Continued support for SPHINCTER INJURIES, FISTULAE and other CHILDBIRTH INJURIES - the Ragged Bits Thread

[Jacksmama]

Hi all,
old thread here.

Cyee started this thread in May 2008 after her op, and it's been a haven of support for so many of us who have injuries to our bits from childbirth. Especially with respect to sphincter injuries, fistulae and incontinence after childbirth, there seems to be such a lack of support for women, and the entire subject seems to be taboo. It's as if most MD's think that "a certain amount of damage is to be expected after birth and you just have to live with it". Well, that is simply not the case - and this attitude is unacceptable.

There are all kinds of Ragged Bits stories on this thread. Be aware that THERE IS NO "TMI" HERE - this is the one place where you can spill it all. If you read through the old thread, which is nearly full, you'll see that someone, somewhere, has probably experienced it - whatever it is! So don't be embarrassed or ashamed... we'll tell our poo stories if you'll tell yours.

And also - there are success stories here. Several of us who have been through the medical mill have been successfully "repaired" and are "fully functional", so to speak or even expecting again. In those cases, please join us for Pervwatch - the "after action" report for anyone who is once again venturing into marital relations!

Welcome everyone. We're sorry you had to find us, but we're glad you're here.

p.s. I didn't have beer in the bath (or wine for that matter). I had a shower and drinking alcohol of any kind in the shower seemed a bit less I'm-having-a-relaxing-half-hour-to-myself and a bit more I-can't-even-shower-without-a-drink-these-days

FWIW - I had the feeling of fanny farts as well. I finally mentioned it to my GP and she said that because the vaginal opening is bigger after childbirth, when you pass wind it temporarily gets trapped in the opening and then passes.
Embarrassing but better than a fistula.
And it stopped happening to me sometime last year - but I can't remember exactly when.

I seem to recall Jacksmama lured me onto this thread via a thread about farting after childbirth!

I remember when DD was about 3 months old going to visit the in-laws and standing up to put dd in the car seat and doing a ma-hoosive fanny fart. It went on forever. I was so mortified and tried to pull a face that said "yes, that was the baby. Everyone was so quiet Did I mention that it was a birthday party? - SIL, BIL, aunties, grandparents, people who you call family but they're not really. I had quite an audience.

They're not as frequent now thank god.

Oh and pervwatch DH and I attempted sex at the weekend for the second time this year and all was going well until, for some reason, I did a big fart (normal exit). We ended up laughing too much to carry on but, farting aside, it felt like a step towards normality!

lol luving the fart convo's

Who ever thought I'd have so much to say on the subject! or not sure which.

My best friend from college can still crack me up when I'm having a day by yelling "FART FART FART FART FART!!!"
Even my mum has done it on occasion just to witness the uncontrollable laughter.
Thank goodness she didn't do it much right after DS was born - I'd have PMSL for real .

I went in for my squeeze test and nerve tests today. I think my nerves are ok because they didn't go on to do "further mapping" but they didn't have anything positive to say about my squeeze test.

I found it quite painful after my op the other week and cried when I got into the car afterwards. I think it was also the embarrassment of it. A middle-aged man rooting around my bum for 10 minutes testing the nerves and having a 7cm probe inserted. All while another doctor and a nurse watched. And it was very bright. I felt like everything was on show, not just my bum. You'd think I'd be used to it now wouldn't you?

Anyway, DH took me for lunch in a country pub which cheered me up. He's just got back from the shop with cake - he's a good man .

You lot are a crack

I feel a bit of a sham posting on your thread because my prolapse doesn't stop me going about daily activities. It's just depressing that my body doesn't seem able to cope with what is was designed to do (childbirth).

I have my 6 week check-up with my Dr and a follow-up appointment with the hospital physio next week.

Hulla - I would be in tears too, sounds like an awful experience.

