Not being able to talk about gifted kids

[metamorphosis]

I thought this was interesting and reminded me of some threads on here. The writer has remained anonymous which says it all.

www.parentdish.co.uk/kids/the-very-british-shame-of-having-a-clever-child/#aol-comments

In real life, would people be going up to strangers and telling them their child is on the G&T register at school? Or asking strangers whether they thought it was particularly advanced for their child to be able to say 30 words incredibly clearly at the age of 10 months and should they get the child's IQ tested so as to ensure its needs are met in the future? And would said stranger in real life really just smile and nod at them in response? Or feel obliged to point out that not everything in life has to be highlighted to strangers, or pathologized?

Actually, I suspect in real life in the UK, said stranger would smile and back off in alarm, wondering why a stranger was telling them these things.

I think the thing about an anonymous forum is it is easy, without any malicious intent, to separate the person from their question and therefore appear insensitive to their feelings. We don't know the people we are talking to and we don't know what tone they intended to put into their writing, so it is very easy to take things much harder than ever intended by the poster. This anonymity can result in far more honesty than you will get in real life, which can be extremely painful, but it can also be helpful. I don't think most people mean to be malicious (albeit some do), even when they hurt others' feelings.

I think though..... this is a forum with a title of "gifted and talented" so you can not really say the "stranger" is not interested as they found there way to this forum (and must know what it's about!).

I just hope I don't sound unhinged most of the time!

I don't think you sound at all unhinged! I hope I don't sound unhinged, either, but hey, I can't help how I come across...

If i sound unhinged it's this forum that's done it to me!

XeniaSat 17-Mar-12 13:29:24>> And some children are just plain naughty , but their parents won't accept that.

OMG I think I am agreeing with Zenia....

[backtacks]but then I have always argued that extreme "naughtiness", even without a diagnosis, is in itself a special need.

OMG I just spelled "Xenia" phonetically.

Amy Winehouse (RIP) was fabulously gifted and talented as was Whitney Houston, Alexander McQueen, Edgar Allen Poe, Beethoven, Hemingway, Winston Churchill and endless others famous and non famous. My point of course being that wishing for your child to be gifted/talented/outstanding in one way or another may not bring said child a life of peace, joy and fulfillment.
IGWS we should all encourage our kids to acheive to their full potential and make the best use of their natural talents. But, at the risk of sounding wanky, , I think we sometimes overlook the importance of teaching children how to enjoy themselves, to engage with family and friends, to find calm and to relax, to sleep and eat well, and to respect and look after themselves. Just saying. Aware I have veered off the point slightly!

I think you mean, it takes all sorts to make a world, we can't all be well adjusted and there is such a thing as a tortured genius. Hopefully you aren't saying we should deliberately encourage our children to develop addictive tendencies and mental health issues in the hope it makes them more creative!

My child is on the gifed list.She is a freereader since the begining of reception and she knows all the timetables at age 4.She has a little bit bahaviour problem due to the boredom at school. I am worried teacher/ school didn't challenge her enough. My daughter always compain school work is too easy.What can I do?She i s so gifted !We had assessment done she was 3, got the result she had IQ TOP 99.99%. I can't handle her intelligence anymore.I need some advice!:)

curious mind- she is 4! it doesn't matter how clever she is- you or her teacher or any other grown up is going to be able to teach her loads of stuff!

CM, my advice is above - get her into a selective primary in the private sector if you can where only the very bright go. Other will say that there are plenty of teachers in the state system who can cope with a much clever child in their class. Also you can do things with her at home. I have taught my children quite a bit out of school thing like music theory or whatever fits in with whatever you both enjoy.

RS is right that plenty of those who succeed can be because of problems they had, even just a very difficult childhood and they are working hard to get themselves out of an abusive family (although more often than not a difficult family life leads to failure and problems, not success so let's not take the theory too far) and if you read books on success (forgetting author name of the one who I read over Christmas now) they say you need 10,000 hours of practice to be good at something whether table tennis, music or whatever. I presume I am/was pretty good at music because I would hvae done those 10,000 hours. I am pretty good at the work I do because I've done it without a break for nearly 30 years etc etc . If children put in a lot of practise at something they will be good at it. If they love reading and read more and more it makes them better and better. Same with football or whatever.

CM, should that be the top 0.01% ?

