I have had an accident with a custard cream

[MrsJKyle]

It appears to be wedges up my vagina and my vagina has insuficient lubrication to dossolve it, and I can't reach it.

Should I dial 999?

I am worried a crumb might impregnate me and I will have a custardbaby

But what will I dunk in my tea now? I was going to eat it after A&E removed it.

Shove a sausage roll up there, then you can call the Swine Flu Hotline.

When I had a Duchy original up mine, I went private, so I can't help you I'm afraid

Should the sausage roll be a greggs one? Or does it have to contain REAL meat?

A real pork sword is what you need.

You need to give it a poke with a matchstick - orange flavour, preferably.

What if the matchstick gets wedged there too and then I have twins? Kustardie and Oranggiey

I hope you are happily married or there could bu custardy issues and that would be distressing for you.

Its ok. Husband has access to a lie detector machine, he can see it was a genuine mistake. (I slipped on a wet fish and landed on it naked)

custardy issues

To be honest, unless you are dual heriatge/mixed race yourself, sticking a mathctick up after a custard cream could mean you need that DNA test more than ever.

Oh CRUMBS! Don't you know you should always lick the middle out before dunking

Do you have an emergency fruitshoot?

lick the middle out

That could be a possible solution.

ROFL!!!

Well, it could have been worse. I read somewhere that a bottle causes a vaccum effect so you would have needed to go to A&E.

Wouldn't it be soggy by now dear? (boak)

Did you take it out of the packet?

plunger??

the wet fish you slipped on was it dead or alive?

How or more importantly where is it now?

have you tried pelvic floor exercises, it might crumble.

If custard cream is still in situ, have you considered using chocolate fingers to prise the offending snack out? You can then enjoy stirring the remains of the CC with the CF into your morning char? Yumsk.