'too thin' to menstruate?

[InMyLittleHead]

Have alluded to this in a v. roundabout way on Chat, but thought this was the best place for it really.

Basically, af is maybe 3 or 4 days late. I've got a copper coil, so it isn't that likely that I'm pg (don't want to be) although I haven't done a test. DP doesn't think I'm pg for some reason (probably wishful thinking) but thinks it's to do with my weight. I'm 7st 7, BMI is 17.7. I went down from about 8st 5 maybe 18 months ago, af has been fine since then, until now. What do you think, is it weight related?

I like my body fine, but I don't really want to wear so little clothes in public. I don't see why I should 'show off my body'. Maybe I am a bit shy, but it's not that weird. I don't really like beach holidays because I hate lying in the sun and get bored, so I never really go anywhere that I would wear a bikini.

I don't have children yet, have recently decided I don't want them.

Good on you for making an appointment, IMLH.
You are NOT an NHS time waster!
I hope that you will not be scared into gaining a wee bit of weight, rather that you will want to in order to maintain good health and to enjoy life as much as possible.
Even if you gained a stone you would still be very neat. Half a stone would probably make you feel better physically too if a stone seems too much.
Anyway, it's good if you can forget the whole weight thing and just eat and excercise for health. Easier said than done, but it is possible.

My periods stopped when BMI went below 18, so could well be to do with that. You need to get it up! You will feel so much better for it

IMLH, its good that you're going to the doctor. maybe he will agree with you, but at least it will be a chance to address these things.

If you're scared of gaining weight, why not think about it in terms of adding nutrients i.e. gaining health. This is how I coped as I recovered from anorexia, slowly reintroducing things as I felt comfortable with them, and initially with the goal of just being more healthy rather than thinking about gaining weight as such. It doesn't have to mean stuffing your face with macdonalds and cakes as of tomorrow , just maybe upping your calorie intake of healthy things.

don't blame you about the swimming costume thing, I wouldn't either, I really don't think that's a sign of a problem, but some of your other comments did worry me, only because they could have been me speaking 5 years ago.

I am saying this with respect to you OP and I'm a recovered bulimic but dear God, there are more important things in life to worry about then how thin you are. LIFE IS TOO SHORT. Get over it. Start looking at the bigger picture and start eating more!

TBMOM what an post!

If you are a recovered bulemic then you should know it's not just a case of "get over it" and "eat more".

TBMOM, you may have meant well, but you are totally ignoring the complex issues and background that make someone develop an eating disorder. If only it was that simple, I am sure no one would ever develop a disorder in the first place. However, with treatment and time, yes, it is very liberating to be free of the obsessions of an eating disorder and to be able to enjoy food and I hope that, if this is the OPs problem, that she is able to get there.

OP,I hope GP appointment went / goes well

TBMOM - wow, thank you for your enlightening post. I did actually write to both The Times and The Sun with my story - I thought the headline could maybe be something like 'Girl with marginally low BMI misses period', would bump the Copenhagen summit off the front page, surely? Can't understand why they haven't got back to me.

You seem to have such a great skill for reducing very complex issues down to simplistic solutions - perhaps there is a place for you in David Cameron's cabinet? Whatever happens, don't lose those fine forensic skills of analysis you have there; it would be such a loss to us all.

Maybe now you can pop off to the TTC threads and tell them all 'Hey, you're having trouble getting up the spout. GET OVER IT! There are more important things'.

Fuckety-bye to you.

tiredfeet I went today, it was OK. He said my BMI was a little low, but that opinions differed on the 'healthy' bracket and looking at my eating habits and attitude were more important. He didn't think those were very healthy. It was interesting to talk to someone objective, made me think that DP is maybe more genuinely worried than I thought; I thought it was about control.

He wants me to write down everything I eat (bit scary) and make another appointment in the new year.

; "I thought it was about control. "

Interesting OP- I think many of us have said it looked as if it was about control - but your control rather than anyone else's- or rather your rebelling against what you seem as control.

