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Original poster

I'm 29, just been told I can't take the pill any more - and I want to be sterilised

67 replies

colditz · 06/05/2010 16:15

I think I am as sure as I ever will be that I don't want any more children. I have 2 sons and I don't want another baby.

how do I think my way through this?

Fear of pregnancy is going to ruin my sex life. I am TERRIFIED of becoming pregnant.

OP posts:
littlelapin · 06/05/2010 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purplepeony · 06/05/2010 16:30

Why are you terrified? Financial reasons? Your career? Your health?

You are, imo, too young.
I wasn't even married /with partner at 29.

If forinstance, your sons- God forbid- were killed in an accidnet, and some time later you wanted more chilren, how would you feel? Or if you got divorced and then met another man who wanted children?

muggglewump · 06/05/2010 16:36

I got it done two years ago at 30, with one 6 yr old and single (sort of anyway, and I told the doctor I was single)

I'd had two unplanned pgs and one of those was very much unwanted and I had a late termination which is what I think swayed it as I told the doctor I'd do it again, and I meant it.

I have no regrets at all.

I was never asked the 'if DD dies', question, but I knew the answer, she is the only child I ever want to be a mother to, and her dying would not change that. I was asked what would happen when (not if) I met a man who wanted a baby, I was actually in a relationship with my still current bf, but I scoffed at that and said, I don't give babies to men as presents!

LynetteScavo · 06/05/2010 16:36

Would you be able to use coil and condoms?

I understand how you feel, but I don't think a GP would agree to sterilisation. My friend (with 3 boys & one step son) + epilepsy + bi polar was refused sterilisation by her GP because she was under 30.

In ten years time things may be so different; you may have met a fabulous, generous, handsome, kind, rich man with whom you with to have a baby.

littlelapin · 06/05/2010 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo · 06/05/2010 16:38

It's stupid to think about "if one of your children dies". Personally if one of my children died, I probably wouldn't be the best mum to subsequent children.

heather1980 · 06/05/2010 16:39

sorry but wtf has it got to do with the gp?
i am 30 have 2 dc and a 3rd on the way. i will be getting sterilised after this one is born. i hate being pregnant and refuse to do it again!

Original poster
colditz · 06/05/2010 16:40

i have met a fabulous, kind, handsome man. He has two children of his own, and doesn't really want any more.

And last time I was pregnant I had such awful mental health problems it nearly blew my family apart.

If I found out I was pregnant now I would sell a kidney to pay for a termination if I couldn't get one on the NHS. THAT'S how desperate I am not to have any more children.

OP posts:
littlelapin · 06/05/2010 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eglu · 06/05/2010 16:42

My SIL just got sterilised at the age of 24. She has 2 DD's and has had two ectopic pgs since them.

Her GP was very unhelpful, but she went to see her consultant at the hospital and he agreed to do it for her.

I think you do need to have a long hard think about it, but ultimately only you can decide.

LynetteScavo · 06/05/2010 16:42

If that's how you feel, then talk to your GP. You seem pretty persuasive and articulate on here, so I guess you are in RL too.

Bummer that your man isn't rich, though

MumInBeds · 06/05/2010 16:42

Sounds like it is worth having a chat with your GP and/or the local family planning clinic and seeing what they suggest - if you want a sterilisation paid for by the NHS they may tell you that you have to be a particular age but you could probably get it done any time if you went private.

Indith · 06/05/2010 16:46

My sister was sterilised at younger than that. She is childless, she knew that she didn't want children and the thought of pregnancy scared her and affected her sex life. She was also concerned about the impact an abortion would have on her mental health should contraception fail. It took a couple of years from first bringing it up with her GP but she was happy with the way she was treated, she was seen by a consultant, her opinion was respected, they gave her time to make sure she didn't change her mind and when they were satisfied they did it.

Original poster
colditz · 06/05/2010 16:46

It's really easy to seem adult and persuasive and articulate on here though.

In RL I sound like a little girl - I have a very squeaky childish voice, especially when nervous, and have to FORCE it to a lower register in order to be taken seriously! LOL Also I'm 5'1 and have fat hamster cheeks.

OP posts:
sparechange · 06/05/2010 16:50

What about the coil?
Or would your DP consider a vasectomy?

stripeyknickersspottysocks · 06/05/2010 16:57

I was 27 when I was sterilised, only have one child. Never had any problems either with the GP or hospital Drs.

My body, my (informed) choice. Talk to your GP, tell him/her how you feel and that you understand it has to be considered as irreversible.

purplepeony · 06/05/2010 16:59

Littlelapin those are exactly the kind of questions any person should ask; this is reality.
I am amazed that you think such a question is out of order.

Children dying, partners dying, divorce, new partners etc are all part of the thinking which anyone should do.

My DH never would have the snip as he said if we split he might want another family if he met anyone else.

The world is full of people wanting reversals.

Coil- especially Mirena is almost 100% effective.

Original poster
colditz · 06/05/2010 16:59

i couldn't ask him to have a vasectomy, we've only been together a year, we don't even live together.

This is me. I cannot bear the thought of another pregnancy.

I need to think about this, really.

OP posts:
BariatricObama · 06/05/2010 16:59

i don't think a gp should make decisions based on the size of your cheeks!

just go and demand it.

ffs @ the what if your child died scenario. they are not puppies

EldonAve · 06/05/2010 17:02

Do you think the pill refusal reasons are valid though?

Original poster
colditz · 06/05/2010 17:03

yes. I've been getting some fucked up migraines.

he's offered me the minipill but it's not as reliable, especially as I'm quite overweight.

OP posts:
muggglewump · 06/05/2010 17:05

Colditz, I'm 5'2, look a lot younger than I am and sound like a whiney child!
I still got them to agree

PurpePeony, I got pg with a mirena, found out at 19 weeks, waited 4 more for termination on NHS, total nightmare scenario and was what made me push for sterilisation.

belgo · 06/05/2010 17:06

If you've weighed up all of the other birth control options and none of them suit you, and if you want to be sterilized then go ahead.

There is no point in spending another few years using hormonal contraception if it's detrimental to your health and then you get sterilised at a later age. You may as well do it now if you are absolutely sure you don't want any more children. And you seem to me to be someone who knows her mind.

foureleven · 06/05/2010 17:07

stripeyknickersspottysock...

Oh.my.god. really! I have never been to GP because Ive been told by hundreds (exageration) of people that theres no way they'll give me the op.

There is no way in hell I will ever have any more children as long as I live.

Can I ask a personal question? Did it affect your libido?

supergreenuk · 06/05/2010 17:11

There are plenty of other options. I can't take the pill either for blood clotting reasons but sterlisation seems extreme.