only takes out his frustrations at home. School see it as they're teaching him so he's fine. He has so much more potential and they really are just treading water with him. I know I may sound pushy but he has so much to give and I see the ups and downs he has. When something interests him and he's actually learning NEW stuff he is happy and content but this is very rare and he's usually correcting his teacher!
He has been offered an amazingly high bursary for an independant school, our nearest suitable one, but its over 200 miles away and it only covers the tuition! He can't commute and I can't afford £6k a year boarding fees, help please!! I want him to get the amazing chance at this school but can't think how to make it possible. Boarding was never really in my mind but seeing what they can offer I have to put my ds's happiness 1st.

OP posts:

adoptmama · 17/04/2012 13:38

I'd ask the school if they have any other funds you can apply for towards this additional cost.

How does your son feel about it? 8 is so young to send away from home.

titchy · 17/04/2012 14:09

You want to send an 8 year old to boarding school cos he's very good at reading?!

Just get him some.decent books!

GooseyLoosey · 17/04/2012 14:16

If he is very bright, can you not apply somewhere closer to home or, if you are wedded to the school, consider moving?

meditrina · 17/04/2012 14:21

If boarding wasn't on your mind, how did you expect to manage attendance when you applied? Family? Or have you moved? (Realise that's not totally relevant, but I'm intrigued!)

If the school cannot increase the (substantial?) bursary already on offer, and you're iffy about boarding anyway, in your shoes I'd be starting to research other options which are logistically possible.

omgomgomg · 17/04/2012 16:14

If sending your 8 year old away from home to board at a school 200 miles away is your idea of putting his happiness first then I think you need your head examined.

You don't make any sense with the assertion that "boarding was never in your mind" but you chose to apply for a bursary at a school 200 miles away !

I'm fairly sure that there IS a suitable school nearer to you, you just haven't found it yet or maybe you have but they aren't offering you sufficient bursary contribution.

omgomgomg · 18/04/2012 11:55

Ah, I see, no response to the diagnosis on your predicament.

pianomama · 18/04/2012 12:13

First of all I would bargain with school, they will always try to get as much as they can from parent first but will negotiate if they are keen on the child.
Also would ask about flexi-boarding - couple of days a week - a lot of schools offer that now.
Although I agree that 8 is a bit too young for full time boarding.
Is he going to Yr 4 or 5? Can you defer entry till YR 5?

adoptmama · 18/04/2012 13:41

I still cannot quite believe you would want to send your child away from home so young. I can only imagine how he would see this as some kind of punishment for being 'clever.' Many children in boarding schools weekly board, going home at weekends as the school is fairly local to them. This would not be possible for your child, who may therefore find himself very lonely in consequence. Since your school do not see any problem behaviour at school perhaps you should consider the possibility that he is not as bored as you think or engaged in the meaningless work you seem to believe. Also how do you know he is "usually correcting the teacher" as you claim since you are not sitting in the room with him? I have yet to come across any child in my long teaching career who is "usually correcting" me, no matter how bright. Perhaps he is doing well at school as his teachers state. Maybe his behaviour issues at home have a different cause. I can't imagine that sending him away from you will improve them, or help his relationship with you either. I don't think you sound pushy, but I do think you sound like you need to be a bit more involved in parenting your child; there is more to life than a good reading ability and more to parenting that sending them to school.

iggly2 · 18/04/2012 15:20

Is there no where suitable nearer?

Sirzy · 18/04/2012 15:23

I am with the others and don't quite see how sending him 200 miles away is going to help anything.

LIZS · 18/04/2012 15:27

Why would you apply for a school 200miles away and assume boarding would be funded . Sorry but I can't believe there are no other schools within a more reasonable distance (unless perhsp he has SpLD) which could offer similar then reconsider yoru options when he is nearing 11 or 13. I also doubt his frustrations at home will simply disappear.

Dropdeadfred · 18/04/2012 15:32

My cousins all boarded from the age of 7. They now have a very dysfunctional relationship with their parents (as adults). Not saying this will happen but 8 is sooooo young

pinktrees · 18/04/2012 15:35

I know someone who boarded from age 6 and she is still scarred from it almost 60 years later!

Do not send an 8yo to board unless you are in the military or other very good reason. There are no schools in our city willing to take 8yo boarders - it's a terribly tough option for such a young boy.

Wherever do you live, you must have independent schools willing to give scholarship and/or bursary nearer than 200 miles.

