Continued support for SPHINCTER INJURIES, FISTULAE and other CHILDBIRTH INJURIES - the Ragged Bits Thread

[Jacksmama]

Hi all,
old thread here.

Cyee started this thread in May 2008 after her op, and it's been a haven of support for so many of us who have injuries to our bits from childbirth. Especially with respect to sphincter injuries, fistulae and incontinence after childbirth, there seems to be such a lack of support for women, and the entire subject seems to be taboo. It's as if most MD's think that "a certain amount of damage is to be expected after birth and you just have to live with it". Well, that is simply not the case - and this attitude is unacceptable.

There are all kinds of Ragged Bits stories on this thread. Be aware that THERE IS NO "TMI" HERE - this is the one place where you can spill it all. If you read through the old thread, which is nearly full, you'll see that someone, somewhere, has probably experienced it - whatever it is! So don't be embarrassed or ashamed... we'll tell our poo stories if you'll tell yours.

And also - there are success stories here. Several of us who have been through the medical mill have been successfully "repaired" and are "fully functional", so to speak or even expecting again. In those cases, please join us for Pervwatch - the "after action" report for anyone who is once again venturing into marital relations!

Welcome everyone. We're sorry you had to find us, but we're glad you're here.

oh kentmumtj, I am so sorry to hear that

I hope you had a fabulous holiday. Let us know how your appointment goes next month.

Sorry to hear that kentmumtj.

such is life i guess

PERVWATCH

well since my repair has all fallen apart i have been able to resume normal sexual activity's ........

think dh is pleased as am i, but we are both not so pleased that the repair has well not worked. My next appointment is towards the end of sept so should be interesting to hear what they say.

Oh Kentmumj - delighted about the rumpy pumpy but it's crap about the repair not working. Hope they can both sort you out and ensure they don't replicate the sex issues again.

SLTJM (think that's wrong but haven't scrolled back to check - how lazy!). Hope the op went ok and you're soon able to feel the benefits.

My lovely fil passed away last Sunday. Very sad but delighted he is released from his illness. Had a lovely service on Saturday for him.

Hope everyone else is well. Anyone heard from Jacksmama recently? If you're lurking - hello!

Hi Cyee, how funny that you should have mentioned me - I still have this thread on my watch list and have looked a couple of times but wanted to be reasonably caught up before posting.
Kentmum - I'm so sorry that your repair fell apart. I guess that's what was causing the problems with having nooky - although I can't quite imagine the specifics of how that would happen, nonetheless it obviously did so when they redo it, I really hope it's done properly!! ((((HUGS))) and wishing you the best of luck.

Cyee, I am very sorry about your FIL. A (((HUG))) for you, as well? How is your pregancy going?

We were away on holidays in July, and then had my half-sister from Germany staying with us for a few weeks. It was a little trying at times... fun at other times, though.

Physically, I'm doing all right. Have had several periods now and have gotten more used to using tampons (and regained my old disgust of sanitary napkins). I still have that horrible belly-ache middle of the month when I ovulate, though. And nipple tenderness when DS nurses at that time. Gah. I find, strangely, that when I do have a period and stand too long, my entire crotch aches like it did after I had DS. Resting takes care of that, though.

Thanks for thinking of me!

Sorry to hear that Cyee.

Kentmumtj - good news on the pervwatch front .

cyee thinking of you and your family.

PERVWATCH
ive only done it the once so have lost my virginity all over again am tender and a bit sore but i guess thats to be expected. DH says it does feel a bit tighter. Im not sure what to think about it all being such a disaster, i dont think its as large as what it used to be from what i can see so maybe it has not all come ..... er whats the word.... undone????

ive just had a lovely weekend my brother had an engagement party on sunday and i threw a surprised 18th party for my daughter yesterday. It was fanastic and very emotional as she was so shocked, and for me as she has grwon into a wonderful daughter who im so incredibly proud of (although i may not have said that a few years ago lol)

ive booked the day off work today and am taking her out to lunch so will have another lovely day.

i seem to have much nicer days when im not working lol

jacksmama do you feel like your op has been successful?

Kentmum, yes I do. According to my surgeon, I am now "the same as any other woman who's had a vaginal birth" - really, whatever that means .
DH says things feel as they did before to him.

