Teachers don't understand him...

[vrooom]

Sorry for the long message to follow, any advice welcome.

DS1, just turned six but in yr2, is exceptionally bright, gifted if you like. We know this by the amazing conversations we have with him, the conclusions he draws and things he has done early. Eg he was completely independent on the computer, starting it up, inputting password, double clicking to start the web browser and clicking on bookmarks to open up cbeebies aged 2 and 3 months. He was never taught, just caught him at it one morning at 4 am...

However, he only shows his ability in things he is interested in. When reading the NAGC comparision, gifted vs bright, he meets none of the bright criteria and pretty much all the gifted ones. I.e. he is a bit of a difficult child, wants to always make up new rules, always inventing things and lives in his own world.

Anywhere he goes where he has a lot of one on one attention, eg summer playscheme, the teachers/coaches/leaders always make a point of how bright he is. They seek me out to talk about the conversations they have had and how we must nurture his talents. They don't do this to anyone else. His violin teacher of two weeks, a mature lady who has clicked with him, hit the nail on the head when she said that she has never taught anyone like him before. With most children you teach them from 1 to 100, with DS1 you teach him 1, then 78, then 23 etc and hope that 2, 3 and 4 fit themselves in somewhere along the way. You can only teach him what he wants to learn.

School teachers don't understand this. I tried having a meeting with his teacher last week, but clearly didn't get the message across. His year 1 teacher admitted a huge problem in motivating him. What he needs is problem solving. Give him something interesting to solve and he will complete work for children way older. If you give him simple or uninspired work to do he switches off and says he does't know the answer. At school he gets away with it.

My concern is that he keeps switching off at school and is unmotivated and unhappy. He always says the only thing he likes about school is playtime.

Any advice? Anyone found themselves in a similar situation? I don't want to be the "pushy mum" which is how I fell like I come across to the teachers. I just want him stimulated at school and for them to understand that he is different.

vroom - I'm a teacher and can easily differentiate a class activity to cover several NC levels at the same time without 'frightening' the other children.

I suspect you misunderstood the teacher, but if you didn't I would speaking to the head about what level of differentiation is being provided.

TBH I think your DS is bright, but not 'stand out' bright. I think you need to put this aside in your head and start trying to work with the school to help them and your DS access the curriculum in the best possible way. If you are going in with the 'my child is exceptionally gifted and you cannot possibly cater for him' attitude I would imagine you're not getting very far with the teachers. Its something teachers hear all the time and is very rarely the case.

i have a cousin that is gifted. like, finished 6 A Levels with straight As at 14 and got a scholarship deal from NASA.

my aunt and uncle had my cousin at normal schools throughout.

i think this was a very very good idea because life is already tough enough when you are that different to everyone else. being at normal school also was important because it taught my cousin that being acedemically bright wasnt the only way to be sucsseful in life and things are more about achieving balance.

Honestly - I would not worry too much about school and the teachers' perception of your DS. He sounds lovely and his time will come (probably at much later on at primary school, or at secondary school, when he has mastered all the basic skills and matured a bit). He will get a lot out of school socially and emotionally, but you may need to accept that he will not (yet) tick all the boxes needed to be the star pupil.

Instead, when you're at home, put school out of your mind and encourage him to do little projects, write stories and read. For maths, try to engage him in household problem solving (eg how many rolls of wallpaper do I need?) and don't be afraid of introducing really advanced concepts, such as infinity, pi, geometry etc if they interest him.

What I am trying to say is relax about the school and at the same time, ensure that he does not get switched off learning.

Have you looked at any Aspergers websites?

ds1 has a great sense of humour. It's not really relevant to ASD.

reported PrincessTV

he's really young and he needs to learn how to learn and that's where yours and the teacher's attention should be focused

because otherwise it sounds to me like you'll need to home school

I am having alarm bells ringing about attention defecit disorder and parents not seeing the problem

agree with acebaby.. if he's happy at school, other than being bored on occasion which to be honest is probably the same experience of most children, then I'd just support what school are doing in terms of doing his homework learning whats required etc and otehr than that enjoy your time away from school with him, doing what interests him.

Reading this I would say that your first port of call should be an Ed Psych and then depending on their report look at having him assessed by someone like MENSA - if you are convinced that there is something special there. Many schools, including private ones, find it difficult to deal with young children who are "not prepared" to learn the way that the teachers need them to. Many of them do not work well with the continuous repetition that is required of them in schools. I'm afraid that this is something that needs to be dealt with, sooner rather than later.

But seriously, have him assessed and then ask advice on what your next move should be. Not all kids are "wired" the same way and you need to do the best for YOUR child.

