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Original poster

Parent/s with Alzheimers

57 replies

sykes · 02/05/2003 09:57

Does anyone have experience of the above? Father had Alzheimers - died years ago and my mother has had it for the past five years. Find it v stressful and sad - particularly as she really wanted grandchildren but barely knows me sometimes, let alone dds. There are some great support groups that I'm aware of but not too keen to get v involved with. She's in hospital at the moment due to a fall and next move is a nursing home which is giving me nightmares. To find her last home took about 15 visits - there are some great ones but some really (in my eyes) awful ones. Having said that I have SUCH admiration for anyone who can deal with dementia etc. Just wondered if anyone had experience of this?

OP posts:

slug · 12/05/2003 10:04

Robinw, don't think your visits are unappreciated. I remember one of the old ladies I looked after had stopped speaking some for months. Her son visited her every week and she would just sit there and never acknowledge his presence. Yet one day, after he left, she turned to me and said very clearly "That was my son you know". It was the first time she had spoken in months and to my knowledge the last time she ever spoke as she died about 3 months later.

robinw · 17/05/2003 18:54

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hmb · 17/05/2003 19:01

And that makes a big difference ,doesn't it Robin? I'm not sure about the touch thing, you could be right. I think she just didn't recognise what it was.

robinw · 18/05/2003 16:20

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hmb · 18/05/2003 18:28

robinw, the things you said about them being like children struck a chord with me. While we were visiting we had to spoon her birthday cake into her. Ds is 3, so it wasn't that long ago I was doing it for him. But the great sadness is that you know that your child will grow into independence ( or at any rate a degree of independence if all goes well), just as much as you know that your parent will grow further into dependence. So very, very sad.

I used to worry about dying young. Now I think that there are worse things that can happen to someone

robinw · 26/05/2003 21:56

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bayleaf · 27/05/2003 19:32

You and me both Robin - I've had the papers for years but somehow never get round to doing anything with them...

robinw · 27/05/2003 19:36

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SoupDragon · 27/05/2003 19:39

Hugs, Robinw. I remember that sad/relieved feeling from when my dad's mum died.

Tinker · 27/05/2003 19:48

robinw - really sorry to hear this. Hope you're ok.

WideWebWitch · 27/05/2003 21:16

Oh robinw, I'm so sorry. I hope you're getting hugs from dd and dh.

tigermoth · 27/05/2003 21:17

robin, very sorry to hear about your mother. It's a shock when it happens, isn't it? Hope you have some loving family around you right now, and that your dd is taking things OK. It's an unreal time, hope you do not feel too empty. From your postings here it sounds like you've been through a lot. Take care of yourself.

ScummyMummy · 27/05/2003 21:17

Sorry to hear about your mum, Robinw. Thinking of you.

Bozza · 27/05/2003 21:48

My sympathies too Robin. Understand your mixed emotions (my grandfather had strokes and I have recognised in him what you have said about your mother) and I am thinking of you.

CAM · 27/05/2003 21:52

Sorry to hear your news Robinw, hugs and sympathy.

Twink · 27/05/2003 22:34

Robin, lots of sympathy for you, I know what you mean about the relief but it is still a difficult time too (or was for me, for selfish reasons I guess). You seem to have had a tough time lately, I hope this is a turning point for you and your family.

suedonim · 28/05/2003 04:38

Sorry to hear the sad news, Robin.

robinw · 28/05/2003 07:17

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Ghosty · 28/05/2003 07:43

Robinw ... sorry to hear about your news ... I remember that sad but relieved feeling when DH's grandmother died....
Thinking of you ... hugs {{{}}}

GRMUM · 28/05/2003 08:09

robinw sorry to hear your sad news.My condolences to you and all your family.

SueW · 28/05/2003 08:22

sorry to hear your news Robinw

jodee · 28/05/2003 08:57

Deepest sympathy, Robinw - sending hugs.

bayleaf · 28/05/2003 09:10

I can well imagine the emotion mix - I've said on many occasions to people that I feel like I've 'lost' my mum but never been able to mourn the loss - and in many ways I want to - yet it's also inappropriate as I should, and practically have to, focus on the 'mum' who's still here.
I'm sure I will be devastated when she does die - but in a way it'll be a time release mechanism for what I lost 10 years ago - not for what I'll lose when she dies.

Original poster

sykes · 28/05/2003 09:17

Massive sympathies and glad she had people around her. I've lost touch on this thread as my h has left so rather a lot to deal with. However, feeling horribly guilty that have hardly anytime to visit my mother who's still cooped up in a hostpital (broke hip) with alzheimers and have to find her a new home.

OP posts:

Marina · 28/05/2003 09:29

Very, very sorry to hear your news Robinw, but after all you have been through I am not at all surprised it was a relief for you too. I hope you can start taking good care of yourself now.

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