Continued support for SPHINCTER INJURIES, FISTULAE and other CHILDBIRTH INJURIES - the Ragged Bits Thread

[Jacksmama]

Hi all,
old thread here.

Cyee started this thread in May 2008 after her op, and it's been a haven of support for so many of us who have injuries to our bits from childbirth. Especially with respect to sphincter injuries, fistulae and incontinence after childbirth, there seems to be such a lack of support for women, and the entire subject seems to be taboo. It's as if most MD's think that "a certain amount of damage is to be expected after birth and you just have to live with it". Well, that is simply not the case - and this attitude is unacceptable.

There are all kinds of Ragged Bits stories on this thread. Be aware that THERE IS NO "TMI" HERE - this is the one place where you can spill it all. If you read through the old thread, which is nearly full, you'll see that someone, somewhere, has probably experienced it - whatever it is! So don't be embarrassed or ashamed... we'll tell our poo stories if you'll tell yours.

And also - there are success stories here. Several of us who have been through the medical mill have been successfully "repaired" and are "fully functional", so to speak or even expecting again. In those cases, please join us for Pervwatch - the "after action" report for anyone who is once again venturing into marital relations!

Welcome everyone. We're sorry you had to find us, but we're glad you're here.

Arrrgh, and I forgot something - because I couldn't tell when my bladder was full, I went to wee on a schedule. Every 45 mins at first because I was drinking a lot of water because of nursing. It helped with preventing accidents. Then I lengthened the time in between wees.

Thanks Jacksmania :) That is all very helpful and reassuring. I think the pee schedule is a good idea! I have the starting to wee as soon as my pants are down, or before sometimes. Thankfully I can tell when I need to open my bowels but I need to get to the loo pretty quickly when I do.

I had no idea that even people who've had normal, "easy" births lose bladder sensation, if I'd been told that I might not have been so terrified when I realised what was happening. When the doctors were doing their round the next day and I mentioned it they just said "well that's normal" but didn't explain anything which made me feel like it wasn't considered a problem, I'd had a baby, what did I expect.

I've also lost feeling in part of my foot (I'm assuming from the epidural) so all in all I'm a bit of a wreck!

You're so welcome. It's all pretty scary, isn't it. I shouldn't worry about the feeling in your foot, that's very likely from the epidural. The epidural catheter stays in there for quite a while and even though it's meant to be floating among the strands of the cauda equina (part of the spinal cord where they put the epidural) it can sometimes put pressure on a strand and it can mean numbness for a while.

I also had some bowel incontinence, as you've probably read. Solid bowel movements were fine, I wouldn't have been able to hold them very long, but I could get to the toilet. Loose bowels... different story. Messy, ugly story :(

But even that eventually recovered. I still wouldn't want to be far from a loo if I had a case of raging diarrhoea, but if there's a loo within running distance (well, crabbing distance with tightly clenched bum cheeks) I'm ok.

Anyway - this isn't about me - I just want to tell you, as much as everything seems utterly crap right now, there is hope.

I just want to ask, given that your baby's father isn't around, have you got a good support network? Family, friends? People who would notice if you drifted into a not-good state of mind? PND is so much more likely after a traumatic birth :( --- you'll be aware of that as a student nurse, but we sometimes don't notice things in ourselves.

My family doesn't live close by but my mum's been staying since I went into hosp. She's just left today so i'm feeling a bit weepy and alone. I'm prone to depression anyway so I'm hoping I will be vigilant and pick up on it if my mood does start to slide.

Thank goodness you're on the mend

I'm as ok as I'm ever going to be :)

It was really tough at first so I really feel for you.
This thread can move a bit slowly at times but then at others, everyone's on all the time. PM me if you're feeling crappy, ok? Or, would you like to pop into The One-Child Tea Room? Someone's there all the time. It's my regular hangout :)
Please come visit.

