abortion..

[mary123]

I really dont want to go through this pregnancy but the only alternaltive is to have an abortion and I dont want to do that either.Has anyone had an abortion how did you cope if at all? Plz help...

Mary, I think you've been badly let down by your doctor and by this pregnancy crisis centre - which sounds like a front for an anti-abortion pressure group, frankly. Unfortunately that is one of the lowest tricks they play.
GP and clinic are trying to blackmail you when you are at your most vulnerable. I think that's evil. If your GP is anti-abortion, they should be honest with you about their point of view and refer you to a partner or another GP asap.
Do go to BPAS, as other posters suggested - they are truly impartial and won't try to push any agenda on you. And if, after proper unbiased counselling, you decide that an abortion is the right thing in your circumstances, they could help to arrange that for you.
Someone very dear to me had an abortion once - has never regretted it for a moment because it was the right decision for her. I hope whatever you decide you get the healthcare you need. And, when you are feeling stronger, consider making an official complaint about your GP. S/he is failing in their professional duty and needs to be pulled up.

Mary123, of course no one can tell you what is right for you. I had an abortion many years ago. It was sad, but it was the right decision for me. I never regretted doing it, just that it had to happen at all, IYKWIM.
I have a 22 months old ds and had PND until he was about 14 months old. I was terrified during that time that I would get pregnant again so I have an idea what you are feeling. As ds got older and more independent and I recovered from the PND I began to feel differently.
Good luck with whatever you decide. My thoughts are with you.

Gosh mary123, truly shocking advice from that centre and it does sound as if they were an anti abortion group masquerading as a group who give advice. Wise words from Edam, I agree. I hope you're ok, do feel free to CAT me or ask more or talk more about how you're feeling here.

Hello Mary123

The advice others have given here is wonderful and very helpful. Everyone has their own reasons as to why abortion is right at the time for them or a choice they wont make at a given time for them. Like you I had very high bp in last two months of pregnancy and my daughter was delivered emergency c-section seven weeks early and had to spend 4 weeks in neonatal. Should your BP problems occur again who will look after your daughter while you are in hospital possibly for weeks again at a time? and if hubby is away with the navy? and certainly I understand your worry about pnd coming back ( I never suffered with this) but again the issue of who will care for your existing child should you be in hospital or suffering with pnd are really important issues. I undertsand your situation as my dp and I too have to really think carefully about the timing of our next child and factor the possibility that I will be in hospital for a good while with high bp . Neither of us have parents around, either passed away or not in the country so we are on our own and like you I feel I could never have got through my time in hospital with high blood pressure and the c-section. So what I am really saying is sometimes you can believe you'll never do something but don't let that blur the reality of your circumstances, yes termination is not ideal, we all know that even more when we've already had a child/ children because we've all had our 13 week scans (I had a scan at 10 weeks and dd was perfect then) but your choices if you avoid termination are have you got several weeks of 24 hour care available for your daughter should bp put you in hospital and how will posibble re-occurence of pnd impact on daughter, possible new baby and you alone without huuby's support? and / or how would cope emotionally if you pursued adoption and found there was no pnd to worry about - could you be happy with 2nd baby growing up elsehwere - perhaps there is fostering as a consideration but again this is no easy option. I would certainly understand if you chose the termination as way forward, its not an easy decision, but it's understandable with the circustances you describe

Thanx guys, ive made an appointment to see someone at BPAS. Have to travel 200miles to bournmouth as that was only place I could get the earliest appointment. I forgot to also say that the women said a termination would also affect my fertility is this true? I just wish I had better help form my gp to begin with ive already wasted 2wks and now im starting to feel awful. Ive tries imagine this baby as part of my future but I just cant. Every time I have a bad time with dd it just makes me realise that I would never be able to cope.

And this week has been made even worse by the fact that I found out I was preganat last sun pm and dh had to go a few hrs after it was a whole wk before we could speak face to face about what we wanted to do.I was so angry that he had to leave me when I was in such a state knowing I didnt want this baby. Ive never felt so alone.

Mary... an abortion will NOT affect your fertility. I have been pregnant twice since I had a termination and have a happy healthy little boy now.

I think the way you have been treated is appalling! I do hope that the people you speak to at the BPAS centre are more help to you.

I really feel for you, because it's such an awful situation to be in. And the longer it goes on, the worse it seems.

Rest assured though, that there will always be people here if you want to talk about it.

mary, you poor thing. What nonsense - a termination will not affect your fertility.

When is your BPAS appt? If a termination is the right decision for you, I would definitely go private (or non-profit making, as BPAS or Marie Stopes are), and do away with any further waiting.

You will still be v v early in weeks.

its tommarow i couldnt wait til friday for my nearest clinic so decided to travel and if I do go ahead then it will be priviate.

Ok. Much better than waiting until Friday. Look after yourself.

Mary, I am so so sorry you've been treated this way! I echo what I said before - irrelevant of how you have felt in the past about abortion, you can never make these decisions before you are in this situation.
You will do what is best for you and your family, I hope the next place will be fully impartial and it will enable you to be clear about your thoughts - and as for fertility thats bullshit - I dooooooooo know that for certain! Anyway, ((((((((hugs)))))))) and don't worry, the choices you make are going to be the rights ones for you, its your life and you must live it how you see fit not how 'others' or how you think 'others' do! i hope this makes sense.

Hi Mary,

I had an abortion in January. Of course i found it hard emotianaly, but my dd was only 7 months old at the time and i was/am absolutly certain that i did the right thing.
This fertility thing is rubbish, having a termination will not effect you, please don't worry.