Ladies

Can I join you? I have a 1 year old DD adn since late pregnancy have had recurrent fissures and have been to see the GP who had referred me to a bum doctor (DH's words) I have an appointment in the 30th September. GP thinks I may have a rectocele BUT I have just found out I am PG with DC2 and am wondering whether to still go or to cancel and sort it out post birth?

TIA

You must bear in my though doombar - I am quite a teary person! My sister, for example, wouldn't be bothered by something like that. The procedure was painful because of my recent op I think.

Mellin I think that is one of the things which upsets me the most - I feel like my bosy let me down and at the moment I am really upset that I'll never have the birth I had in my birthplan (waterbirth). Its silly really but I can't help it.

Hi Oopsa Congratulations on your bfp! I think if it were me I'd go anyway and ask the bum-docs advice. I know my surgeon had a different view on furure pregnancies to my obstetrician. Some posters on here have had a rectocele so they'll probably be more help than me! Welcome to the thread!

Just dropping in to say hi. Even though I don't post much, I lurk and I find the fact that there is others out there with similar issues really comforting (is that warped? I wouldn't wish these problems on anyone, but am glad I'm not alone) Am sending positive vibes and supportive hugs to you all.

Have recently taken up jogging, and am hoping that one of the side benefits might be that if I carry less weight then my pelvic floor might have more of a chance! Had thought I was doing ok with strengthening it but jogging is a whole different league. Talk about leaking! Fortunately it is just wee, I make sure I go to the loo and am completely empty (wee and poo) before I go but it seems as soon as I produce some wee all the pounding along the pavements just shoogles it straight out. Must up the number of pelvic floor exercise repeats I do.

Still TTC#2. (what prompted me onto this thread is worrying about the whole thing again after a 3rd degree tear with #1) Will keep you posted if anything happens.

And buy some tena lady too GG, there's no shame! My bladder's been affected by radiotherapy as well as surgery and (normal!) pregnancy and childbirth and there are days when I just know I'll be in trouble if I break into a jog. But do keep up the pelvic floor exercise too.

I still haven't got a date, whinge, whinge. And have been playing telephone tag with the colorectal nurse. Fortunately she leaves good messages.

I am steeling myself for this afternoon's appointment with the GP for my annual smear exam. Am dreading it, TBH. Would gladly hit the booze before if I didn't have to drive there. Not that I think anything is going to hurt, but I think my body thinks it will. If that makes sense. So my heart is pounding and my hands are shaky.
And I'm going to have to talk to her about my back sphincter. It really is not ok.

Anyone have a spare hand to hold? [pathetic emoticon]

Oh after I posted yesterday I had a good sob cry about dd's birth and how I'll never get to have the waterbirth I'd planned. I'm going to call the counselling tem my GP referred me to. It can't be right being this upset. I am also finding it painful going to the toilet - I assume its down to the bulking agent and I've had pain in my fanjo.

On the bright side, I've spent the day with with dsis and little month-old nephew - so cute!!

I'll be thinking of you Jacksmama - will you let us know how you get on?

Gah. Well, that was fun... not so much. I have to say to my GP's credit, she does fabulous internals. In and out in under a minute. It's just that by the time she's done, my legs are shaking and my heart is racing and I feel horrible.

I mentioned the pain in my bits when I have my period and she prescribed Voltaren suppositories to be used as needed. I also told her about my incontinence issues and she is referring me back to the surgeon who did my reconstruction. I asked why her, rather than a colorectal specialist and my GP said her rationale was that the problem was gynecologically induced, so to speak, and that all she could do would be to refer me to her local surgeon (no thanks) and that Dr. Williams at Women's would, if she couldn't help, be able to refer me to the top specialists at Women's and UBC Hospital. Ok. I loved Dr. Williams so it's not a hardship to see her again, only that I think she won't be able to help me and will have to refer me on so that means another wait. However, the problem isn't getting worse... so that's ok... and if it magically resolves itself while I'm waiting, even better. Not that I think it will.

