Not being able to talk about gifted kids

[metamorphosis]

I thought this was interesting and reminded me of some threads on here. The writer has remained anonymous which says it all.

www.parentdish.co.uk/kids/the-very-british-shame-of-having-a-clever-child/#aol-comments

Last night I went to my DD's french school parents & kids dinner. DD got put up a year after 6 mths in school in France, and she is joint top of the class. All the parents there were pleased for her (new class and former class) ....... it seems that trying to do well is expected over here. As a parent who used to want to hide in the UK from embarrassment, it is really rather nice to not feel the need to apologise. I can't describe it any better than it seems to be (in this rural area anyway) a mix of collective pride in all the children, and pride in their education system.

It is also accepted that the teacher decides what is best for the child - they don't differentiate as far as I have seen - so putting a kid up/down a year (or hauling them in early for extra help) seems to be the norm. Parents don't question - but do generally obey when they are told to go and practice x y or Z at home with little Johnny!

Rather than gifted or talented which is hard to define IMO (I think DD is able but not outstanding), it would be nice to have an area where parents with little eager beavers can share ideas for things they do with their kids to extend them, just because it is something they are interested in, or to broaden their horizons / supplement school curriculum if it is lacking etc.

Eeek first para sounds like bragging - I'm not trying to boast about DD - just the attitude I encountered was so different to what I found in the UK!

So this has been moved from AIBU to here?

I think G&T threads should be opt in, like the SN threads.

Nope, we've been here on and off for nearly a year now. So she's spent 6 months in french school being totally immersed. A friend in the equivalent situation in the UK was on the receiving end of jealousy because her son had adjusted so well to the UK after a shaky start.

I think the French system is good when they are little, but I think it knocks the individuality out of them in secondary. The good bit is that they all accept it and get on with it, and given DD was on receiving end of jealousy in UK nursery, its really nice to see her coming back saying I did really well, and that's because I practice lots / concentrated hard, and feeling able to be proud of herself. In the UK her peers always said she shouldn't be able to do x because she was younger!

Jealousy at nursery level? Really ohmygosh? That to me is rather surprising.

I have one genius that I like to talk boast about. But my friends all know that my eldest bombed out of secondary school with G's and F's and penchant for weed. So they indulge me.

I have only ever had people being extremely complimentary about my children and their reading and other abilities. I've never had anyone insinuate that I must be a pushy mother cramming them at home, or that they must have something wrong with them to be so advanced in one area of their development. I have always felt that my children's school is a very supportive, friendly community of children, staff and other parents, from a variety of different backgrounds and with a huge range of abilities. Either I'm just seriously deluded and not picking up the hostility (in which case, good on me - it keeps me happy), or the UK is not universally a place where everyone is jealous of everyone else and desperate to put others down or "put them in their place." I don't worry at all at this stage that my children will be picked on for their abilities, but I do want to make sure that they don't become seen as performing seals or brains on legs - they are not just the things they are particularly good at, they are little boys with feelings and needs, just like everyone else around them.

(or come to be seen...)

Just a funny idea yesterday for a little test.I wish I had a daughter.

I believe there are genuinely gifted children, but not by top 5% or top table ,or level 3 by Ks1, level 5 SATS or freereader at certain age ,or IQ.
If the list means anything, then I think is your child may get a chance to get abiliy appropriate work to do.Yes, work to do only.Mozart is genius, he will be told to practice more.
Lots of people who has a 'gifted 'children worried about that school didn't do enough to accommodate their children's extra need.While I do think everybody should be given the abiliy appropriate work, I have to remind myself, those famous genius people's success was down to their outstanding school? Teacher?
I don't see the point of discussion how gifted the child is, is or isn't. For me, the solution for everybody is work harder, and harder, and harder.

I would like to see more discussion about the tips, the good experience of how did you do it.

I hope people can see what I mean.Helpful? Jealous? Nasty?You judge!(I don't care.:o)

I agree hard work means more than anything when it comes to becoming particularly good at something. However, when it comes to becoming good at original ideas, you could be forgiven for thinking the genius concerned was, in his childhood, an idle, stupid and insolent daydreamer who didn't put a stroke of effort into his schoolwork, whereas in fact he was working very hard on becoming an original thinker (eg someone like Einstein). You cannot always create a genius from the outside, even if countless hours of work are required on the part of the genius in order to create one.

Just becasue we can't create that genius part, we have to do what we CAN do.Einstein needs to think harder to work out his theory.If we are Einstein's parents(Gosh, I don't want to be!),what can we do to help him to get there?Discuss how gifted he is or put more clever effor to help you child to get it?

I think in Einstein's case they pulled their hair out in despair, didn't they? It seemed to work. He certainly found school a waste of time and I don't think that would have been solved by putting him up a few years, but leaving him with the same school teachers, learning the same things, in the same way. He found his own mentors, outside of school time, and wasn't going to let anyone guide him unless he wanted them to. He wanted to be free to educate himself in the way he saw fit.

And it seems being held back by the system for a few years didn't harm him that much. He still became considered to be a great genius and still did exactly what he wanted at the end of the day.

(I keep doing that... I mean came to be considered...).

Sunflowersmile - it was my experience - perhaps not the right word .... but I would call "its all right for you, your DD can already do x" said in a not particularly nice tone of voice bordering on jealousy. But there were alot of pushy / competitive parents in my area - and then the nursery (pre-reception) started phonics and early readers - and my DD was the only non-autumn b'day child to be taking part. So I then I got a bit of my DD can do x, can yours as well. Or she must be a September b'day, that's why she's doing so well - sorry no she's July. By the end I did get sympathy off another Mum, so it wasn't just my imagination. DD had finished all the early years framework tick boxes by the January of pre-reception - and in my stupidity it hadn't occurred to me to stop someone else looking at the sheet, as I didn't think DD was remotely unusual.

I've always told DD that to be good at something you have to practice, but you will find things you are naturally good at or enjoy, which makes it easy / fun to do the practice. Mozart was a genuis, but I've read that all those super talented people would have spent at least 10,000 hours in pursuit of that talent. They loved it and were interested enough in it to 'practice' and devote hours a day to what they chose to do. Or read what Judy Murray did with her sons to turn them into sportsmen from 18mths old!

But I remember friends who however hard they practised could not remember something which to me seemed simple (eg mon, ma, mes, ton, ta, tes, son, sa, ses in french). And one tried until she was literally in tears. Its all about finding your child's talents and helping them develop those so they can be confident. But curiousmind - no I don't think everyone can succeed at everything just by hard work.

Also rabbitstew I think that there were less tests at school in Einstein's day, so perhaps it allowed him to branch out more? I am interested in how to help my daughter develop her enquiring mind whilst retaining my sanity! And I'd prefer a good all-rounder to one that has me tearing my hair out, so I have a tendency to suppress her a bit!

I agree that the constant public testing at school is not good for gifted children. Everything seems to be divided up into little chunks, which is neither a good way to show how well you genuinely understand a subject, nor is it a good way to get to understand something in the first place. It also wastes masses of time that could be spent on going beyond the exam syllabus for those who are interested/where something has captured a class's imagination, rather than focusing on exam technique every few weeks. I always felt exams were a necessary irritation, not the entire purpose of my school existence - exams could never hope to show everything I did or didn't know, they were just a tiny snapshot of my understanding and a test of my ability to cope with stress.