mummylonglegs where are you?
awwww thanks for the encouragement guys you lot are truly fabulicious.
aww...can't tell you how hard it was today - i kept thinking- its day 8 - there are absolutley no chemicles in your body - this is all in your twisted brain - but the wierd thing was i recognised the triggers. so stress - my boss mostly that definately had me wanting a fag - then when i hadfinished work and got in my car i got that moment where i could have just lighted up.
good thing........phonedmy dh becuase my boss was pssing me off so much and told him how much i wanted to go buy some fags - i had the bank card - i had drawn money out earlier for a coffee and the shop was just round the corner - lovley man my dh is - he talked me out of it he romanced me with " if i smell it on you i will go fkin mental" or sommat equally lovely.
bad thing........ i can't get over how utterly utterly desperate i was today. i sat in the toilet at work just thinking " i hate this job,my kids are nearly grown up, the ONLY enjoyment i have is fags, now i am depriving myself of that ....is it really worth having an enjoyment free long life? i mean really ...it would be so much easier,nicer, livable if you just went and bought some fags..........just smoke half a fag then throw the rest away.... just smoke at work and not at home. ....just smoke one fag per day." but i didn't buti really did have that melodramatic - is life worth living without fags moment..... thats really really sad.
then a resident phoned me up and was really nasty ont he phone and put the phone down. so i went outside -like i would for a fag and just took 10 minutes.
funny thing.......errr cant think of one today sorry.