'too thin' to menstruate?

[InMyLittleHead]

Have alluded to this in a v. roundabout way on Chat, but thought this was the best place for it really.

Basically, af is maybe 3 or 4 days late. I've got a copper coil, so it isn't that likely that I'm pg (don't want to be) although I haven't done a test. DP doesn't think I'm pg for some reason (probably wishful thinking) but thinks it's to do with my weight. I'm 7st 7, BMI is 17.7. I went down from about 8st 5 maybe 18 months ago, af has been fine since then, until now. What do you think, is it weight related?

Is your current weight your "natural" weight, or are you consciously doing your best to maintain it by eating less than you would if you listened to your appetite?

I'm not saying you are anorexic, how can we know. your DH is the person most likely to know as he sees you each day and will have an awareness of how much you eat etc.

However, I was anorexic for about 12 months after a quite traumatic time in my life and it manifested itself exactly like how you are describing. I didn't starve myself, take laxatives, or make myself sick. I was just very conscious of how much I was eating and how much exercise I was doing, because I 'didn't want to get fat'. I had no desire to get thinner, just a desire to stay the same size. But over time, focussing on that meant I lost a lot of weight without knowing how - through not eating enough, not having enough fatty foods and through over exercising. When people worried about me (like your DH) I too assumed it was because they wanted to control my body size, and resented their interference.

It sounds silly took an old friend who I new used to fancy me who told me I was far too thin now, and I finally saw myself how I really was, and how thin I really was. I too couldn't admit it when it came from close friends and family, it felt like they wanted to control me.

Maybe you aren't, but there is something in the anger of your posts that reminds me of myself then.

It would really be worth trying to find a sympathetic doctor, counsellor or friend. Or, if you're not ready for that yet, then at least be a friend to yourself and try and find the courage to look really honestly at how much you are focussing on your size/ how skinny you really are and also any issues behind that.

My periods stopped for two years at that time, it is an extremely common side effect of being very underweight, as you are. My periods also stopped for a few months when I was stressed.

I do resent the OP being asked to consider EDs, though I also hear those of you who have experienced EDs.

OP- I think the crucial question is, what is the right weight for you normally?

We all have our right weight- for years mine was around 7st 4lbs in my 20s and early 30s. I am now 7st 13 and need to lose a little.

So weight is not just about stones and pounds it is about how you look and feel and what is right for you.

The important thing is- do your clothes "hang" on you? Do you have any visible body fat at all?

Have you consciously eaten less to lose weight? why has the weight fallen off?

I think, pp, that the OP is worrying a lot of people, which is why there have been posts about ED. This isn't the first thread where the OP has talked about her DH's concern with her weight as well her desire to maintain this (relatively) low weight.

Ahhhhhhh...okay

Well. I don't think I look 'too thin', i.e. although I haven't got too much fat anywhere really, it's not freaky or anything. I wouldn't want to be any fatter.

I don't try to lose weight, but I am very very keen not to go back up to the weight I was before, even though that is healthy, because I think I look better now. I had a little dip down to 7st 4 in the summer, but I really was not eating enough then. I am not that interested in food, and if I am left alone and don't have to go out (if I'm writing a paper I will work at home often) then I don't do the exercise that stimulates my appetite etc. in a circle.

Obviously, if it can be proved that it's really damaging my health, I will have to think again. I would rather do exercise and build up muscle than just eat more.

Basically, I haven't got the self-control to be anorexic. I do think about what I eat, but if I really want something I'll have it, no matter how many calories it has.

Only a couple of people have said they think I'm too thin, and I have trouble taking their opinions seriously. One is a friend who is quite a lot bigger than me (and it looks fine on her but wouldn't on me) so her idea of what's a good weight is different to mine. The other, DP, I think is just because he preferred me sexually before.

I'm just a bit about people saying, well your DP thinks it so he must be right. Would you say the same thing if someone came on saying 'I'm a size 14, my DP thinks I'm too fat'? No, everyone would say - fuck him, it's not his body, is he perfect? etc etc.

Not a fan of the CrackFox comment "I bet you are... immensely pleased with yourself that you are a size 6.' Yeah, and? I wouldn't say "immensely pleased", but you wouldn't say that to someone who was a size 16, because that would be classed as unkind. I'm really grateful for everyone else's comments even if they're not always what I want to hear, but that slightly got on my tits (such as they are).