I believe Curious Mind was being sarcastic, given the tone of this thread and the numerous spelling mistakes in her post. :p

I didn't spot the 99.9% which presumably means could have IQ of 70 or 110. Just because someone isn't very well educatd themselves doesn't mean their children can't be gifted. That is the way the grammar school system worked quite well - it weeded out the very bright and moved them into a middle class high achieving environment at 11. My parents were both very clever. They both passed the 11+ and went to state grammar schools. I think the system served them very well. The fact it might not have seved the 80% who didn't go so well does not mean we have to throw the baby out with the bath water.

I think that the bottom line here is that most children are G&T in some way. There are some extraordinarily bright people around who were once children so there are obviously very, very bright children around too. But quite what the cut-off mark for being labelled thus is debatable.

Have SIL (and all her friends) who went to Cambridge who even at highly competitive grammar school was in the top 5% but she would never have called herself G&T! In fact she says that she only really remembers one girl at the school in the entirety of her time there who would really warrant such a label and she went up to Oxford a year early, played the harp to grade 8, studied all the time etc....But some people would probably regard all Oxbridge students as having been G&T children.

The problem is that children change and learn at different rates. Some children are very early readers but I am sure I have read research that indicates that there is no direct correlation twixt being an early and early advanced reader and future academic achievements.

Can think of several boys at DCs school who are probably lower than average attainment academically but already show the makings of excellent athletes and would be regarded as G&T in that area.

Isn't a lot of it subjective anyway? We have a DD who is bright but nothing outstanding in terms of literacy and numeracy but she has a very, very logical mind which seems precocious for a 6 year old. We think she displays a gift but because the national curriculum doesn't really encompass this it has never been flagged up. We could of course be deluded about her talents and because none of her teachers have picked up on it think we probably are. But are we?

Think some teachers do G&T and a lot don't. Some teachers are very keen to get talented children thus labelled but others (particularly the school hierarchy) aren't, it can cause great expectations which come to nothing for all concerned.

DW is a bit of a Tiger Mother but even she thinks the whole G&T thing is fraught with danger. And she avoids the G&T thread like the plague. One parent's G&T child would be another's decidedly average one and that is the humbling thing.

I'm feeling quite upset at the moment - I decided to let dd have a go at an old paper from the local very academic private school assessment exam - she is in year 1 and at a normal primary, she would be taking this in year 2. I let her get on with it basically and she got vitually every maths question right and fully understood the literacy one. So, we think we will probably let her take the test next year, see how she gets on and if it seems suitable and she passes, apply for a bursary. Why is it though that some people think this is very wrong of us? I totally agree that parental input is vital, and we do input a lot at home, but surely if there is a good chance that she can get an education that is maybe more suited to her, why shouldn't we give her that chance ? The school in question is patronised by a lot of wealthy people but also by an awful lot of paupers like us and they value the child not the money. I feel very

I think one solution would be for G&T threads not to appear in Active Convos. Because they are a red rag to a bull to many MNers. But if you have a child who is affected by G&T issues, it's hugely useful to be able to canvas the opinions of MNers in a similar situation.

Why are you upset? You've made q choice for your child that you are happy with!

I would make absolutely sure that the school is as academic as it says though- I would be a little wary (unless your dd really is super bright) if she could, unprepared, sail throuh the entrance test a year early. Make sure you do your research. Schools- of all types- are often very good at talking the talk.

And remember that the school she's at now must have had something to do with where she is academically!

That is very true. I just feel that people perhaps think i'm being 'snobby' or something, which isn't true. Her primary is very good and has obviously helped her a lot, so I'm not going to be devastated if she doesn't go elsewhere. It is really very good independant school though - one of several here and the only one we'd consider because of the diversity of families and students. Thanks for making me feel a bit better about it though!

I think if you think that the education on offer from this other school will suit your child more and you have concerns about her current school which you think will be addressed by this new school then apply. Different schools are better for different children-there are obviously good and bad private and state. Do investigate what is promised.

I have a supposedly 'gifted' child.

He has Asperger's Syndrome, which is obviously a social impairment, but in terms of academic / intellectual ability, he is a bloody genius. Yet, still, I hate the term 'gifted'. It really is bollocks. It means nothing. And I do judge parents that bang about how 'gifted' their child is as wankers.

Sorry about that.

Lets just say I'm 99.99% certain CM is setting up a parody of a typical G and T thread!