However - having said all that - I don't think I'll ever feel the same. I hate how my bits feel now. I still have a ring of haemorrhoids that pop out whenever I have a bowel movement. They do pop in again as soon as there's no pressure on my bottom, but the valves on those veins are totally shot, as soon as I sit on the toilet they pop out and they make me feel like I haven't completely pushed out all the poo (sorry.) And I hate how my actual vagina feels. My cervix is still much lower than it was, so if I do any exploring (which, believe me, happens rarely) it feels like this fleshy mess inside. Although I know it's all normal structures. They're just not quite where they used to be. And I can feel the scar. It feels so different from the rest of my vagina - it's rigid and completely inflexible.
It feels so messed up. Even though it all looks neat and tidy and as it should, considering.

I don't know if I'll ever feel the same again, both in my body and in my mind. I think physically I'm healed as well as I could be until much, much more time has passed. It's only been 6 1/2 months since my op. Sex doesn't hurt, most of the time I feel fine. (Except as mentioned above, when I have my period.) But in my head, I'm still expecting to hurt. I expect that it will hurt when we have sex or when I insert or pull out a tampon (that can be pretty uncomfortable). I don't want to touch my bits because the sensation is still not right. And I don't know when, if ever, I'll be fully continent again. I don't have very good bladder sensation any more - I something think I have to wee when I don't, or have just gone. It's not urgency, it's just a feeling of "oh, hmm, I think I have to wee" but only a teaspoonful comes out. I can't really tell how full my bladder is until it's really full and then I have to GOGOGO!! And if I have to have a poo but wait too long, I sometimes lose a bit if it's not completely solid. Gah. I'm 40 years old FGS - what will it be like when I'm in my 60's??

Sorry to wail, you all. I'm a bit ashamed of myself because some of you have much much more severe problems than I do. And when I started to post this I didn't realize all this was going to come pouring out. I guess it still bothers me much more than I allow myself to think about.

im wondering did they use mesh during your op as i have heard they use this sometimes and was wondering if that was making that area feel different inside, not that i actually know what mine feels like inside im far to scared to investigate mainly because i fear it will feel awful and then i wont let dh near me again.

How do you know your cervix is much lower?

As for the need to go a wee frequently or feeling like i need to go just after ive been and nothing comes out this sounds very familiar to me, something i guess ive learnt to live with for quite a number of years until the hospital told me it was a prolapse of my bladder which they want me to go for physio on before operating but im too nervous to book up as i know they insert something and i feel like a virgin who is too scared to insert things

Oh Jacksmama that doesn't sound good. Fluffy hugs.

Just looked over my moan again from this morning and I want to say that I think I made it sound much worse than it is. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think anyone is ever the same again after a 7-pound-human and a pair of salad tongs have had a full-body tour of their vagina... but I occasionally do think that because Jackbaby's birth turned into such an utterly frightening mess, my head isn't able to fully let go of things even though my bits are, on the whole, more or less healed. Having said that, it's all worlds better than it was last year at this time. I wish I'd found MN and this thread sooner.

Anyway - thanks, ThingOne, I'll take that fluffy hug. And no, no mesh was used to put Humpty back together, just cutting out of torn and scarred mass of tissue and nice neat re-stitching. I know that my cervix hangs lower than it did before because I used to be one of those people who needed three pillows under her bottom so my GP could go spelunking for my posteriorly-pointing cervix. Now, no pillows or long-handled torch needed. It's pretty much right there. However, not prolapsed. The surgeon made me hold a mirror at my last exam and gave me lessons in my own anatomy. It looks fine and works fine. It just feels weird, different, like it didn't feel before, and I think I still have trouble wrapping my head around that.

Sorry, thesecondcoming, I didn't mean to ignore your post - I have no experience to offer but I really hope this op works for your friend.

Good morning everyone,

cyee I am so sorry for your loss. I understand the feeling of being glad that your loved one is no longer suffering though and hope there is some comfort in that for you and your family.

kentmumtj my brother got engaged and we went to his party on Sunday (you're not my sister are you?)

Oh Jacksmama, I don't you sometimes feel that the stuff in your head is a bit harder to heal that the physical problems? Have you had any counselling after Jackbaby's birth?