My sisters periods stopped completely for two years because of her weight. She didn't have an eating disorder, but exercised a lot and ate a very low fat diet - not enough fat for someone so active, basically. She put on a stone and her periods came back. Not rocket, really.

I wouldn't worry yourself now, but if your periods stop because of your weight, you need to put on weight, simple as. Health over looks every time.

If your BMI is very low (ie. below about 18/19) it can affect your fertility, which you probably know already.

I am really not trying to be unkind, this is said with concern, but are you always this grumpy and defensive? Do you get headaches or anything like that? I just wonder if your mood would improve with a good pan of Scouse down you.

Do you have a problem with your husband finding you sexy/not?. That is the other thing that occurs to me from what you've posted- it's almost like you don't want him to fancy you IYSWIM? Of course I don't know you well and haven't read any of your other threads, so I accept I may be way off here. But I wouldn't cut my hair short, for example, because I know my DP loves it, even though it would be more manageable for me. Do you see what I'm getting at? I don't think your DH is being controlling just by expressing a preference. If he's a complete wanker, then ignore me, but if he is a normal loving guy, then I don't understand why you don't want to take his feelings about it into account.

Well, he's not my husband - I'm not offended by anyone saying it but just thought I'd say.

I obviously do want him to find me attractive, and he does even though he preferred me before. He tells me he thinks I'm attractive a lot. But it does (probably irrationally) annoy me, because sometimes it feels like he thinks that's all I am, and it isn't. I'm very academic, it's the main focus of my life and hopefully I will always be academic but I won't always be pretty, so I would rather he thought a bit more highly of me for my brain rather than my body (probably wishful thinking). I fit most general standards of attractiveness, so it bugs that he should pick on my weight just because it isn't exactly to his liking.

I really don't think you would say what you just said BoF (even though it is a perfectly reasonable question) if I was a size 12 and my partner wanted me to be an 8.

It's not that I don't want to take his feelings into account. I've thought about his feelings, I consider them a lot in other things, but on this my opinion is more important.

I don't often get headaches, btw

Fair enough.

On the size 12 thing- it's funny you should say that, because I have gone up to that from an eight since being with DP, and I used to model for him a lot when I was slimmer. He thinks I'm gorgeous, but I know he thinks I look better thinner (it helps that I agree, I suppose). He doesn't want me to feel bad about my body or insist I lose weight. It doesn't offend me that he has a preference though. I want to lose the weight, but he appreciates that it will happen when I'm good and ready.

what do you have to lose from going to a doctor / similar and just checking though? Maybe you're right and they'll say that its fine and its not affecting your health and you don't have an eating disorder or similar. Then you and DP would be reassured. It doesn't seem like you've got anything to lose from doing that really.

Your language, ways of expressing things, really sound like me when I was anorexic. even though at the time I would have thought I was convincing myself and others that I wasn't by using the very same arguments. especially the over-emphasis on needing exercise to stimulate your appetite, and not really having an appetite.

"Only a couple of people have said they think I'm too thin, and I have trouble taking their opinions seriously. One is a friend who is quite a lot bigger than me (and it looks fine on her but wouldn't on me) so her idea of what's a good weight is different to mine" - please remember that only those who are very close to you will feel brave enough to bring this up. Many other people will be worried but to scared to talk. I found out later that my mum was desperately worried and cried in bed most nights, but she was too afraid to say anything in case it made things worse . Also, not taking someone's opinions seriously because they are larger is exactly how I reasoned my way out of beleiving I had a problem.

Rather than thinking your DP is trying to control you, might he not just genuinely care?

IMLH, the short answer is that if your bmi is below 18, you are too thin to maintain good health, just as someone with a bki of over 30 is damaging their health.
You've been pretty rude on this thread to people who have made some valid suggestions.
I am another ex-ed sufferer. I didn't go nuts at first, just wanted to maintain my low weight, but it is easy to slide from there by constantly over-shooting the mark.
What your partner finds attractive or not is neither here nor there atm. He is concerned for your health. YOu may not have an ed, but you do sound like you are on the verge, not so much in terms of weight, but in attitude. I recognise it from my own behavior in the past.
Perhaps this thread is yor way of asking for help? I don't know, I am making a guess. But please take the advice people have offered you here. See your gp who can check your hormone levels as well as basic stuff like bp, liver function, fbc, etc.

You shouldn't get too hung up on BMI- in theory mine is borderline- it's 19.5 now but was down to around 18.5 at one point and I still had plenty of flab round my middle. At the same time, some sports men have an "unhealthy" high BMI but they are all muscle.

