Question about HIV

[helpsoscared]

I am a regular poster, I promise, but I've changed my name for obvious reasons. Someone will probably guess who I am but I don't care, just didn't want to post under my usual name.

I have been celebite since pregnancy with my third child,now 2, and felt great, much better than when I was with my ex.

Anyway, he turned up a few months ago and started seeing the children, but has been putting lots of pressure on me to have sex. He is very persuasive, and I eventually caved in. I didn't have full sex with him but gave him oral sex

Two weeks later I got a bad sore throat. I went to the STD clinic and the doctor looked. He said as my tonsils were inflamed he thought it probably wasn't an STD, just a normal throat infection. He gave me Amoxycillan. I have been on it 5 days now and feel no better. I feel like I have flu but am not sneezing, just shivery and not quite right. I also have a headache.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm making myself feel like this, I have convinced myself now that I have HIV and can not forgive what I have done to my children. I felt so clean and happy when I was on my own and now I feel dirty and diseased.

I have looked it up on the web and apparantly with HIV, you can get flu like symptons 2-4 weeks after becoming infected.

Can anyone tell me honestly what the chances of becoming infected with HIV are after one episode of oral sex (the job was completed, if you know what I mean)

I feel so disgusting and ashamed. I know it's no excuse but he is a very controlling person. I find it hard to stand up to him.

I'm pretty sure he has not injected drugs but he has been with ALOT of women. He is what some may call 'a player'

I know no one can really put my mind at risk and I will have to wait 3 months + for a test but just wanted to share how horrible I feel.

That - is for negative by the way JustThinking, sorry x

PLease try not to worry. If you want to talk to someone who knows what they are talking about contact the Terrance Higgins Trust on 0845 1221 200. They have people on line till 10.

Please try not to worry

Because it an irritation antibiotics make absolutly no difference to it.

my glands are slightly swollen though too? Doesn't that mean my body is fighting something? And if it's not responded to antibiotics it must be viral

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You might not respond to the anti biotic because the bacteria are immune to it!

You could have swolen glands because you are fighting off the 'flu.

is the 0.04% per contact with someone who is HIV? I mean, are those figures taken from couples where one is known to be HIV for sure?

Really feel for you - i started worrying about HIV when i was pregnant.
Everyone is giving you the statistics of him transmitting it to you through oral sex etc - but this is pressuming that he has it - which i'm SURE he does not. I am sure the throat infection is totally unconected. I am sure speaking to a person on the HIV hotline no. will give you some reassurance (sorry dont know no. think its in yellow pages)
Take care - and dont feel guilty about it - these things happen

Please, you can't second guess this. Please phone the contact number and let them put it in perspective. This is far more likely to be an ordinary virus.

Okay, will do once all kids in bed.
Thanks all x

im probably being tottaly blonde and have missed it but does ur x def have hiv

Oh, you poor love. It is incredibly unlikely that your ex has HIV - very, very, very unlikely. If he did, it is fantastically unlikely that he could possibly have passed the virus to you via one act of oral sex. So looking at all those extreme unlikelihoods, I would say your chance of having contracted HIV is as near to zero as it could be.
You feel rough because you probably have a totally normal, very common viral infection (which is why antibiotics aren't helping - they do nothing for viruses).
And you feel really, really bad because you feel so sad that your horrible ex persuaded you to do something you didn't want to do in the first place.
But having oral sex with your ex under pressure does not make you a bad person, and you haven't hurt anyone or done anything wrong. But you will clearly feel better about yourself if you can find the strength to make it clear you will never, ever have sex of any kind with him ever again. If he doesn't get the message then you may have to point out that if he doesn't stop bullying you, then you won' t be able to let him into your home, which means he won't see the kids.
Good luck. I am so sure you are fine.

Thankyou aloha, you have made me cry just because you are trying to make me feel I am not bad. I so, so hope you are right about him not having it

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I know some people may not understand it, I am a grown woman, I should be able to say no, but he just makes me feel so uncomfortable. The kind of person, who you walk past him and he has to touch you. The night this happened I was crying and upset and he cuddled me and I just crumbled as it was so nice to be cuddled and I was lonely

I think having sex when you don't really want to is something most women have experienced to some degree or another. It really, really doesn't make you a bad person. I don't think much of him, frankly, but you sound lovely.

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You must try to stop beating yourself up over this. This doesn't make you a bad person.

I don't have anything to add except sympathy, in bucketloads. You poor love.

Helpsoscared, so sorry you are frightened, but please try to relax. As others have said, whilst there is a risk involved in any kind of unprotected sex, oral is remarkably low. Last time I worked in HIV, swallowing is better than spitting, so you did the best thing there, and its not just it being in your body that is a problem, so having it in your stomach would be no risk as the gastric juices would kill it pretty fast. The danger of infection is from sores in your mouth, tongue or gums. To put your mind at rest ring a helpline that people have posted. I think that some of your anxiety is probably about what you have done and its getting mixed up. You are not bad, he should not have pressurised you. Take it easy, get your throat better, and give yourself a rest. Sending you hugs!

Thank you so much for all your kind words, it's so nice to know there are people who care x

I've just rung the THT helpline. The man was really nice. He said it is possible and un likely, as you have all said. He said there are 1500 cases of transmission by oral sex in the UK in the last 20 years, which sounds a lot to me, although of course it isn't really, although I keep thinking what if I am one of the 1500?

He also said that most of those people had other oral health issues like mouth ulcers, gingivitis or a throat infection at the time.

By the way, he said 90% of people will show positive within 6 weeks of infection. I think I will go for the test then rather than wait another 6 weeks after, couldn't bear that.

If it is positive, I want to know for my children's sake, I feel scared to kiss them or anything

Hate myself for putting myself in this situation, I feel so weak willed and stupid

I'm glad that you have decided what to do. Please keep posting adn am keeping my fingers crossed for you(still sure youare OK)