MrsMcEnroe · 18/04/2012 15:43

Another "no" to boarding from me. DH boarded from age 7 and was completely destroyed by it. His family relationships are completely screwed (I've posted about my ILs before on MN). He's nearly 40 and is still traumatised by the whole thing.

How do you know that your son is so bright? How do you know that he is correcting the teacher? (what an arrogant thing to say!). Why do you think he's bored at school when his teachers are saying that he's fine? They are the experts ....

Being good at reading does not mean that your child is a genius!

How can you even begin to think about sending a small child away to boarding school when there is no geographical need (e.g. being in the military) to do so?

DilysPrice · 18/04/2012 15:49

I boarded full time. My relationship with my parents remains close and loving, and I am not in any way "broken" by my experience. So I am not knee jerk anti-boarding.

BUT. The reason my relationship with my parents survived was because I knew they hated sending me away, and were doing so for reasons which we all agreed to be valid and sufficient to take such drastic action.

Your reasons are just not good enough. Not even close.

MummytoKatie · 18/04/2012 17:35

Are you sure the school is your nearest suitable one? The Uk is only about 600 miles by 300 miles so a circle of radius 200 miles will cover a large proportion unless you live right on a tip somewhere.

Agree with what the others say about boarding school but assuming they are wrong and there are no other possibilities:-

Is the bursary due to his abilities or to your income? If abilities can you apply for a bursary based on income?

Remember you no longer have to pay for after school care while he is at school - although school holidays of boarding schools are long so that will be a killer.

Can you get a second job for while he is away?

Aboutlastnight · 18/04/2012 21:57

Christ almighty

Why don't you just let him loose in the library?

pianomama · 18/04/2012 23:10

Christ Almighty , why don't you post on thread about something more up your street? Eastenders not on tonight?

EdithWeston · 19/04/2012 08:33

"Is the bursary due to his abilities or to your income? If abilities can you apply for a bursary based on income?"

Bursaries are, by definition, based on income or extraneous detail (eg being children of clergy).

Awards for ability are scholarships, and may have no cash value at all.

OP could try to get her scholarship extended. However as means-testing for bursaries is often bothe extensive and detailed, the school will already know the family's financial situation and will have offered assistance it thinks suitable. So I wouldn't be that optimistic, but it's always worth a try.

QuintessentialShadows · 19/04/2012 08:37

If he is so bright, it would seem the apple was catapulted into space!

TheLightPassenger · 19/04/2012 08:40

surely you could either move near this school or look for a local private school or even a better state school where he wouldn't need to board? I suspect you probably fell in love with the school and its ethos etc when you visited but 8 does seem so young for boarding

BrightnessFalls · 19/04/2012 08:41

I don't understand how this came about?? Is it a wind up? What did you do, put a blind fold on a stick a pin on the map? Is it Eaton or something?

Aboutlastnight · 19/04/2012 11:45

Pianomama was that directed at me?

Are you implying that I am ( cough) one of the lower classes and perhaps unqualified to comment on the finer details of packing an right year old off to boarding school because they are good at reading?

Lots of children are good st reading. Fortunately extending them in this are is very easy. Take them to the library. Get them to choose challenging books. At 10 I was reading 'The French Lieutenant's Woman, Cold Comfort Farm and Catch22, all from my parent's bookshelf.
Every Saturday I would go up to the library and read, read, read. At 8 I was tested(along with everyone in my class) and was reading at a'level standard.

I have no idea why boarding school would help a child read better.

pianomama · 19/04/2012 18:20

I am sure its not about packing a child to boarding school to "help him to read better" - its a wonderful opportunity for a boy who's been offered a scholarship/bursary in a good school and difficult situation for his mother.

The DC will be coming up to 9 yo in September and combination of weekly/flexi-boarding could work very well in the right school for the right child.

I would negotiate with the bursar , ask for partial boarding fee reduction for 6 month or so to give you time to move/ get another job/win a lottery/rob a bank etc.

Aboutlastnight - obviously I could not comment as all I know about you is your "Christ Almighty!" post. How is that supposed to help? Daily Mail style hatred campaign against boarding schools from someone who probably has little experience of them?

Mollieflanders · 19/04/2012 18:27

A wonderful oppportunity? To send a small boy hundreds of miles away on his own? Sheesh. I guess a handshake's as good as a hug too, huh, Pianomama?

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