Link here

It's a bunch of really lovely ladies. They, and this thread, or rather the original that the lovely cyee started, saved my sanity after I had DS :)

By the way, everyone is welcome in the Tea Room (for anyone else who might be reading this :). We're very friendly, and we have booze and handsome butlers :o

Handsome butlers, you say?

One of the many beautiful things about the Tea Room is that when you look in the mirror, you see not your own disheveled self, but rather the gorgeous actress who is going to be you in "Tea Room, The Movie" :o
And the butlers all look like your personal fantasy :o

Anyway - I well remember how :( and lonely I felt when my mum left after I had DS. My mum lives far away, too. MN was a lifesaver.

Hey ladies :) I have a worrying feeling that I am cosmically linked to this thread. I've been feeling a bit twitchy and kept meaning to check it... and here you are.

Big welcomes to you all - sorry you had to seek us out.

Oldgreymare - let us know how your fistula op went? Hope you are ok.

Bumpology - what a torrid time! My experience wasn't as protracted as yours, but I had 4 weeks off work when I had my repair op. I was mobile throughout, DD1 was 10mo then, though she was at nursery every day. I don't think (esp in the early days) that I would have been able to care for her myself at home.

Jacksmania (MWAH to you!) - thanks for your brilliant responses as always. I have nowt to add that would compare with your wisdom!

Nursesunshine, do keep an eye on yourself -what a difficult time. And I'll keep more of an eye on here.

Off for a medicinal Baileys before bed... and on a school night!

Take care all

Cheers darling!

Its been two weeks since my transperineal fistula repair and overlapping shpincteroplasty. So far I'm passing stool and wind the right way!! I'm relieved that it's fixed after 8 months of passing stool and wind through my vagina! The pain is starting to subside but there's an open wound that is going to take months to heal. I can't find words to describe my joy at being fixed. My surgeon took half my labia major to use to repair the fistula so now I'm lopsided down there but I don't mind so much since I feel so much better. I just felt so unclean before! It's been difficult to not pick my daughter up for the past 2 weeks but we cuddle in bed a lot to make up for it. Just 3 more weeks til I can pick her up.
I noticed what feels like a tube coming out of my bum a few days after surgery and asked the dr what it was at my 2 week check up. He says it's a hemmroid! I didn't have trouble with these before...it's not really painful but it's strange. He said they often occur with these types of surgery and it will go away, but is there anything to make it go away faster? It's thicker than a pencil and nearly an inch long :/ Did anyone else get this lovely side effect? There is a large open wound where my perineum used to be that I have to pack with gauze several times a day, it's also disgusting to me but at least it's all over with.

Hello

Well Im new to all of this but I need to get my story off my chest because my friends are too grossed out for me to keep forcing it upon thier ears. My son Jobe is now 4 weeks old and its been a right ordeal. After having the perfect pregnancy with no worries or morning sickness or problems at all, Jobe decided to arrive two weeks late. Thankfully of his own accord. From my waters breaking it took him 41 hours to arrive. Obviously in the medical professionals eyes all those 41 hours weren't established labour but balls to that .... it certainly felt like labour to me. He wasnt for joining me and they had to set up an inducing drip to get my contractions going but everytime they switched it on Jobes heart beat would drop drastically. So they kept having to turn it off, hence why it took so long. Anyway in the end I had to have a Ventose. I was cut right up to my bottom hole, I tore inside which made me bleed out and I lost 750ml of blood. I was a sight. I looked incredibly ill cause of all the blood I lost. It made me anaemic. My HB was 7.8. ouch.

Anyway I was in hospital for a week had a cathater in for the first 18 hours. I wet myself several times after they took it out. I eventually got home. I was home a week and then taken back into hospital because I had contracted an infection which my body had forced out and had popped all my stitches. I was gushing blood out of my wound which had left my perineum exposed. So I got to the hospital to which they had a route around which wasnt nice, They then sent me home with antibiotics and an open wound that they couldnt restitch up. I have had to move in with a friend as I cant look after my baby on my own, and Im walking like John wayne. Its a horrendous sight to look at and took me well over two weeks to look at it.... I dont know what long term damage it is gonna cause just getting through the next day is a task for me.....

has anyone experienced this before. I have only just stopped bleeding. I went to the doctors yesterday to get it checked over and they say that I am healing nicely.

