Oh Mellin & Doombar, congratulations on the birth of your dc and welcome - although I'm sorry you have reason to find this thread. ((((((((Hugs)))))))))
Doombar I could have written your post 7 months ago. Crying in RL, nobody understanding, pain, shock, upset mixed with the exhaustion of looking after a newborn (my first post is on the last thread under my old name LuluLulabelle).
It definately gets better. Definately keep up the pelvic floor exercises and try to rest when you can. JacksMama is a lot more knowledgeable than I am, I can only go from my own experience.
My internal and external sphincters were torn after prolonged second stage and forceps delivery led to a 3rd degree tear. However, they missed the internal sphincter tear so I have just had an op to try and fix the incontinece caused by that (I'll update later). I think it takes time to come to terms with and to get your head around whats happened to you.
You're right to insist on seeing a specialist now. My obstetrician wanted to leave me, despite knowing I had continence problems. She told me to just do pelvic floor exercises. Then they found the torn internal sphincter that all the pelvic floor exercises in the world wouldn't have healed.
I'd like to say that my sex life is back to normal but its far from it. Perhaps some of that is due to having a small baby...I suspect not really but it makes me feel a bit more "normal". I am going to have counselling before my marriage falls apart. DH and I rowed all weekend and he now sleeps on the sofa more than is necessary (to give me space he says).
When I arrived at the hospital one of the other more senior consultants came to see me after my consultant had left and was waffling about the procedure and said "I'll be supervising the operation while Mr Consultant is in the lecture theatre and don't worry, no one will see you face only your bottom and the equipment". After he left I thought about it and felt a bit worried they were filming the procedure so I asked a nurse and she confirmed that as my case was unusual they had brought a national specialist in to carry it out while my consultant had invited a lecture theatre fulll of doctors from across the north of Englad to watch the "Live Operation". I felt sick. I hadn't been asked for consent or even told about it. They had still managed to produce a nice programme for the delegates though! After telling 3 people that I didn't want to be filmed they agreed to turn the cameras off.
My op went well according to the consultant. The anaesthetist was great and considered bf when looking at my drug options. I ended up having it under GA anyway. It was expected that I'd just have a bit of a dull ache for a day or so afterwards and 5 days on I am still in a lot of pain. It's like a burning in my rectum/vagina and I am sure I can feel the lump of the bulking agent rubbing against my coccyx. I can't take the dihydracodeine they prescribed because it makes me sick and drowsy and I can't co-sleep/look after dd like that.
The procedure seems to have tightened my back passage but I no longer have any urgency so I only know I need pass stools when its coming out which is a bit too late. I hope this improves as the swelling goes down etc.
Lastly, I have requested my medical notes because I really need to know what happened, why they missed the rest of the tear and what my long term prognosis is.