My DS2 (I have four DCs aged 10 to 26) who is now at uni doing particle physics, sounds quite like yours. He has Aspergers but was only diagnosed at age nearly 16 as his dad had died when he was 8 and this loss masked the real reason behind his behaviour patterns. When being diagnosed (in France, in French) he did an IQ test, which he hardly tried at, not knowing what it was and being a bit fed up with being tested, plus he did it entirely in French. His IQ came out at genius level even under these circumstances, so is probably higher still, especially as he did considerably better on the Non verbal than the verbal (pretty obvious if you do it in a foreign language I suppose!) and usually it is the other way around. So with an english verbal this would have lifted him even higher.
We had always known he was bright, but like your DS he had odd things missing. He started school aged 4 years 9 months, but took the whole year to really click with reading, despite apparently being more than able to glean the facts about plate tectonics from a kids encyclopaedia pictures only.

He took all his primary years to learn his tables properly. Not without a great deal of effort on our part, but something blocked him. Oddly, his maths is brilliant now. And he knows his tables!
My DS3, the youngest child, is also very bright. Probably not quite as bright as big bro, but getting there. He is being home educated. Not a choice I would ever have thought of before for DS2, but it works for this one.
And I can do the stuff with him that he wants to do. So he is a long way ahead in maths for example, further than in English, working at Year 8 instead of Year 5.

vroom

Your not going to get helpful answers here. Why? Because i doubt any of these parents could identify a gifted child. You can tell by the responses you have been getting. A lot of misinformation!!!

Honestly - ask the experts and not other parents who are aready assuming your being pushy or flash carding your child.

Schools and teachers won't notice a lot of gifted kids because they are not educated in correctly identifying them! its as simple as that!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Many gifted kids don't test well and nor do they show they ability in school. Why? Because school bores them to death and no one asks them questions that are remotely near the cognitive ability. Also they are so aware they are different - so they do anything to fit in.

Search the internet for some 'Good' advice. And ask your local Gifted and Talented branch to put you in touch with a Professional Psych who is passionate and well educated in the needs of gifted kids. Schools can not administer IQ assessments, not formal assessments! Ask for your child to be assessed on the Stanford Binet Version 5 (SB-5) via a specialist and yes its going to cost you $$$.

Parents of truley gifted kids know it. There is an intensitity to these kids that almost drive you mad! These kids are not flash carded and the parents are not pushy they are amazing self learners.

So, don't be put off by the lack of 'correct' or 'helpful' answers. Trust your gut and seek professional advice. Most teachers would not know a gifted child if they fell over one. Its not their fault, its the system who fails to support teacher in stretching their personal develpment and supporting the teachers who support our kids.

Good Luck!

Idratherbemuckingout
Sportsmum

Nice to see some helpful advice! Wish there were more posters like you around - it would really help those frustrated parents who are going bonkers with the discovery of having a gifted child and all the FUN that is ahead battling the school system!

I Agree with Brumby, lots of negativity here, vroom you're the mum, you know your child.

However, be wary about using the Gifted word - it tends to label you as a pushy parent and takes attention away from what you really want - a little attention to your child.

My DSs maths teacher is 100 percent sure that he doesn't understand many of the mathematical concepts she is teaching - she's moved him down two groups, and he's confidence has taken a huge blow. if you ask him, he's understood the concepts perfectly, and he can explain them to you with no problems. his accuracy lets him down however, he doesn't know his tables and his addition is lazy and shabby - so, I've had to drill into him that hes just going to have to sit down and learn them - lots and lots of exercises a day.

I cant tell you how arduos this is to him - he just doesn't see the point to them. "we've got calculators mum!" is his philosophy.

but in exams this just doesn't cut it. hes having to work at levels below his understanding because of pure laziness if you ask me.

my point is this however - a good teacher would have spotted this and encouraged him rather than drop him several levels.

its such a shame for him - he used to adore maths, and was very confident , and in a period of six months he feels average and doesn't seem to enjoy it.

vroom - please make sure this doesn't happen to your DS - make him learn his tables and additions etc. encourage him always to finish the work set by his teachers first, to the best of his ability and then tell them his finished and would like something extra. if this years teacher doesn't provide this for him, then you do so at home. some years you'll get gems of teachers and some years will be tougher on your DS.

I'd say don't worry, bide your time and be patient with everyone - him, the school and yourself. If he is exceptionally bright he will understand that he needs to fill in the gaps in his knowledge and will do in his own time and his scores will then reflect his intelligence. He may be bored at primary but it won't change how bright he is and may help him understand the rest of the world - encourage him to observe how other people work and learn and try to understand why they don't "get it" the way he does. Let him explore whatever he wants at home but try to get him to play the game of conforming a little more at school as it makes life easier.

My DS1 was just like him - I found his time at primary a nightmare as I worried so much, and he found it bewildering and boring and didn't understand why the other kids didn't want to talk about the same things as him. However, he fell on his feet finding a bright bunch of friends quickly at a good but not exceptional secondary school (I believe they find each other naturally). They bounce off each other and push the teachers to teach them well. Now in year 12 and predicted A* in maths A2 this summer
(a year early) and predicted at least As in the other 3 a levels next year - I don't think he can remember any of the angst at primary.