Any info on this would be great.

Regards

Vicky :)

My god Vicky,it's scary isn't it?
I don't know how old you are but I was 22 when I had a similar birth to that only my son was 10lb and it involved forceps and a blood transfusion.Thank god I didn't have an infection because I should think that will add to your recovery time.I'm so sorry this has happened to you but you will get better,it's just going to take some time.I started having more energy and feeling less of an invalid at about 6 weeks.As for any long term damage,you may be fine.If not,you'll need to be refered to women's health physio firstly,I think.Mine was completely fantastic and I told her things I couldn't tell anyone else.
Congrats on your baby(love his name) and good luck.

Thanks 14K

Yeah its been really scary to be fair. Im 32 and I had no idea that child birth would be like this. No one talks about the bad bits. I wish someone would have warned me so that I could have prepared myself. Jobe was 9lb 2oz so not as big as yours. 10lb's wow thats incredible. I was offered a blood transfusion but I refused one lol. Im just starting to pick up now, thanks to the care of some great friends. I had to move into my friends house temporarily because I couldnt even lift Jobe out of the cot. Thanks for reading.... Its good to hear im not alone but sad to know that so many women go through this.

Thanks again

Love and Hugs

Vicky :)

Vicky,
I have an open wound there too, mines from surgery to fix problems from an episiotomy turned 4 th degree tear. The doctor warned me this could happen before I had the surgery so I didn't worry too much when it did. Do they have you packing it with gauze? I guess that's supposed to help it heal faster. I also have to soak in the tub 20 minutes at least 3 times a day. The hot water helps with the pain a bit. Hopefully they didn't cut through your sphincter because that can cause lots of problems. Hope you're mending well.
I'm soaking in the tub at the moment, it feels so good I would stay here all day if I could! My baby was small compared to yours, only 8 pounds. My labor was induced but everything was going great so it seems silly that this happened.

Cyee, thanks for starting this thread! Yes, my fistula is fixed! I'm so happy it's fixed I could shout. But it's hard because I can't really go around telling people how glad I am to not have this problem anymore. Just my 2 closest friends and my family know.

My husband has been wonderful. He was deployed to the Middle East for 18 months. He came home on leave last February and when he called me 2 weeks after getting there I told him we were pregnant! I was 2200 miles away from my family and so sick the whole pregnancy. My mom came to stay with me the begining of October because I was due on Halloween but I was having false labor so my obgyn thought I would have her early. My husband came home the 28th and we induced the next morning at 5am. I got an epidural and a catheter and slept until they woke me up to push at 11am. At 11:20 they had me stop to wait for the dr. Ten minutes later he arrived and they had me pushing again. I didn't hear the dr say stop pushing because both nurses holding my legs were telling me to push. My daughter literally flew out, the dr caught her by one leg. They whisked her away and he spent an hour sewing me up. It was about 5 days later that I noticed something was wrong. The doctor recognized what if was right away but said I'd need to wait awhile to get if fixed because of all the swelling. So at the end of January he said we could fix it. I did a bowel prep and went to the hospital. He spent about an hour cutting around the fistula and sewing it up in three layers. I was sent home as soon as I woke up. That repair lasted 5 days, then it was worse than before. I then went to a colo-rectal surgeon at Vanderbilt, in Nashville, TN. She said I had to let the swelling go down and the earliest she would operate would be in June. But in April I moved back home to my family in Washington state. My dad flew down to drive the uhaul and I drove the car with my nearly 6 month old daughter. She caught a virus right before we left so we had to go slower than planned. It took us 6 days to drive 2200 miles with frequent breastfeeding stops. I took my squirt bottle and wipes to clean up the leaking stool problem :/ Between my problem and my daughters illness the trip was not much fun. Once I arrived I immediate found another colo-rectal surgeon. Since my husband was getting out of active duty service we will lose our health insurance next week. So I scheduled the surgery for the week after he returned. He got a crash course in parenting and has been doing a marvelous job taking care of both of us. I wish he had time to unwind from his 18 month deployment but there just wasn't time.
So that's my story. I'm so glad to be on the recovery side of it!