I think I am going to have to have some counselling. I had a huge row with my mum a week ago. To cut a very long story short, she asked me if DH and were ok - she had (correctly) assumed that we were still not having sex but (incorrectly) blamed co-sleeping and breastfeeding. I told her that everytime I think about having sex I feel physically sick because I picture the tear and thought of dh (or anything!) touching that makes me want to be sick. My mum gave the following helpful advice: If I don't do it he'll start looking elsewhere, its been 7 months now so time to get over it and, my personal favourite, use it or lose it!!

I was so upset with her. DH doesn't pressure me like that so coming from my own mother was pretty awful. Especially as she was the one who spent months caring for me after dd's birth and she was at my sister's birth 2 weeks ago and actually saw the tear and said she found it quite traumatic.

I know 7 months is a long time so perhaps I do need counselling so that I can start feeling normal again (incontince aside, obviously ).

Anyway, I didn't intend to tell you any of that. What I actually came on for is to tell you that I am going in for my op today. I have had a real faff with the hospital. I was told not to bf for 48 hours after the general anaesthetic but I queried it with the infant feeding co-ordinator and she told me it was rubbish and I could feed straight away. She has spoken to my anaesthetist and he has suggested doing the procedure under epidural. So whilst I am horrified at the thought of being awake, it solves the problems about feeding after GA. I have bought myself a nice little mp4 player to listen to during the procedure (allowed, apparently).

The other problem I've had is the fact that I co-sleep with dd and she feeds often at night. The hospital want me in today for the operation tomorrow. I only found this out yesterday after querying the dates with my consultants secretary. It seems that when they told me I wouldn't need an overnight stay they meant after surgery. They have said that they will let dd stay overnight with me tonight before my op tomorrow. DH is off for the rest of the week to look after dd in the day.

So I'll let you know how it goes. Just think, this time on Friday I'll be able to say that I have silicone implants...

p.s. thesecondcoming I'm sorry I missed you out. I'm afraid I don't know anything about that procedure but you could suggest your friend join/look at this thread for support?

I haven't come across anyone else having my procedure yet but I have had lots of support and advice on here.

Hope your friend is ok, lovely of you to support her like that.

Hi all.....had op on planned day, just ! no TVT tape as hospital forgot to send me for upto date bladder funtion ....
Had both front and back repairs done and messy tear tidied up.
Consultant said he put a high stitch in as no bladder tape, not too high I hope as I have now been home for nearly a week with a catheter in situ as I couldn't wee.
By the time I had a bladder scan, I had over 1 litre stuck in there not fun.
Back in tomorrow to try without it again.....as far as the TVT tape is concerned, may have to have that at a later date !!!
Don't have laptop at the mo, so will check in later.
CYEE so sorry for your loss.
hope the rest of you are all ok .

Good luck Hulla and SJLTM - hope all goes ok for both of you.

BTW Hulla, yes I did have lots of counseling after Jackbaby's birth, and it was incredibly helpful... these seem to be just leftovers that boil to the surface occasionally. But at your mum!!!! I can't believe she said that to you!!

urgh im having a period from hell

Poor you. Me, too. It was two days late (which scared the crap out of me) and it's evil. Aside from the cramping pains, my entire crotch is just aching... it's the left-over nerve damage that my surgeon thinks I'm probably stuck with. And (sorry, I know, yuck) removing a tampon feels like I'm yanking my uterus out with it. But this one is too heavy for sanitary towels... I feel like borrowing one of Jackbaby's nappies!

Just want to mention that a horrible period and an upset tummy together are making Jacksmama very grumpy!

i seem to alwasy have an upset tummy i have IBS and when ims tressed it seems to get worse plus its so unpredictable

tampons are not going any where near me

just wondered do periods get heavy the older we get?????

Maybe we just get wimpier.

Hi,
I came across this thread while searching on Mumsnet and was wondering if any posters had experience with uterine prolapse?

I have recently given birth (4 week old DS) and suffered a prolapse in the early stages of pregnancy. My GP wasn't much help (her exact words were "I haven't seen this in anyone under 60" ) but I did get a referral to the women's health physio at my hospital.

Since giving birth it has gotten worse. Am due to see my GP and the physio again in 2 weeks, but I am so emotional and fearful about the whole episode I can bearly talk to anyone in RL about it without bursting into tears.

I know it is still early days after the birth and things might improve, but I feel as if it is getting worse every day. I am doing PF exercises like mad and know the advice is to rest and not lift anything heavy, but this is not really possible with a newborn and 2.9yo.

I guess I am loking for some support and hand holding, and hearing from others who might have been through the same thing.