I always said I didn't want a gifted child!

[mnistooaddictive]

As a teacher I have seen how hard life is for gifted children and how they often struggle to fit in. Having done research into asd and ADHD I came across a definition of a gifted child and it is like they were describing my dd. Even down to the love of physically demanding sports such as rock climbing!
I knew she was 'bright' but I guess she is a bit more! Struggling really as I can't talk about it really as if you mention your child is gifted people think you are arrogant and superior. It is a special need like any other but you don't get the support from others you would if you told them your child had ADHD.

She is just 5 and in reception.
Any advice? Do I get a formal diagnosis? She has the compulsive movement thing I have seen described as common of gifted children. Will she need help with this?
I would love to hear other people's stories and the pitfalls to avoid.
I really really don't want to push her. She will learn in her own time when she is ready.

Our state school streams, ds1's comp is 30th in my country's ranking (NOT England) and has an intake from a exceptionally poor area: parents really must visit schools and not generalise.

As for SEN including gifted, technically this is correct with LEA definitions; the difference comes in when AN is applied, although some use the terms as interchangeable they are not. And neither are they discrete categories: ds1 has SN (Autism) and is gifted in art and possibly mathematics.

How easy it is to get support in a state school varies and should be a key factor in school selection. this goes equally for SEN and SN: at our school (small Church school) it is easier to get help for a gifted child than pone exhibiting SN, anecdotally I know this to be the opposite in other schools. The key advice I give to any parent I am working with (SN but also gifted at times) is to look for the school that matches your child and look as widely as you can possibly manage. Do not dismiss schools by area or assumption, but visit and talk to parents. Encourage talents, provide fun, support challenges and boost confidence and you bring the best out in your child whatever their ability level.

Disruptive school does not equate to state school; there are plenty of schools that prioritise behaviour. the local comp serves a very well off catchment but the children look a state with skirts as short as their attention spans and poor behaviours; ds1's school has a very strict behaviour and uniform policy and gets the best out of each and every child regardless of the fact it is located in the middle of one of the largest council estates in Europe.

But for some children a fee paying school suits best and if you have the cash go ahead. The ones locally would not suit my children, and 2 / 3 have worse facilities than the state schools we use.

not unheard of for private school attendance to be funded by drug money these days

I think you are unfairly criticising Rabbitstew's post, OP. I have no idea whether any behavioural issues/anger are due to her high academic achievement, but it seems sensible enough to keep an open mind about it.

as for Xenia , if a school can cherry pick the most academic kids, of course it will get better results. and plenty of kids from poor backgrounds and/or with SN who are high academic achievers.

I'm just wondering which of the parents in my ds's primary school was up all night shooting heroin? Was it the GP, one of the teachers, perhaps one of the several accountants, Citytypes or lawyers?

Cos obviously each state primary has at least one such parent in each class

funny enough xenia my ds2 is at comp with mixed classes and has not stopped him acheving at all.

if your dc have needed private school to help hot house them then maybe they are not really that bright at all and are unable to focus and work independtley without lot of Direction and help from the teacher

what was wrong with your post?

You are essentially writing off potentially gifted children (in fact all children whatever their cognitive ability) because of a myriad of reasons that mean they have to attend school in the state sector. largely to do with their parents and not to do with their own ability.

i understand that if you have the cash and the wherewithal, that the private sector can solve some problems. i absolutely do. and i understand the importance of parental involvement in education.

but to write off swathes of children who may have higher ability and potential than your own, purely because of their parentage... it would be wonderful if you put your money and impressive intellect into solving some of the problems in the state sector, rather than dismissing it as a breeding ground of drug addicts and losers.

what do you think about bright kids with inadequate parents, xenia? should they just be left to rot because they aren't as lucky as your own kids? even if they have a higher iq and could potentially achieve more with their lives than your daughters?

all children deserve to reach their potential.

all of them.

not just the 3%.

and yes, plenty of bright kids do well in the state sector. some state schools are fabulous at differentiating. but it shouldn't be a postcode lottery.

And xenia my ds2 has something that you do not seem to have .He has compassion and he does not feel the need to boast .

Ds 2 is more proud of his little brother, who struggles with the most basic of acheviments , were talking waling /talking here .Wiping his own bottom as he knows just how much hard work things are for ds3 and that every small thing is a massive acheivement

As well as my other explanations, OP, can I also point out that your comment, repeated below, is exceptionally offensive?... You chose to interpret my post in that way, presumably because of your own paranoia, it was not what I said. I did not at ANY point suggest that your dd wasn't gifted. I made no mention whatsoever of your particular dd. Pointing out that being fidgety is not a necessary part of a gifted diagnosis (of which there is in any event no such thing) is a fact, not a comment on your dd's abilities. Seeking a "diagnosis" that doesn't exist will not help you deal with your dd's fidgetiness, any more than getting a diagnosis of ADHD would if your dd's issues don't fit with that. You cannot get your dd "diagnosed" with a set of traits that do not fit any officially recognised diagnosis. You can get her IQ tested, of course, but that won't automatically inform you that your dd ought to be fidgety. Later on, when your dd is at least 8 or 9, if she is having serious issues at school, an IQ test might help you ascertain where her strengths and weaknesses are, because IQ tests in those cases often indicate a very spiky IQ profile (which is the revealing bit, not the overall IQ score), but you won't get a fair idea of your dd's IQ strengths and weaknesses at her current age, because at her age, a very spiky IQ profile is less unusual than it will be later on (she is still in a stage of major development) than it would be in a few years.