If you start linking food to control and rebelling then you have an issue, I'd say.

pp I can see it a bit. But still feel a bit justified. I think it was because he always phrased it in terms of 'I preferred you like this' rather than actually admit that he was worried (he is such a man). But he did say he was worried last night. He is away at the moment and texted me this evening saying 'What have you eaten today?' Even now I am 'grr'ing and want to say 'none of your business, piss off'. But that is not really reasonable.

I genuinely don't know where that came from OP, tiredfeet is right. I guess I just get so frustrated with it all and wish that people who suffer from eating disorders would recognise that they are ill and get help. It's amzing how quickly we make judgements and assumptions about people when we only really know a couple of lines about them. I hope you get the help you need.

The issue of control is yours not your DH's!

It sounds like your GP was very empathetic/sympathetic, which is really good.

Now you have to look at yourself and your eating habits and think is it really about your DH or about you and your need for control.

Why not try and approach this whole thing in terms of healthy eating, rather than your weight? Your GP has indicated that your diet isn't especially healthy - so why not focus on eating more healthy food, and forget about the scales for a while?

(I do know that this might be difficult for you, but I hope that you will take all my posts as they were meant - as someone who is concerned about you, even though you are a perfect stranger!)

I think you should be so proud of yourself for going to the doctor. It took me a loooong time. its a big step, it will be worth it though. my life is so much easier now. I used to panic about going out for meals so avoid them, etc etc

I felt that everyone was trying to control me when I was anorexic. I would get very annoyed with people telling me what to eat/ trying to feed me fattening food, and thought they were 'controlling' me, when in reality they were just worried and trying to help. It takes a long time to get that thought out of your head, thats why I'm glad you went to the doctor.

the thing is, and I don't know whether this applies to you, but a key the reason people develop eating disorder can be because they feel their life has spiralled out of control for some reason, so they try and (subconsciously) control their eating / exercise to an obsessive level instead, because that is something they can control. The problem is, soon the eating disorder is controlling you instead.

This was the case with me, I lost several people close to me in quick succession when I was 21 and it was just far too much to cope with, I lost weight, liked my new figure, tried to 'stay that weight' and then focussing on controlling my diet became a release from my other worries and this gradually slid into anorexia. Dealing with the underlying causes as well as my eating habits was really important.

It is scary, but the fact you are wanting to deal with this means I think you have the strength to sort this .

God, I hate to frustrate you TBMOM. How annoying that must be for you.

'I genuinely don't know where that came from OP' - that's 'cos you're so perceptive.

[reserves of sarcasm exhausted]

You sound like a very angry, spiteful little madam, I'm not suprised you don't like yourself very much. One word. Therapy.

I'm not even annoyed with you because of me. I don't have a serious eating disorder, but lots of people do and some people die of them. So saying 'Oh dear, I wish people could just get over it' is actually offensive. Go away.

IMLH- don' t waste your time attacking TBMOM.

What does come over in your posts is that you are very defensive, lash out at people who seem to hit a nerve, and have some kind of issue in your relationship with your boyfriend which you seem to ne ignoring- or at least pinning the food issue onto. Maybe you need to look at your relationship withhim as well as your eating?

I don't know you at all- but from what I have gleaned on this thread, you seem to have many of the personality traits of "classic ED material" if there is such a thing- very intelligent, academic, highly strung,( ie lashing out at TBMOM) possibly a perfectionist, very controlling, looking for help ( why else come to MN when you don't have children yourself and expressly don't want them?), but not willing to accept most people's advice anyway.

I'd say- quick judgment here- that there is some area of your life where you feel very insecure and unsure of yourself, or at least unhappy.

For you, eating is a form of exerting control over your life ( and others in your life.)

Behind the "am I too thin to menstruate?" question, which is a bit of bluff really, as your period was 3 days late, FGS, is the real question "DO I have an eating disorder?"

Please take note of what most of us are saying.

Maybe as well as using MN you should also seek from a forum for ED- ask your questions of them state your case, and see what responses you get back.

At least try to eat healthily, which is what others have said- have a proper breakfast, snack before lunch, proper lunch with protein and veg/fruit and the same for dinner.

