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Original poster

Tried to save someone but they passed away infront of children,

71 replies

morningstar · 28/09/2009 12:20

I am in shock and naturally upset but friends have said I should get checked out as I did cpr without protection please advise as I feel this is unrelevant.

OP posts:

endoxana · 28/09/2009 17:20

Well done for trying, I think so many people walk on by now but its reassuring there are people like you.
I know a little about this, the chances of having contracted anything are extremely extremely small. Things like HIV and Hepatitis are quite hard to contract from syliva in a situation like this. If it was a bit more traumatic bleeding, vomit etc the risk increases a bit.

Go and see your GP to discuss. If it was an unexpected/sudden death there maybe a post-mortem in which case you should be entitled to know if he had anything infective. If not and you are obviously worried you should have bloods taken now to check you for blood bourne viruses and once again in 3 months as it can take this long.

I hope this is of help but I have to say you would be really unlucky to have contracted anything.

Original poster

morningstar · 28/09/2009 18:36

Im sorry to hear this happended to some of you too, thank you for all of the kind words xx
Ive been invited to the funeral and asked if I want to say goodbye to him before but I feel so confused and sad right now.
How long does shock last for does anyone know?

OP posts:

donnie · 28/09/2009 18:40

what you did was a truly good thing. It will mean so much to that man's family that someone really tried to help and was there for him, it really will.

The risk to you physically will be so small - worth a check though.

Shock can last for a while - hot sweet tea etc.

Funeral - decide later.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 28/09/2009 18:43

Saying well done seems so trite but I want to say I am in awe of you for what you tried to do.

Take care of yourself.

Original poster

morningstar · 28/09/2009 18:46

Thank you for all the kind words ive been invited to the funeral and I will go to say goodbye, I have been asked if i wanted to say goodbye personally too I dont know what to do, please advise me.

OP posts:

Northernlurker · 28/09/2009 18:50

Just to add to everybody else - you did the right thing. You were brave and strong - even if you don't feel it.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 28/09/2009 18:50

What is making you unsure? Are you a little scared? Do you think you will regret seeing him or regret not seeing him?

Original poster

morningstar · 28/09/2009 18:58

Yes im scared and I thought I saw him the night he died, I dont want to remember the way I last saw him which was not nice and cant get out of my head and his childrens faces looking at me in hope i could save him. I just need to talk about it and the family have sent a card and said they will never forget what i did and as im typing im so sad it has made me realise all the things that i should be grateful for especially my two young children.

OP posts:

lavenderkate · 28/09/2009 18:59

Morningstar, I was with my Father when he died.
I chose not to say goodbye before the funeral.
I dont regret it.
Some people need to, some dont.

Not sure if that helps?

You did a wonderful thing. I'm glad to know there are people like you out there

Original poster

morningstar · 28/09/2009 19:02

thank you lavenderkate you made me cry, I think its hit me today especially as its bought memories of when my grandad died he was a father figure and died when I was 15, i choose to say goodbye I dont regret it but he was my grandad I just feel there is no closure and i have so many questions i need answers for sorry.xxIm so sorry about your father xxxx

OP posts:

fruitshootsandleaves · 28/09/2009 19:06

morningstar, I'm not sure that I would have been quite so courageous as you. I'm sure it's been said already but it may be worthwhile a little chat with GP/counsellor about your experience.

lavenderkate · 28/09/2009 19:24

Oh dont. You made me cry too now (snivel)
I was trying to make you smile silly xx

Original poster

morningstar · 28/09/2009 19:26

Ive stop now and laughed only becuase i was talking to my friend and the phone went dead the batteried ran out and i have no others and this mn is all i have to talk to well you actually so im laughing now xx

OP posts:

NorbertDentressangle · 28/09/2009 19:33

morningstar -you did a good thing, you will always be remembered for that by his family.

Re: whether or not to see him to say , was he someone you knew or a stranger? Its just that this may have a bearing on whether or not to see him. If hes someone you knew you may have happy memories of him from before that will come back to your mind after the initial shock has subsided?

MmeLindt · 28/09/2009 19:39

Wait another day or two before deciding about going to the viewing.

I am glad that the family have invited you to the funeral and have thanked you. That is so important, you have given them the assurance that there was really nothing that could have saved him. You tried so hard but he was beyond saving.