Oh My goodness Oldgreymare, I certainly dont think the have cut through anything...... It would seem that people on here have had it allot worse than I and I feel quite lucky that I have got away so lightly. I am mending though very slowly. They havent had me packing it with anything, im just freely blowing in the wind lol.... Sounds like youve been through it hun..... its horrible but glad you are on the mend and have support of family around you..... good luck x

Hi ladies,
I posted a while ago but haven't had a reply yet. I've updated my other thread. If you could take a look I would really appreciate any advice you have.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/1244362-Prolapse-absolutely-devastated?msgid=26357701#26357701
Thanks very much

OldGreyMare, where in WA are you? I'm just across the border, in British Columbia, Canada. If you don't want to say here, PM me.

How is everyone? Sorry, this thread moves very slowly sometimes. I will be back for a proper read-back.

Surely, will go check out your thread.

Hi im new

I have a 4 degree tear with facel incontience in sept im havin a spincter repair with a colostomy with a 50% chance of success of muscle working my baby is 18 weeks old this was unnoticed for weeks and my stitching came out also how do u all cope.

why does nobody care or understand ???? we need help why do we need to fing it ourselver???

thanksyou

Soapy :(
I had no idea that births could go so horribly wrong before I had DS. I can't believe how ignorant I was. I thought the worst that could happen was having a C-section. Ha ha ha .

It's so hard coping at first, especially when you have no-one to talk to who understands. I had days when I thought I was losing my mind, and my injury, bad as it was, was nowhere near as bad as yours or some of the women who've posted on here.

Do you have any help? Anyone you can talk to? Please come back and vent here.
((((HUGS))))

Hi Vicky,

My tear also got infected and my stitches came out. I remember having a feel down there when I was in the shower and just being absolutely horrified at discovering this gap where my perineum once was!! Mine healed, but unfortunately I got another infection which tunneled through and created a fistula. But I think I was pretty unlucky, so try not to worry too much for now. The really, really important thing, in my opinion, is to go back to your doctor immediately if you notice any further swelling/pain down there, and demand they do a swab and put you on the correct antibiotics (probably metronidazol, because of the type of bacteria living down there).
Hope you're feeling better xx

Jackmania,
I too feel im loosing my mind also doctors nod there head and say im sure this is awful etc given no support I too was ingnorant thinking my last c section was bad wen I could not walk for 6 weeks so I did not want another as too many people are depending on me Im a carer also.

I cope alone with the baby husband is not interested and will not get up in the night she only wakens once or twice, usually I fall asleep with baby in bed which is dangerous sometimes she does not get her bottle wen I ask my husband for help he is not interested im exhausted, my head is seriously screwed up and my husband thinks this surgery will make all ok and we go back to havin sex etc bty that will not happen for years. Will I end up being locked up seriously that is how I feel.

I cannot sit, what the heck even the water in the bath moving is agony im slowly loosing my mind now im terrified to leave the house I hav nightmares. flashbacks sickness,u name it etc

Sending hugs to u all x

Meant to say I hav no help at all even the hv is not interested my head is screwed up big time

soapy,I really feel for you.
I had a horrific forcep delivery of first baby and was very traumatised at the time.I'm not saying my injuries were as bad as yours,but-I did go on to have 3 more children.
Your husband is not supporting you so you need to find help elswhere.I would start with the GP and tell them you need some councelling to deal with whats happened to you.Its not suprising you are traumatised with what you've been through.Tell them anti depressants are not enough,you need to talk about it.
Can't someone shame your DH into getting up with baby?
What about family or friends? Its not your fault you've ended up like this.
Just think positive about the repair and go for it .
wishing you well.x