How much do you know about your parents health?

[belledechocolatefluffybunny]

My mum has a few medical problems, she was hospitalised for mental health problems when I was 11 (a long time ago), I've descovered tonight that she was then diagnosed as being manic-depressive (explains alot). I am fairly annoyed that, 22 years later, I have only just found out given she's needy iykwim. It seems silly given her arthritis/heart failure/osteoperosis/IBS/bronchiolitis etc that her children have no idea. Surly this impacts on our health aswell, not just the genetics but also on our understanding of her problems and how to deal with her. Sorry, I'm ranting!
Are you not entitled to know?

Why?

I think you are entitled to know about your children's health, you are responsible for that. Your parents though, if they want to tell you they can.
I know everything about my parent's health (I think), mainly because my dad has an inherited blood disorder that I needed to be checked for and also because I speak to my mum and dad. A lot.

No, it's her private business. Would be nice if she shared with you, but she doesn't have to.

My parents are decrepit, so I do know quite a bit about their health

I think family health history is important and as long as you dont obsess on it, is a guide to preventative actions. (so I know my parents and my kids know mine).BUT a lot of this is retrospective, how do we know if an acute attack will become a chronic one, and if we think we are managing it how do we know we've screwed the kids up if not afterwards. Its all just hughly personal. If we work on haveing more intimate moments with our parents/kids then hopefully we can have more moments of disclosure.
Dont think entitled comes into it.

Mmm well ,my partner is retired phsyciatric nurse and part of his remit was to help family cope with issues .
Tricky one ,I personally would feel just same as belledechoc but I guess if mother wanted it kept secret ,that's up to her .
Families ,who'd have them...

In the past lots of conditions weren't spoken about. For example my Mum had TB a year or two before I was born. I didn't know until I was in my 20s when another relative mentioned it. It used to be associated with poor circumstances and was seen as a source of shame. It's possible the same kind of thing was going on with your Mum OP.

My mother explains her every minute pain and niggle in infintissimal detail

I'm not sure which is worse really

I've just found out she's schizophrenic

When you're dealing with the older generation - sometimes they are not used to being open about mental health issues, as they were often considered "taboo" in their day.

Aches, pains and general grumbles however are fair game to discuss with anyone that will listen

So far my mum has been pretty healthy. But her mum was in a mental hospital for 20+ years (schizophrenia) and her dad died of bone cancer. Mental health is a bit iffy on that side of the family. But mums pretty healthy, waitrose organic food seems to be her way of keeping in tip top shape.

Dad's just died of prostate cancer which isn't directly relevant to me but I do make DS eat lots of tomatoes as apparently they have something that benefits the prostate. His side of the family have high blood pressure, but again nothing too bad.

Lol! My mother shares everything, including her bodily functions. I was there when she was sectioned, three times plus. I have phoned her tonight and she seems 'with it' IYKWIM. My mother has nothing but her health, it's her main topic of conversation. Surly if she can share her prolapse/bladder/arthritis etc with me then she can share this aswell? It does explain all of her behaviour though. We've had to put up with her 'episodes' for years, surly if we had this knowledge years ago it would have helped us.

I'm so sorry to hear of your family Meg

It is an awful way to talk, you are right. I have no other way to explain it to be honest. I can't explain why she felt the need to use her walking sick as a magic wand which she then used to touch each patient in a ward incase they died. As much as I try to understand, I can't work this out.

I don't know alot about mental illness, all I know is that it's a chemical imbalance in the brain. It doesn't make me ignorant. All of my siblings have had 22 years of living with her illness with her, it's hard to put yourself in her position when you've not had the knowledge behind what's caused it in the first place.

I have to disagree with you, swallowedafly. There's a big difference between living with someone who gets away with unacceptable behaviour because they're a self-obsessed prima donna, to living with someone who se behaviour is tolerated and accepted because you know that they are ill and their illness affects their beaviour.

It is perfectly possible that belledechoc would come across more compasionate if she had had more understanding of her mum's condtion as she grew up.

Parents and family members do have a right to privacy, but they also have a responsibility to their family members. Sometimes you have to waive the one for the greater good of the other

She's delusional, looking back there are triggers which are stress combined with her being admitted to hospital. We were told that she had nervous breakdowns, nothing else. When I spoke to my aunt last night she said that she was diagnosed with biploar disorder when she had her first breakdown (22 years ago), today the psychiatric nurse has told my aunt that the delusions she has indicate schizophrenia. It's nothing to do with a lack of education, there's not alot I can learn about bipolar/schizophrenia in an hour. Whether it's schizophrenia/bipolar/anything else, it's stressful for everyone, not just my mum, she's a constant worry, it's almost as if I've never had a mother. I am patient with her, we all are. If we'd have known more about what had caused her problems then we could have supported her in different ways (like avoiding the trigger!)

This isn't about avoidance or ignorance.

No, the 'sense of entitlement' would have helped her. Every time she is admitted to hospital the same things happen over and over again, it must be so distressing and embarassing for her and none of us have understood or known what to do to help her. When I say we have had to 'put up with it' I mean that we have not known how to support her. I just didn't word it very well. She has been on antidepressants for a number of years, the psychotic episodes are generally always related to hospital admissions or an expected hospital admission. It's not a lack of understanding, I've grown up not knowing her to be any different, I've become complacent and have expected episodes rather then ask the questions. I think if I'd have known earlier...

OMG swallowedafly!!! You are calling the OP, a family member of someone with MH issues, and someone who has come on here confused, angry, asking for help (understandably I may add) 'ignorant and a bigot'!!!!!????? Ignorance is clearly a key word here! As is judgemental. Two words which arent key qualities in MH professionals which clearly you are

Thankyou Spottyshoes

belle, my mother had manic depression & like you I didn't know as a child & her hospital spells were explained by depression/breakdown. I found out earlier than you (but after I'd left home) & I do feel I would have understood things better and been able to be more use at the time if I'd known. I guess no-one really has an entitlement to that knowledge though; the secrecy definitely stems from an era when things like that were brushed under the carpet. I'd like to think that nowadays people are more liekly to be open about it.

Thankyou snorkie. I don't understand why she's spoken about everything else but not this. There are things that are highly personal that we know about (she was attacked when she was alot younger ), we've helped her access counselling and support for things that she's told us about, we could have helped her with this aswell.