But at the same time, I'd suggest you take a long, hard look at your relationship with the man in yourlife, any previous relationships you have had, your relationship with your parents, and any pattern that exists there. Therapy might not be a bad idea.

I hope you are ok, IMLH. My mum is far too thin, and looks awful. She has medical reasons for her skeletal shape. It's bad for your brain to starve it, and of course your bones crumble. If there is a physical reason for your weight loss, it needs to be sorted. Weight loss is a symptom of all sorts of diseases, not just eds. Are you developing a bum-fluff beard or a hairy back? Do you have any other symptoms?

Periods do not usually go AWOL without reason.

IMLH, hope you are ok. I'm sorry you seem to have been attacked a bit on this thread. I thought your defensiveness was perfectly natural, it is very hard to accept you might have an eating disorder. and it is very hard to untangle genuine concern from 'controlling'

anyway, I really wish you well with trying to get healthier, and hope you get good support from the doctors, will be worth it in the end

I'm fine.

I think I must have given people the wrong impression but I'm not really sure how. Honestly, I'm not ill. I don't look wrong; if you saw me you wouldn't immediately think 'she's got a problem'. I don't have any physical signs of anorexia. The doctor did some checks and didn't seem to think there was anything wrong, or that my BMI was actually worrying, as it's not 'something ridiculous, like 15'. It is possible to have all the traits you mentioned without actually being anorexic. I think there is a difference between being a bit weird about food and various things and actually having an ED. So I'm not going to go to an ED forum, because I haven't got one and also it would be boring.

I'm on MN because I was trying to make a decision about whether or not to have children, and decided I would be rubbish at it. But I still find it (MN) quite interesting.

I've hesitated to post on this thread. Partly cos you sound rather like me. Partly because its a bit difficult for me and I'm not sure why. bmi of 17.6 at the moment. It tends to be my pattern to drop weight over the autumn and pick it up again after Christmas.

When I look at myself I like what I see. It looks reasonable to me. I find it hard to believe that this is an unhealthy weight.

I also like what I see when my bmi is healthier. I don't want to lose weight, I'm not comfortable with gaining it either, though intellectually I know that is rather stupid of me.

I do know a few things though:
I have more stamina with a bit more weight on. I'm also less tired and less cold. My mood is more stable. When my weight is low I tend to get blood sugar crashes which makes me very unreasonable! I am concerned about my bone density, though I do a lot of walking.

I also know that normally I don't care about my weight and barely weigh myself. I don't think about what I eat. When my weight is low, it starts to get more interesting to me. odd. I think that low body weight is a vicious circle, that leads to disordered thinking about weight and food.

My ways out of it are first of all to make sure I'm resting enough. Not rushing around frantically. Also, baking bread and nice food. Seems to help me relax about what I'm eating. Changing ratios, so that I eat a bit less veg and a bit more carbs.

So, now that I'm being honest, I've got no excuse really, if I'm to take responsibility for my own health it must begin with making sure I am a healthy weight.

I hope that is somehow helpful to you.

IMLH- if you are so fine why on earth did you post asking for opinions?

I think everyone acknowledges that it is possible to have low weight, not be interested in food etc and NOT have an ED.

However, so much of what you said, such as the cntrol stuff and being defensive appears to make it possible - no more than that- that food has a psychological element for you, rather than just wanting to look "good".

If your idea a of looking "good" in your eyes is enough to make your partner concerned and worried about you, then that seems reason for concern.

I find it a bit odd that you think that by reading MN posts you can decide whether to have kids yourself. What this is , is a forum of anonymous strangers who only give a tiny snapshot of their lives.

Surely the decision to have or not have kids comes down to discussing it with your partner, not whether you think you would be any good at it?

I think you have real issues with self-esteem and maybe you need to find someone to talk to in real life.

Well I posted asking mostly about periods. People post asking all kinds of random questions, e.g. my arm feels funny, what is it? etc. I haven't based my entire decision about whether to have kids solely on MN, but have realised recently that it is not for me.

Good luck then- I hope you find some peace. I still think you need a bacon butty.