I got home and literally had to sit down and take an Ativan compose myself before picking up Jackbaby from my girlfriend's two doors down. And she could still tell how shaken up I was just by looking at me... I really wonder if there will ever be a time when my body won't go into trauma mode when I have to have exams like these.

Is there any more of that booze around?

Sorry, Hulla, I was so wrapped up in my own stuff that I forgot to say - it may not be "normal" to be so upset after a birth like you had, but it's really, really common. Anyone who's had a birth trauma, from what I can tell, can still fall apart when talking or thinking about it, even years on. I'm still not over it and I had plenty of counselling. There's an element of post-traumatic stress that you may never quite 100 % get over. But I can say from my experience, it does get a bit better.
((HUGS)) to you.

Well it's all me me me. I've not read anybody else's posts and I really could use one of Jacksmama's drinks.

Hospital is having trouble pinning down plastic surgeon (from another hospital) and they rang today. Was I free to see a different plastic surgeon in two week's time? Aaargh! I was expecting to have had my op by now!

And could I have op in (big) hospital in (big) neighbouring town. Bleurgh. Yeah, right, and have no fucking visitors for two weeks. Nice.

Rant over. As you were.

That sucks. No visitors for two weeks?? I'd go out of my mind.

I just wanted to say hello too. I posted a while ago but find it difficult to know what to post to stay in the chat, but I always read the thread. I wanted to say thank you as I get a lot of support from this. I love the new term bum doctor!
Things haven't really moved on for me since my first post, still doing exercises at home which don't really make any difference and also playing phone tag with colorectal nurse as missed my appointment in July (took a sickie - morning after Take That concert which was so good I couldn't bear to come down from it by having things stuck up my bum!)
At my last visit they offered me these hideous bum tampons type things that I could use with a bit of KY to stop leakage and farts, if I go back to work I might resort to them but at the moment I am sticking with denial. They also told me I do have a rectocele but mild to moderate so not bad enough to do anything about. Which is good I suppose..

But anyway thanks you lot for an amazing thread. I am aware all I do is take which is not like my RL me at all. There are some fantastic stories on here that do give me hope

Thanks Jacksmama, I am going to arrange counselling this week. I think I need it. My dh says I am not the same as I was before dd was born and I am not sure if that's just having a child or the birth trauma. He asked me last week if I still love him. How distant must I be if he doesn't even know how much I adore him? He said I never say it anymore and I shy away from cuddles.

Oh ThingOne that sounds rubbish. Can't you have it at your hospital then? I downloaded a few stand-up comedy shows from Audible.co.uk onto my MP3 player. I figured I could do with a good laugh in hospital. Obviously two weeks of Dara O'Briain is going to drive you mad but it might help?

BubbleJet I don't think if anyone minds if you just come to a thread for support. I don't give a lot either except for waffle . Do the bum tampons work? If they keep farts in I might ask about them for when I go back to work (eeek, though they do sound a bit scary!).

Thanks Hula, the waffle is very comforting! I have to confess I haven't used the bum tampons. I cried when the nurse gave them to me and they have stayed in the brown paper bag at the back of my cupboard. But in some way they do give me comfort, its easier to manage when you're at home but the idea of being in a meeting and either having to run for the loo or farting throughout it has really worried me.. Given her demonstration I do think they would work (not literal demo obv!!) I am fortunate in that I don't have any pain, just no muscle, so I'm not concerned about putting them in even tho I am sure they will feel wierd..

I went on anti-depressants a year after dd and I do think it saved my marriage. I think a lot of my depression was linked to my injuries and not telling anyone about them or the problems they were causing, I took it all out in anger against poor dh.. I took the pills for a year and then 2 months later finally told gp and got referred. Even though physically nothing has changed, I think talking about it and understanding what happened to me (not why it happened - don't think I will ever understand that but at least understanding the physical side..) has really helped.
So in a nutshell yes I think going for counselling is a really good idea - no I don't think any of us are the same after dc but the trauma you have suffered is bound to have an impact..