That is a comfort, I think.

nappyzonecantrunfortoffee · 28/09/2009 19:42

morningstar well done for trying , its great you have them skills, its the only part of my first aid course i really remember and hope i never have to use them. What do you mean you thought you saw him the night he died? In a spooky way?

Original poster

morningstar · 28/09/2009 19:42

I knew him and his family, we werent close but i saw him every morning he was a lovely man and cared so much about his family and that shone through I wont forget that. xx

OP posts:

lavenderkate · 28/09/2009 19:43

Good.

You should be proud of yourself MStar, and you will remember this forever. If you had the courage and the strength to do this you can do anything in the future.
What did your friends say?

Just a thought, perhaps you could leave one single flower from you for the coffin if his family dont mind? Or perhaps on the grave in a few weeks time?
What do you want to do?

You actually dont have to do anything you know. You did so much already.

MayorNaze · 28/09/2009 19:47

you did so well lovey, well done. the family will never forget it and it will be a confort to them, i'm sure.
a colleague and i had to do cpr on another colleague some years ago. my friend was doing mouth to mouth, we had no protection, you just don't stop to look for your little mouth guardy thing when you are actually faced with a situation like that. unfortunately the man died, i think he had been dead for a little while before we found him but you have to try don't you?
the chnces of anything contaminating you are so so so microcosmically slim, really, by all means speak to a dr for your peace of mind, but more importantly talk as much as you feel you need to about it, pref someone professional but we'll do at a pinch

don't feel bad if you don't want to go to the funeral or anything like that, you must only do what you want to do, not what you think you should do.

well done again. sorry for rambling, but thought could empathise/sympathise

lavenderkate · 28/09/2009 19:50

I think it's a way of honouring you that the family have asked if you want to say goodbye, you know. Thats a deeply personal thing.
But I am totally convinced that they will not be offended if you say no.

What do mean you saw him?

(If we're on that topic, I am convinced my dear Dad dropped the bedside lamp on my head that night after he died.
We always had this daft idea that we would make a sign from the 'other side'.
I sat up in bed and roared with laughter. DH went into panic and thoought I'd lost it).

MiniMarmite · 28/09/2009 19:50

You have so much to be proud of morningstar. Trust your instincts when it comes to what to do next.

Good idea to go to GP if you have any physical or emotional concerns about your health.

wonderingwondering · 28/09/2009 19:53

I recently updated my CPR training, and the trainer said that if someone collapses in front of you (i.e. not in a hospital) and needs CPR, you have only a 10% chance of saving them: 90% of people in that situation will die.

I know that sounds stark, but he said that on a previous course, a woman there had tried CPR on her father, who had died, and she'd always thought she should have saved him: the realisation that the odds were heavily stacked against saving somene in that situation really helped her.

Well done for giving it a go.

The infections risks are small: the trainer also said that there are no recorded cases of HIV being passed through CPR. There is a small risk of hepatitis. It is probably worth speaking, as other have said, to your GP about the whole experience, not just the infection risk (which I understand is very low).

Original poster

morningstar · 28/09/2009 19:54

To answer the question I thought I saw him the evening he died, my partner has been fantastic he said sleep deprevation,stress etc may have made me see him or thought I saw him,he doesnt believe I always have.
Only my friend and husband know they gave me support with my partner took me out helped me with kids over the weekend fed us took care of me along with partner,and have said that I should be proud that I tried to do the best I could and thats all that anyone could ask for.
Im not going to see him personally I feel for me this will only make things worse I will go to the funeral and say goodbye but will only go if im not on my own.if not I will do it in my own way maybe with a family memeber and leave a flower etc on grave, I cant make a decision yet.

OP posts:

lavenderkate · 28/09/2009 19:57

Wondering, is that really the case ? i am shocked.
I have performed CPR 3 times on 2 of my children when they were tiny. (Complex medical reasons).
I am pleased to say they were not in that 90%.

wonderingwondering · 28/09/2009 20:00

I think the figure relates to adults.

I'm sorry to hear about your experience with your children.

On the infant first aid courses I did, they said CPR for children is different: it usually breathing rather than the heart stopping, whereas in adults, it is usually the heart that stops so the breathing stops. And you can't restart a heart through CPR (unless you have a defibrillator), you just keep the blood and oxygen pumping until the ambulance arrives.

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