How much do you know about your parents health?

[belledechocolatefluffybunny]

My mum has a few medical problems, she was hospitalised for mental health problems when I was 11 (a long time ago), I've descovered tonight that she was then diagnosed as being manic-depressive (explains alot). I am fairly annoyed that, 22 years later, I have only just found out given she's needy iykwim. It seems silly given her arthritis/heart failure/osteoperosis/IBS/bronchiolitis etc that her children have no idea. Surly this impacts on our health aswell, not just the genetics but also on our understanding of her problems and how to deal with her. Sorry, I'm ranting!
Are you not entitled to know?

there was and probably still is a huge stigma about mental illness - much moreso than other things I think. Also one of the characteristics of manic depression is that the sufferers always tend to believe it has gone away & they don't have it any more (or even that they have never had it). So possibly she didn't feel like mentioning it because she didn't think it was an ongoing problem.

you're welcome belle - I have first hand experience as a child of someone with MH issues and yes 'EPISODES'!!!....Have been putting up with them for yeeeeaaaarrrrs!!!!one other word for those who condone hiding possibly genetically inherited illnesses....cancer! Families should not hide medical records as it can impact many! Early diagnosis is key in pretty much ALL cases of ANY illness and I dare anyone to kick back and argue otherwise

I'm not sure. She's always said she's taking antidepressants, we've always been accepting and have tried to be supportive. She's always acknowledged that she's had problems. I'm not 100% sure that she knows. I don't think she knows that she had ECT, I overheard my father talking about it to my aunt several years ago. She does hide her depression but openly says that she's on antidepressants. When she's in hospital (for medical, not mental health, problems) she becomes so 'strange', it's delusions, she thinks my sister was talking to her through the TV, if people don't visit or pick the phone up when she calls she thinks they are dead (this is a common thing when she's unwell). Then there's her 'magic wand' walking stick, she had to touch people with this or they would die. Then when you talk to her she seems upset at being in hospital but rational.

I worry what I may have passed on to my son Spotty. If I don't know what is in my genetic make up then who knows.

So far:
arthritis, COPD, Broncialitis, MS (from me), hypermobility syndrome (which he has from me), flat feet (which he has from father's side), asthma (which ds has), osteoperosis, fibroids (which he can't get), heart failure, renal abnormaility, tourettes, strokes, pancriatic cancer.....

We could do with genetic testing

I always knew my mother took stuff for something and thought it was depression (I can't remember if I was ever actually told this or if it was an assumption on my part).

Every now and then she would decide she didn't need it any more and that never ended well. It seems odd that hospitals would be a trigger for an episode for your mother though (and episode really is the right word) - makes me wonder if they are getting her medication levels right - perhaps they have the dosage wrong on her hospital records or not there at all? I don't pretend to be an expert on the illness, maybe the change of environment & stress of being in hospital could be enough to trigger it alone.

I think it's partly because they mess the medication up, partly because my grandparents and my father have all died in the same hospital, she's not been treated well there (impending legal case) so it brings back alot of memories for her. She's always taken her medication, even when the hospital left her medication at the side of her bed then gave her their own (meaning she overdosed), she took them.

How's your mum now?

I find it hard, I've always been the one to look after her (worry that she's got home OK, called the doctor etc), I've never had anywhere to go for advice.

Dealing with mental illness in your parents can be hard.

My mother was an alcoholic and to be honest, I struggle with viewing it as an illness. I have read all the literature and still feel that in the end, she made some very poor decisions and after several years sober, I think she just gave up in the end and went off back to it to die.

Yes, she was probably very sad and hurting, but she also caused a lot of pain to me, to her mother and to others. The alcohol caused her to do some appalling things.

Not all mental illness is the same and there are different ways of getting through mental illness. If there weren't, we might as well all go to bed and give up. You can battle, you can give up, you can respond to it in very different ways. If you have children, I think you have to battle it as hard as you possibly can.

I can see where belle is coming from and I can see why it is unpalatable to hear. Sometimes mental illness is out of your control, but sometimes you can get help, support or fight it. If you are a parent, you can't just sit back and accept it.

I knew my mother had been hospitalised back in the 60s and they thought it was mental illness, but turned out to be multiple sclerosis.
Only after I'd had a total breakdown at uni and my mum found my antidepressants and knew what they were did she mention that actually she'd had depression for years. As this was just before depression became 'acceptable' - SSRIs weren't available yet, I just went 'why didn't you TELL me?'

On the other hand, it might not have helped - I knew from an early age my mum had MS, so she had regular trips to a special doctor and a blue badge, special fat pens and would leave me to pay for the shopping in the supermarket and push it back to the car from age 5 or so, but I never realised that collapsing on the floor or needing lots of naps was also part of it - I just thought she was a lazy grouchy so-and-so until it dawned on me when I was in my 20s

Although her explaining she was still addicted to the stuff she'd been prescribed in the 60s helped me figure that out.

I think you are being very harsh, SwallowedAFly. My family have a history of mental health issues, when I was a child I just considered it to be a part of life, when I was a teenager it made me hugely angry (it had had a huge effect on my life), and as I grew up, I guess I buried my head in the sand. It is only now (I am 40), that I have really started to look back in an objective way, and read up more about it, and I find it hugely painful to do so. I can't talk to my mum about it (she has many issues of her own, but it is my dad that has the main problems). It sometimes feels like I am trying to unpick a big and complicated knot, and it is not something I particularly want to do, but I worry about the fact that bipolar disorder can run in families, and I suppose I hope that I can try to change my perspective on it all - look at it from the outside, rather than the inside IYSWIM.

Sorry, if that was a bit of a blurble, but all this has just really started to bubble to the surface for me, so your post really resonated with me Belle. I do think it would be good if people could talk about health issues with their children, in a sensible practical way, but sometimes it is very complicated.

belle, sorry I turned in last night without saying I was about to. My mother died 14 years ago (of cancer, nothing related to mental health). To be honest I think it was controlled quite well most of the time (though crucially not so much when I was a teenager living at home - but maybe the stress of having a teenager in the house didn't help it) and my dad was the one who looked after her most. I suspect I wasn't told as at the time of diagnosis I was considered too young (I wasn't really - I was 11 or 12) & later I think everyone forgot I didn't know & it wasn't something that was openly discussed. I found out from listening to a radio program about the illness & putting 2 and 2 together. I like to think if I'd have known I might have been a less obstreporous teen, but that's quite likely not the case!

Given how difficult to live with (generally) people with the condition can be, I don't think it's unreasonable that people who are living with them should know. But it is difficult to balance that with a patients right to privacy and I don't think you can rely on a sufferer who probably doesn't really believe they have a condition to tell people, so maybe your aunt/father should have been the ones? Of course they possibly didn't realise you didn't know (given your mothers inclinations to discuss health issues, they may have assumed she'd told you) or else they felt it was your mother's responsibility to tell (which isn't an unreasonable thought on the face of it).

But there's really not much to be gained from apportioning blame now. The important thing is that now you do know you can find out more about the illness, talk to your mother about it and maybe support her better as a result (eg checking on her medication next time she's in hospital).