However, OP, I think you are sounding as if he subject is about control- it does come over as if you are saying to your DP_ "I am not going to put on weight for you, as I value me for my brain not my body." This is fair enough, but to use yourown logic, if you were a size 20 and he was concerned about your size, would you still ignore that and look on it as a control/sex issue?

I think the fact that you osted your question here shows that there is an issue! Most educated people- and you are one of them- know that to have a period a few days late is not a sign of low weight- any google search would answer that query!

No, the fact that you started this debate about your weight seems to show that you feel it is a deeper issue. I suspect that you wanted everyone to assure you that your current weight was fine.

So, back to the beginning- did you ask the question becuase you genuinely were worried about your periods,( which I find hard to believe as if you write papers and are an academic then you can easily research low weight/menstrual cycles) or because you are really concerned you have a weight issue and don't want to admit it to yourself?

Are you being honest with you?

pp Yes it was a genuine question. I did google, and it said low weight can make you miss a period (mine almost a week late now, unheard of for me). DP, with his medical hat on, said maybe it's because of your weight. That's why I asked. Loads of people post here asking stuff they could have just looked up, but wanted people's experiences.

nicky I don't think I've been rude. Where I think people have misinterpreted my OP I've corrected them. I did pick on one comment that I thought was unnecessary and unhelpful, which I'm allowed to do.

I will think about making an appt with my GP if I still don't get my period. Otherwise I think it's a bit of a waste of their time.

I think you should make an appointment to see your GP. Even if your period comes today. You've brought this up often enough on here that you must have some doubts about the healthiness of this weight, so why not go talk to an unbiased professional about it?

IMLH- the easiest answer is to eat to put on say another 4-5 lbs and see what happens to your periods-Your GP will simply weigh you, say you are too thin at BMI 17.7, and suggest you eat more.

I still think your post was not totally honest- a period which is a few days late is not going to show that you are underweight. Periods stop for months if you are anorexic, or do a lot of sport ( and get thin).

Put it another way- if they have got irregular/disappeared because of low weight, what next? will that convince you to eat more, or do you still want to battle with your DP about it?

Are you not bothered about what he thinks or wants? if you were 20 stone and he complained- or vice versa- what would you do then?

If you are really thin and bony, then I can see it's not much of an attraction to a man- sorry, but true.

I think the simple answer, which I have asked you throughout this and which you avoid- is, how do you look?

Have you still got reasonable boobs- if you ever had? Has your belly got a roundness to it, or is it flat like a man's? Do you hip and collar bones protrude a lot? Have you got a thin face? Are you thighs full or do they gape with a gap in the middle when you stand with your legs together?

I don't think we can judge youjust by your weight as so much depends on muscle, fat and bone . People think I weight very little, but when they see me undressed they realise I have a good covering a good covering of fat ( my fat scales say 24%)and am simply a tiny person!

Lookswise - boobs were a small C and now a B. I've got quite a round face. My thighs have got a gap in the middle but they always have.

My point re DP is that I'm not the opposite equivalent of size 20, i.e. a size 4 or something. I'm an eight, possibly a six in some shops, which is maybe a little small for some tastes. But then a 12 is a little big for some tastes, but it's still fine.

If my periods stopped I would try to put on weight, but it would be difficult and I would probably hate it. But I'm not planning on getting any thinner so they shouldn't stop.

If you have lost almost a stone in 18 months, how would you feel about putting on half stone to up your BMI to say 18.5 or 19?
Half a stone would not really show if you think of it spead over your entire body, and it might get you out of the dangerously thin range.

Tell you what- if you want a definitive opinion, why not post a pic of yourself minus head, in undies, so we can judge? go on,let's all GOK you! You are obviously worried enough about this to keep raising it.

Hi, InMyLittleHead,

I think you are intelligent enough to know that you are taking a risk with your health by maintaining a body weight as low as yours (particularly since you have not always had a BMI this low, so can't legitimately claim this is an entirely natural BMI for you). Add to that your lack of weight bearing exercise, and you really ought to take more seriously the risk (not the certainty, of course, as there are no certainties in life) of ending up half your current height (when your bones start to crumble), with a hideous dowager's hump. Your periods do not have to have stopped for you to be risking this happening. And you do have to be undereating all the time to maintain a steady body weight quite that low, which means that unless you are totally obsessed with exactly what you are eating and ensuring that everything you eat is nutrient-rich, you are probably not getting all the proteins, vitamins, minerals, etc, in the right proportions, that you need to help safeguard your long-term health.

