6 year old displaying worrying behaviour

[Anenome]

My DD is just 6 and has begun year 2 in her small independant school She's been there since nursery and they know her well. As they are independant they do not have to have a gifted and talented register.

My DD is not particularly ahead in her studies, her reading age has been put at 8 though and she is bored with the books the school gives her to read at home...she prefers books which she does not yet have the ability to read...and she has the ability to compose poetry and stories which seem far beyond her years. These are things she does at home...she can write well but not well enough to put down her thoughts and ideas which causes absolute RUCTIONS at home...this week the children were asked to write a story in their own words for homework....now I sat with her and they had been given a little 4 page blank booklet to write it in...her story she told me before she wrote anything down and it was so long and detailed that I had to sit and help her edit it down as no way has she got the ability to write all that and there was not room! It was a disapointment...I KNOW she would not have sat and written it all even if there had been room as her frustration would have ruined the whole thing...she thinks at high speed but cannot write at the same speed.

I have heard about kids deveoping unevenly...so their thinking outstrips their ability in a practical sense...she is a huge perfectionist and all day we have problems with things "not being right" from her socks being twisted to her art not being perfect...she has always been a bit troublesome in various ways, but especially so with her need for perfection in EVERYTHING.

Tonight she went to sleep sobbing because her drawing was "wrong". She does not play with toys...she draws constantly and fiddles with her vast collecions of small treasures like crystals and seeds...she IS sociable at school though. What do you guys think? She could talk fluently at 18 months...began at ten months talking single words and walking...she is still very articulate but is the ability to create stories and poetry but not write them down a sign of giftedness? I am not keen for her to be gifted...only to help her deal with her own frustrations.

Thanks PixieOneLeaf...I wish I could post her stuff on here to see what you guys thought...but I would feel weird posting her poetry on here...sort of like I would be invading her privacy...I know you're not asking me to....but wish I could. Either way I am sure if things get too hard the school will help.

Anenome, This was us last year. Is your school a nursery and pre-prep (ie she has to move on at the end of Y2)? That can increase their levels of anxiety.

Our bright,well behaved son was basically ignored by his Y2 teacher who concentrated on the noisier/more academically needy children. He told us everything was fine when actually he was becoming frustrated and miserable.

At the end of the day he had a learning need that was not met - to help him express himself without becoming frustrated about a perceived lack of perfection! To me, this is as important a learning need as helping another child who is maths-phobic to understand their 2x tables! Also there was a massive discrepancy between what he read and the maths he was doing at home versus what the teacher was giving him for homework.

I'm not telling you this to worry you - instead, to give you our learning points. I really wish I had followed my instinct and become a PITA for his teacher. I would have asked her to set him specific work to help him break the obsession with perfection and also to properly deal with his level of reading/maths. This latter aspect was not uncommon btw - several children at the top of the class were bored stupid even with the "extended" classwork they were doing.

The other thing we did was break the focus on academic work and get him to concentrate on developing his sports skills. Changing his focus helped to "reset" things iyswim.

Anyway, hopefully this has given you some ideas and good luck!

Teej....it's not a school where he has to move on...they sty right up till they leave for high school. I will speak t her teacher I think...I am always worrying that they will think me over anxious!

Anenome, I'm going to say something I never thought I would say - in fact prior to the past year I would probably have thought it a bit obnoxious - but here goes.

If you're paying fees you're more than a parent, you are also a customer - ergo forget any perceptions about being an over anxious parent. You are paying for them to educate your DD so why shouldn't you ask them to deal with a specific need.

If I'd known how much one or two of the other mums in DS's year were on the teacher's case I would not have let the same concern hold me back - because they certainly didn't!

Your dd will grow into herself. My dd was like this at that age. Like your dd she started talking extraordinarily early (full sentences at 12 months) and her awareness of her surroundings has always way beyond her years. She is just turning 8 in a few weeks and this spring was when I finally felt that her body had finally caught up with her mind. She had done fairly average in school, even though she was clearly bright enough to do far better than average. In addition she was always saying things like, "how come all the other kids can read and I can't" and "everyone else can draw better than me." She did quite poorly in math in 1st grade even though she clearly was capable of doing better. I certainly blame some of the problem on her teachers, but I think really the worst they were doing was expecting too much of her because she was bright and not giving her body space to catch up with her mind. Her 2nd grade teacher was lovely and nurturing and really helped. In addition, she was put in a class with many English learners (we're in Los Angeles - this is common) and she was able to easily recognize that she was one of the smartest in the class (even though she had been in the past, it was more obvious in this class). And finally I think her physical abilities caught up with her mind. She could read and write as fast as she thought. I had similar issues with my ds and foudn that in his case, letting him teach himself how to touchtype (bbc kids has a great program for this on their website), was enormously helpful as he had terrible troubles with the action of writing.
In general, I would recommend not pressuring your dd to do more than she can easily do right now. And try to steer her away from things that are too challenging right now. At some point things will click for her and you will know they have and then you can encourage her to challenger herself more.
Good Luck.