I had an immediate gut feeling that the prgnancy was not right for me and i knew that it wasn't the right time or right for my frame of mind (i have pnd)

It's never easy to make a descion like this. Remember alot of people have been through this and know what it's like.
Take very good care of youself, don't give yourself a hard time about anything. We're all for you.
Please do feel free to mail me @ [email protected] if you need to chat.

Thinking of you
Cat xxx

Hi Mary123, just to agree with all who say it's bollocks re your fertility, I have 2 children.I'm happy to give you more detail about what is involved if you decide to proceed. I hope you're ok.

I went for my appointment although they were nice im feeling more confused. I was told i was 7wks by the nurse according to my dates and so i felt reassured that i was still very early. However, when the doctor did an internal he thought i was bigger and put me down as 10-11wks. I was horrified. The nurse said it could be because its my second baby and quite soon after dd. Now im questioning myself, i feel awful as i know i dont want or would not be able to cope with this baby but at the same time i said i would do it no later then 10wks. Ive booked a apptmet under a GA for early next wk so still have time to think about it. I just wish i wasnt in this situation.

mary123... the exact same thing happened to me. i am 100% positive about the time i conceived. and i would have been 8 weeks.

after the internal the doctor said i was 13 weeks and that i would have to come in asap. so was booked in 2 days later!!!

afterwards in the notes they had put me down as 10 weeks!

sorry, that wasn't really much help was it?

i tihnk everyone who finds themselves in this situation wishes they weren't. it's probably the most difficult decision you will ever have to make.

I can only wish you well in whatever you choose to do.

The Dr's dates are a whole month earlier, then. But if you know you had a period...? Or do you know the exact conception date? (some people do! I had a peadiatrician sitting on my bed in the ante-natal ward telling me loudly and bossily that my baby was far more overdue than was thought. Little did he know - if my baby had been conceived any earlier than my dates suggested, he would have been conceived while I was out of the ocuntry for a month, across the atlantic from DP. And before anyone winks, DS is the spitting image of DP - but the paed felt very able to insist that he was right and my baby was 3 instead of 1 week over due!).

How far pregnant do YOU think you are?

Even if you were 10 weeks, early next week would still be under 11 weeks, iyswim.

Poor you - remember to look after yourself through all this.

Believe me it is a situation that no one wants to be in if they are in it and have doubts - I again must say (I think irrelevant of dates) the outcome is you do what YOU THINK is right for you and your family. I am sorry I cannot guide you anymore and I hope you having a chance to discuss this in RL with someone you trust however, don't worry about your decision, it will be right for you!!! IN MY opinion!

Mary123, just thinking of you this week in all your difficult disissions and however you decide to live your life it will be the right path you take becasue you've decided it. All the best and post if it helps and don't if it doesn't iykwim. (((((hugs)))))

bump!

Hi, guys I decided to go priviate at bpas I had to travel 200miles to bournmouth to have counselling etc last wednesday and to see the doctor for an examination. I was offered an appointment to have it done the next day but the doctor had freaked me out by saying i was 10-11wks when I thought i was only 6wks. I decided to book a appointment for a few days later which was for yesterday so i could take it all in.I went to the appointment yesterday and waited in the waiting room to be seen with my head full of doubts telling me I couldnt do this, maybe I could cope with another baby, what if i never recovered from this experience emotionally.Dh held my hand and I almost wanted him to tell me not to go through with it even though i knew this pregnancy wasnt right for me. No matter how hard i tried i couldnt picture this baby in my future not at this time in my life.

My name was called, i kissed dh goodbye and went through the double doors not knowing what to expect. There i found another waiting room, i waited in silence with a few other women from different ages and backgrounds. I had some blood taken and then i had to have a scan which i was dreading. I was relieved to find out i was only 6/7wks after all.But my mind was still in conflict.

One by one we were called through and given an gown to change into. Everything seemed to be moving quickly now. The nurse took me into the lift and held my hand saying she would be with me until i fell asleep. I was holding back the tears and wondering what the hell i was doing-this wasnt me. I went in the anaesthetic room and laid on the trolley, the nurse still held my hand and stroked my hair telling me that i would be absolutely fine as a mask was put over my face and a needle was put into my arm for me to go to sleep.

When i woke up it was all over. I didnt feel in any pain and i didnt feel any real regret about my decision. I just felt relieved it was over.TBH i felt normal again and like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

My only regret is that i got pregnant at the wrong time and that it had to come to this because i didnt feel i could cope with another baby by myself.I cant say i dont feel guilty because i do and i still dont agree with abortion but now i understand why some people go through with it.It isnt an easy decision and it isnt taken lightly.I will make sure that i will never put myself in that position again.

Im not sure what to expect from the future now as its still early days. Sometimes my mind wonders to my baby and i feel sad. But for some reason something inside me was so strong for me not to go through with the pregancy like it never was meant to be. I hope i will be able to put this behind me in time and that somewhere, someone will forgive me.

Sorry for waffling on but i felt i needed to share my experiece. Thankyou to everyone for all your help, support and kindness. I still cant beleive its happened but i hope that it was the right decision for me to make at this time and that i dont go on to regret it in the future.I have a beautiful dd who i now want to concentrate on and spend time with.I just hope i really can get over this. Thanx again guys.

im glad you have got this sorted as you were obviously very stressed about it - im sure you did the right thing for you and your family and thats what matters.

mary... i felt just like you did when i had a termination. It's a horrible feeling. But i do know I made the right decision.

I am glad that you feel you have made the right decision... did the bpas offer you any counselling? remember you can take them up on this later if you don't want it straight away...