I understand your dilemma, though - it is not as easy as it sounds to just put on a little bit of weight (and it is only a little bit of weight we are talking about). Having got used to being too thin, and liking the way that looks, after all, you are going to find the thought of maybe putting on more weight than you need a bit frightening. I also understand the problem of not being interested in food - I get like that, too, quite often, when I've got lots of other interesting things going on, and it's really quite tiresome having to make myself make an effort to prepare something that my taste buds have no interest in whatsoever. I really do wish I liked food more, rather than eating it as a necessity a lot of the time.

Christmas coming up is a good time to quite easily put on a bit of weight, though, with very little effort! Could you not try to relax a bit over Christmas and, when you've put on a few pounds after Christmas, just make a bit of an effort not to lose them, again?

IMLH, if you think it is nothing to worry about, why start a thread? Not havingn a go, but I don't think you are being honest.

purple is right in that you shouldn't get too hung up on BMI, but it is more your defensiveness that is a problem. Howver, I would say there is a difference between a BMI of 18.5/19 and one of 17.7. The cut off is there for a reason. 18.5 is very slim. 17.7 is underweight. It is not arbitrary. Statistically, optimum health is found between 18.5/19 and 25. There are individual variations, but low weight combined with a fear of gaining weight is not healthy.

nicky- I agree with you in that the OP must realise there is more to this , and is being defensive.

I speak from someone with experience here- I have been slimmish all my life except for a puppy fat stage at 11yrs old. However, I LOVE food and left to my own devices would be a sze 14 or more rather than a size 10. But as heart disease is prevalent in my family ( mums side) i try to be healthy.

I digress though- a few years back, aged 47, I had a bone denisty scan out of curiosity really , egged on by a friend who had got one done and had a had a scary result.

I too was found to have bone loss- not full blown osteoporosis, but nearly there in my hips.

No reason for this- no risk factors excpet being under 9 stone in weight. (for some reason that is a guide.) i weighed only 8.5 stones when pregnant with a 7.5 lb baby, so there is no way I would ever hit 9 stone!

Since then, I have put on about half a stone- middle aged spread- but have also made huge efforts with exercise- got myself a personal trainer for a few sessions- really try to eat the right foods- and not dairy as i am allergic to it- and am pleased to say that at my last scan earlier this year my bones are getting better.

So, OP I suggest you do take this seriously. Low oestrogen levels at any age can make your bones crumble. As others have said, you can still have periods but not ovulate ( low oestrogen).

I think I might have had low oestrogen for many years not due wo weight especially, but now that I am taking HRT I feel very different all round.

So your body weight is a risk factor and the longer it goes on, the more at risk you are.

Really no thanks to your kind offer to 'Gok' me, purple! I don't even like wearing swimming costumes on the beach. Thanks though.

Hmm, I suppose everyone has a point. Have made GP appt for tomorrow (NHS timewaster), will see what he says. The best thing to do would probably be eat a bit more and better, and do exercise. But I am lazy and hate gyms, and seem to spend a lot of time in places where you aren't allowed to eat - like libraries. Maybe if the GP scares me enough I'll try harder.

Ooooh IMLH- sorry you turned down the offer.

I am worried about you really. If you say that you don't like wearing swim suits, but you are happy supposedly with your figure, it seems to be a contradiction. No?

Do you have issues with body image and self esteem?

Is this what the eating is all about- and exerting a little bit o f control on those around you who are worried?

You don't have to go to the gym.
I don't go to the gym. I bought myself some dumb bells, ankle weights and bone building exercise books. I sue them at home in the bedroom. I walk 3 miles a day except today as it's pissing it down and i have my writing to get on with!

excuses girl- stop it!

No, I genuinely don't have a problem with how I look. But I hate wearing swimming costumes in public and always have, especially bikinis. DP bought me one in the summer that I have never worn - it's just like being in underwear around strangers! I know that is a weird view.

IMLH- you say you don't have an issue but every word you write shows you have!

Unless you are an incredibly shy person, then why is being in swimwear an issue, unless you don't like your body?

The fact that your DP bought you a bikini seems to show that he is happy for you to show off your body in public- why aren't you?

Do you have children by the way?

I really don't want to seem unkind or critical, but there do seem to be certain other issues going on here that you are ignoring or regarding as normal, when in fact by most people's standards, they aren't.