Teej...we're on a half bursary so I always feel a bit like a beggar anyway! Our ciircumstances changed after a year of being there so I told the head we were leaving and she gave us half fees.
The school as once mentioned getting "a proffesional in" to evaluate her ...but the thought of that scared me so much I didn't ask them to elaborate! I felt it was because at the time she was displaying some obsessive characterisitics.

I did speak to her teacher who assured me "It's all in there" (pointing to her head) and that she just needs DD to put it on paper...which she says will coem in it's own time. In the meantime she will be finding books which DD can cope with without being bored!

DD is currently filling a large book wth her own illustrated Alphabet...which I think is her way of tackling her writng speed...she's getting to know the letters properly.

SofiaAmes..thank you...it's nice to know someone has had a similar experience...I have often felt my DD will get better with age!

Have you thought your dd may be dyslexic? She seems to be showing classic signs.

I am dyslexic and i was so creative and bright but when pen was put to paper it would fall apart.

(i also managed to trick my teachers into thinking i could read until i was 10, actually couldn't read a word)

And before you get upset and think, but my child is very clever she cant be dyslexic, Albert Einstein was dyslexic as are many many great minds.

It has been mentioned Theincrediblesulk1..my DH said it once...but the teacher has not raised any concerns...and there are only 9 kids in her class...she reads one on one at least once a day...wouldn't her reading skills show up Dyselxia? Her reading age is above 6 years too...can it only show in writing?

Oh justsaw what you wrote about fooling teachers..HOW on earth did you do that?

Golly....just looked up some of the signs of Dyselexia and feel a bit worried....also feel guilty...if she is dyslexic then I have been pusing her too hard and in the wrong bloody direction!!

the dyslexia is a possibility although it's probably too early to assess at 6? anyway one of my DSDs, who is dyslexic, has the same problem with getting her thoughts on paper. she has wonderful creativity but struggles still at age 12 with writing. following MN advice we are thinking of getting her a dictaphone so she can speak her essays/stories first.

I can totally sympathise about perfectionism. I was like this, to the point of starting several pages of coursework again due to the title not being neat enough :(

I have finally grown out of this but I really had to work on it. I am adamant that my DCs won't pick up on this trait! Can I ask, anemone - and I don't mean this accusingly - are you a perfectionist? can you let her see you make mistakes on things but not get upset or start again IYSWIM?

Oooh Algebra...yes I am a SHOCKING perfectionist....I try not to let her see it...but it is there. I am so pedantic about art, writing and certin other creative things...I fear I have judged her whilst helping her.

I never really connectd the two bloody things!

You can see I am not a perfectionist when it comes to my spelling on here!

I would take my books home and get my mum to read them before bed, then i would memorise them and parrot them back using the pictures.

Neil kinnock's wife was my reading teacher and i fooled her too, she said my reading was excellent.And she was a really experienced reading teacher.

I was only rumbled on my first day of a new school, when the teacher said to bring a book up and read to her, I tried to make it up.

Busted!

what are her gross motor skills like? does she have any other problems with fine motor skills?
Have you looked at dyspraxia?

My DD couldn't get away with that Sulk...she HATES reading for me and only does a good job of it for her teacher...probs because of my bloody perfectionistic traits.

Ingles...she's fine...she is excellent at art...she can catch a ball...she can plait hair and sew with a real needle. Do they encompass gross motor skills?

Don't worry about dyslexia, if it even is that, Embrace it. Its evolution. I caught up 4 years in a year once it was confirmed, i had privet lessons with a lady who is now a member of the dyslexic association. Phonics taught me to read, using pictures i had created and colours i enjoyed.

And yes it can only show/effect one particular part eg Oh is also dyslexic IQ 138 reads and reads always has maths skills are excellent but when writing by hand, numbers creep in and his spelling is very bad.

Me i couldnt reald until 10 so it effects different people very differently.

If she is only doing a good job reading for her teachers, she is just like i was. My mum knew i couldn't read and said over and over i couldn't, but as they were only exposed to a rehearsed book they thought i was perfect at it.

Ps not saying that is what is going on, just suggesting possibilities

I know...but I will keep an eye out...DD's also very strong at maths,,,no probs there. No numbers when writng but she does reverse some letters....is that nonrmal though at age 6? She just started year 2.

yeah i think its probably all normal, I have never put numbers instead of letters either but did a lot of backwards letters when stressed as a small child.

I was also an early bloomer walked at 7 months talking at 11 Knew 1-100 by 3 new all my alphabet too.

She may exhibit most of the signs of dyslexia and not have it at all. Its one of those things. I remember feeling horrible not being able to read and would sit crying feeling like a failure, it put me off reading in the end.