"rabbitstew - I am not engaging with you. You have nothing constructive to say, you just want to argue. Your original question was not whether there is such a thing as a formal diagnosis, it was to suggest I was wrong because being fidgetty is not part of being gifted.
Please find someone else to argue with."

Love the way Xenia thinks private schools are only for clever bright children and none with SEN.

Really am laughing that she thinks there is no SEN kids in private school, and that she thinks all state schools are full of them.

This woman really is way too far up her own backside to see the REAL world.

It's semantics/a title but at my dd's primary, the SENCO is now called the "Inclusions Leader" which imo recognises that some children require additional support to achieve their potential & not become disillusioned. Her remit does include G&T children & I think that is right as they can be as marginalised as those children with "traditional" SEN.

friend of mine has her son with severe cerebral palsy and no speech in one of the most expensive private schools in the city. Far as I know the parents are accepting (and they fucking should be) and not judgey like some on this thread.

Danjar

your right becuase I am looking at private school for ds3 who has both SEN and SN and is nowhere near the gifted scale .Though he learnt to say mum and wipe his own backside age 6 .

Quick since considering private . where do I sign him up for the G&T register

My son would be Xenia's "Wilfred" who doesn't bang his head on the desk but sits beneath it if he is upset and distressed.

His "Ritalin" is Medikinet which did wonders in helping him achieve - at age 9 he can now read. Unfortunately it has given him high blood pressure so he is off it.

His classmates are lovely and are not being held back by him. Some very bright children in his year. They are all very good though at either just letting him be when he is distressed or offering support. Autism is crap, ADHD is crap but I refuse to believe any other child suffers in the classroom because my son is there with his one to one learning support assistant.

I am not offended by Xenia as I do wonder if she has her own issues with social communication (based on the way she posts here). I don't agree with her though.

The other kids will learn compassion, tolerance and inclusion odandchops. Lessons as valuable as academic success IMO

kal, we looked for a private school for dd2 (cp and gifted) and were largely rebuffed because the leafy privates round our way aren't generally accessible. we can't afford it for the three of them (at the time only she was officially carting around a gifted label, rather than all of them). i'm guessing the city schools are more up for it. (we do call dd2 stephen hawking behind her back )

madwoman i'm glad i'm not the only one who gives their dc inapropriate nicknames, dd's is 'dd wisdom-spencer' as in a combination of frank spencer and norman wisdom

If there are no children with SEN in private schools, then my nephew who transferred in September and has since been picked up with dyslexia, does not exist.

Quite a nice private too.

Shame- had I realised he was a figment of my imagination I could have saved an awful lot on Christmas presents!

And may I offer my ds1 as an example of achieving in state despite Autism (he attends an autism base in a state comp)- head of School Council in his last year of CofW primary (NOT a 'pity place', he excelled). And is head of Base now.

(And being head of Base now is impressive given Base ends at 18 on completion of A-Levels, and he is in year 7)

mrss, we call ds1 'sheldon'. it has just the right amount of humour whilst still being explanatory and understanding. all under our breath, of course.

Some of the best special needs help is in th eprivate sector and plenty of private schools are for not at all clever chidlren. I was saying if you have a very bright child they do better in school with other bright children which is why there are state grammars and also why secondaries have different sets (and as people say about some primary schools have work for children of particular levels although i think mostly in the same class room so you are still subject to disruption).

As we all know that most children at the best universities come from selective state schools and private schools it's pretty clear which schools bright children do well at although some can do fine without that. It's certainly a lot more fun to be with other bright children in terms of class discussion, bouncing ideas of each other and the like.

I do wish that you would get out of London and visit some good state schools Xenia.

But you are doing it again, Xenia. You are equating 'bright' with the parenting and ability to access those settings for the children.

Bright children exist all over the place. Segregating the percentage of them with rich parents isn't a solution for all bright kids. And bright kids with 'together' parents can do well in any system.

However the state segregates them in classes at comprehensives and at whole schools with state grammars. If it is so beneficial to be in a class where others don't let you learn because you get some mega huge compassion quotient with those whose lessons are not disturbed do not get then you'd surely want to ensure there was no segregation in lessons at state schools then? However obviously it's patently untrue that bright chdilren benefit from mixed ability classes or even mixed ability schools which is why so few of them compared with the 1960s are getting through to good university. Mixed ability teaching has failed and the only people who benefit are those who pay school fees or live in those few areas where there are state grammars which are not the preserve of the relatively wealthy.

Kahty Letter has been writing about what a pity is there are so few schools for people like her son and that for some children they might well get a lot mroe help if they were in schools more devoted to their needs. Blind schools always did pretty well too didn't they - David Blunkett was at one. Children who are brilliant musicians seem to do quite well at schools like Chethams. I think this idea that all children should go to the same school whatever their needs really damages the child. Luckily I can pay to ensure that damage is not inflicted on my children.

Actually even at Oxford and Cambridge the majority come from state schools. About 45% come from the private sector. The proportion of privately educated undergrads is even lower is other 'prestigious' institutions.

You can't really compare anyway, unless you're Xenia or David Willetts, as private school students are generally made up of the more academically able whereas comprehensives are just that - comprehensive. Most parents aren't heroin users though

Shut up Xenia. Just......shut up. You are talking complete rubbish. And even if what you were saying wasn't rubbish, it would be incredibly unkind. " Luckily I can pay to ensure that damage is not inflicted on my children." how can you post that, thinking what you think?