I'm 29, just been told I can't take the pill any more - and I want to be sterilised

[colditz]

I think I am as sure as I ever will be that I don't want any more children. I have 2 sons and I don't want another baby.

how do I think my way through this?

Fear of pregnancy is going to ruin my sex life. I am TERRIFIED of becoming pregnant.

My GP suggested I got 'done' at age 24. rather than DH.

His reasoning - Half of all couple split up, If and when you do Eccentrica would keep the chidren and Mr Gallumbits might want some more with a new partner.

GPs are only useful if you TELL them what you want done.

supergreenuk can I ask what options there are? I can't take the combined pill by reason of severe migraines. It is the hormone that is to blame.

This rules out

-Mini pill (for me, although not very reliable, tbh)
-Implant
-Depo injection
-Mirena coil

Leaving
-copper coil (only suitable if you don't mind the methadology)
-persona (only suitable if you don't mind falling pregnant)
-Condom/femidom (not infallible)
-Sponge, cap etc (not reliable if you really don't want to fall pregnant).

I can understand Colditz' dilemma, tbh.

My SIL had this problem. She came form a large family and was adamant from he start that she only wanted one child. BIL adores his his dd but wasn't bothered about having another so no issue with her dh.

She was 29 when she had her dd and it took her quite few years of harassing her GP before she was sterilised at 32 years old. She is in her 50's now and has absolutely no regrets.

I so feel for you as I know how direct, determined and forthright my SIL is and she hd trouble gettiong the GP to take her seriously . He did in the end though. you need to be so sure of what you want that your GP can't argue. You need to act as if there is no doubt about this at all. As if it is a done deal so to speak.

I was sterilized three years ago when I was 29. There are times when I feel broody and slightly regret it. but deep down I know it was the right thing to do.
It has increased my libido though!

Oh and my GP didn't object at all, referred me there and then, although there was about a six month waiting list.

Children aren't puppies? what on earth do you mean?

Are you saying that if a child died it would mean you didn't want to have another one?
well think of David and Sam Cameron- they had a son who died and now are having baby no. 4- I doubt if they thought of the late Ivan as a puppy.

Maybe it's because I am in my 50s that I can see the bigger picture- and have more life experience of people who made major decisions and then wished they could turn back the clock that I am suggesting you think of all scenarios- no matter how distateful they seem.

oh- so it's children aren't goldfish now?
Grow up and try to understand how some people really live.

You have no idea hwo you would feel if a child died.
But being sterilised means that you have no options to have another.

I find it pretty sad that so many people think having a happy relationship means you have to procreate with that person.

This woman is an adult. An adult who had mental health problems in pregnancy and knows she does not want any more children and does not want other forms of contraception.

Fight your corner, colditz.

I know several women who were sterilised and childfree by choice.

They had similar mindsets to yours and have no regrets.

Being sterilised hasn't affected my libido. When I used to be on the pill I had a drop in libido but no effect with being sterilised.

Colditz - Just concerned about you "think" you are sure wouldn't want any more children but I see further down you would sell your kidney so I guess you are more sure than thinking.

If you could guarantee a trouble free pregnancy and delivery and be well afterwards, would that change how you feel?

purplepeony - I think it is bad taste to bring up Ivan on here.

I had dc2 at 30 and requested sterilisation before his 1st bd. I didn't want to keep taking hormones indefinitely. When the appointment came through 7 months later, my dp had left 6 weeks previously. I went through with it anyway on the basis that my instinctive reaction to the letter was positive. 11 years later, ex has married ow, and had dd last year. Ironically, am back on the pill to control endometriosis As long as your GP is convinced that your family is complete, your age will have no bearing on referral.

'Maybe it's because I am in my 50s that I can see the bigger picture- and have more life experience of people who made major decisions and then wished they could turn back the clock that I am suggesting you think of all scenarios- no matter how distateful they seem. '

Well, I'm nearly 40 and I find it patronising as hell to assume that, because I have the level of wisdom that I do, that what an adult woman decides for herself at 29 is automatically something she's going to regret.

DH had a vasectomy. He's 32.

He does not want to father any kids anymore. EVer. He doesn't want that to be a possibility, and condoms fail.

'If you could guarantee a trouble free pregnancy and delivery and be well afterwards, would that change how you feel?'

You can't, though.

I had mental health problems in pregnancy and afterwards.

They got worse with every one.

There's no guarantee they won't so you have to make decisions based on the now, not a hypothetical future.

After our third child, as a couple, we had to do some hard-thinking, because Mirena didn't work for me (Depo and Implant then ruled out because what happened was that my depression became exacerbated, on top of many other side effects), can't use combined due to hypertension, don't agree with methodology of copper coil and condoms fail.

Women especially don't usually go blindly into sterilisation because it is a more major procedure if it's not performed simulatneously with CS, involving GA, and the potential for ectopic pregnant is higher in the event of failure.

Women who request sterilisation deserve to have their views respected, not patronised and told they will regret what they do to their own body.

even if I could guarantee a trouble free pregnancy and birth, I wouldn't want the baby. I would feel obliged to keep it, it being my offspring, but I wouldn't want it and I would resent.

I don't want any more children. I obsess about pregnancy symptoms, I cannot see one good point to remaining fertile.

If my children were both wiped out in an accident, I wouldn't want more children, I'd want to die and would probably arrange matters thus.

Oh please don't bunfight on my thread

Anyway, the doctor said he's not happy about it, and that the implant is so reliable I might as well be sterilised anyway.

I am considering the implant if I get on with the mini pill. I know it's only a wee operation.

Go for it Colditz, sounds like right decision for you.

What if the mini pill fails, though?

If you really want sterilised, though, I'd not take his word for it and go to teh FPC or ask for a referral to a GYN.

Sorry, it doesn't matter if he's 'happy' about it, it's not his body!

TBH expat I've got such awful bloody medical phobias that I'm terrified of the implant, terrified of having to have an abortion and terrified past infinity at the thought of having another pregnancy.

I'm sure that fear was half at the root of my MH problems in pregnancy.

but ALSO terrified of sterilisation!

well, with sterilisation, you do get a GA.

so you're asleep for it.

and when you go in, they can give you some lovely drugs in your canula before the op that will take away all fears.

Expat, I know you can't guarantee it but I was interested to know if the decision would be different.

colditz - I think you need to ask the GP why he isn't happy with it and why exactly he needs to be. It isn't his decision. I wish you luck getting what you want.