abortion..

[mary123]

I really dont want to go through this pregnancy but the only alternaltive is to have an abortion and I dont want to do that either.Has anyone had an abortion how did you cope if at all? Plz help...

Mary123 no one is here to judge - the decision as you know is yours - however, it may do you good to discuss your feelings in more depth and this is sometimes easier to write to us who don't know you than discuss with counsellors or other friends.

Please try to describe some things, we are here to help and listen! This is going to be an incredibly hard decision whatever you decide because of how you are feeling right now, however time ticks on and it shouldn't be ignored as though it isn't happening.

((((hugs))) It is going to be hard but please try to express your thoughts to us!

Sorry didnt want to give too much info. But anyway I think im 6wks pregnant. Dp is in the navy and is due to go away around the time the baby is due. Hes just started to go away during the wk to do courses and will be home only at the wkends until he goes away.

Before that he has been home for 2yrs working normal hrs and so dd1 was planned. He didnt miss ne thing not even antenatal appmts. I had high bp with dd and was in hospital towards the end and on high doses of medication. It was a very stressfull time and without dp I would have fell apart.

DD has only just started sleeping through and ive began to cut down breastfeeding I just feel like im starting to get my life and body back. I just dont want to be pregnant at this time I feel this baby has ruined my perfect little family. dd at an age where i would be able to cope alone with her but a nb im not sure. I feel depressed at the thought of it.I do have family but im not sure how they would react to this pregnancy although I know my mum would do her best but its not the same as having dp.

You have obviously discussed with dp as you say hes shocked but will stand by you. Have you gone into how you are feeling with him, ie. do you discuss it, is he going to be able to help you decide? Well done for coming back and putting this down, I had my third when my second was 16m, I shan't lie, its bloody hard work! but not impossible.

We have discussed it and he can see both sides to it I think he feels guilty cus he knows that its his job that is having a big influence on my decision the fact that I prob will be on my own to raise two young children. Its hard enough any how i miss him so much.I went to the doctors and he said it was usual for a women to have a termination when theyve already got a child and starting out. He said that he thought I would regret it. That it would turn out to be a good thing and dd would love it. Told me to come back in a few wks time.

Not sure he should have said you'd regret it, he should be inpartial and as your GP stand by whaterver decision YOU make!!!!!

TBH i woke up this am thinking i just dont want to be pregnant and the only way for that would be to have an abortion. I went to the doctors and said basically i was unsure, i was hoping to get some sort of advice with regards to what abortion would entail or suggestion of counselling to see if it was a choice i could make. I came out in tears and more confused it didnt help to say come back in 2wks either seeing as time is a crucial factor.

If i have an abortion i may regret it and prob would feel bad about it but what if i have this baby and cannot cope i could regret that too. I worry how that will affect our family.

mary, i had an abortion last year i done it because of lots of reasons i cant say i dont regret it but i kno it was for the best, lots of lovely mumsnetters were here to help me in whatever i decided, ill try and do a link to my thread,

email me if you want to chat hun , take care
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Thats tough, the gp should have been a lot more helpful - have you thought of ringing the people suggested by www earlier in the thread! or see another (female) dr. later in the week

Im going to give them a ring 2moro am. I only found out i was pregnant yesterday so i am trying to take it all in still. Just want to say thankyou to everyone for your help and kind words.

mary... contact the BPAS. I did this when i had an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy.

They told me where their nearest clinic was, and I went in and had a chat with a counsellor lady who was SO lovely... it really helped.
Luckily I had a very sympathetic GP who was also helping me through depression and other things at the time... which does make all the difference...

But there ARE people out there willing to listen and help you sort out what you want to do.

I found the BPAS lady very nice, non-judgemental. She didn't push me either way.. just let me talk through my feelings and decide what I wanted to do.

mary

tried to email you hun but you cant accept mail.

do whats right for you,

Sorry jambo, ive changed my profile now. Ive been unable to cat anyone because they wont accept my password.

If you are at all unsure my advice would be to get the referral for an abortion up and running, not forgetting that you can change your mind at any time, even on the operating theatre table. In London, it can take (worse case scenario) about 4 weeks to get an abortion on the NHS. Obviously you are still in very early pregnancy and I don't know where you live, but this is an average waiting time. If your GP is unhelpful, I would go straight to family planning (call 0845 310 1334 for your nearest clinic) and get your referral papers and appointment date. I personally wouldn't wait another 2 weeks, knowing that i could be waiting another 4 weeks after that. During this time, if you can, talk to a counsellor and think very hard about your decision. If you then decide that you do want an abortion, you don't then have to wait another 4 weeks for it. If you decide you don't want an abortion, you just cancel your appointment. Abortion is very safe, but its easier and less traumatic (physically and emotionally) the earlier it is performed. I would agree with the others though, that if you have any doubts at all then you need to work through them because once an abortion is done, there's no going back on the decision, especially if you feel later that it was a wrong one. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Mary, I think HelloMammas advice is very sensible. It sounds as if your GP is acting from a certain point of view - and advising you to wait 'a few weeks' is obstructive. Seek independent counselling and help: BPAS, Marie Stops, Brook (if you are young enough). And personally, if your own decision is that you do not want to be pregnant, I would seek speedy private help if you can afford it and if NHS waiting lists are long. Earlier is better, IME if you are resolved in your decision.

Really sorry you are in this situation, but I agree with you that it is as important to think as much about the effects on your life, stress, ability to cope and the effect on your young child. 'Every child a wanted child' is an important cornerstone of happy families and happy children, IMO.

depending on your situation you may be able to get a termination free through BPAS. I had mine done at one of their clinics and didn't pay because I had a referral from my GP.
I assume (but didn't ask) that it was free because of my mental state at the time, and other circumstances (young, no job etc)

your doctor will be able to refer you to hospital to have this done.

You could also contact epu at the hospital who will be able to discuss and arrange this for you.

Your doc is being very nasty in telling you to wait a few weeks this is mental torture to yourself and if you are certain about this the sooner the better

Some local boroughs will contract out abortion work to private providers like BPAS and Marie Stopes just to keep waiting times / lists down. It is common in my area to be referred to one of these places. The NHS pays the cost.

I went to the pregnancy crisis centre with dh for some counselling yesterday. I was close to walking out when she told me that at 12wks the baby is fully formed and then she actually showed me a picture. I just broke down.I admit some things she said rang true but the advice was definitely not impartial.Dh said we could go priviate if we decide to go for it. I just wish there was more help and understanding.Ive always been against abortion so for me to even consider it must show how unhappy and scared I am about this pregnancy.

mary i know loads of people who have regretted having abortions but none who have regretted having the child.

i know its hard and scary but if you are so against abortion i cant help but think its wrong for you.

ds1 was a nightmare unplanned pregnancy with a git of a father i only met the month before and i am soooo glad i kept him.

and fwiw i dont think she was wrong to show you the pic - what if you saw it the week after you had the termination - would that have been better?

sorry, i didnt mean that to sound so preachy. i hope you are feeling a little better. incase it helps, i had ds2 when ds1 was 18months, split up with xp 2 weeks after he was born and coped fine. i got involved in lots of toddler groups and stuff (which your dd will be getting ready for soon i imagine) and found there is a lot of support to be had there. it can work, lots of people do it on their own and i found it easier to establish a routine for us all without having to think about another adult