I. HAVE. HAD. ENOUGH. (warning, strong language used)

[TinyWhiteFeather]

of my fucking body.

Went to the docs today as I had discovered a lump, which even I suspected might be a swollen gland, but,.......

I have,
Very very iron deficient,
Extremely low blood count,
Both leading to severe anaemia,
A low grade urinary tract infection(?),
A low grade cervical infestion(?),
Abnormalities on my cervix, including 'erosion of the cervix' and possible cervicitis.
And thrush.

My toe nail dropped off (), not unusual apparently.
Bloody miracle I have achieved anything at all over last six months all considered and Doc thought I was doing well not to have spent last six months in bed.

So I have been referred as a matter of moderate urgency, (before actual toes start dropping off!!), to a lovely gynaecology specialist.

And am being blasted with iron, and anti-biotics when he can figure out exactly what to give me.

And it is not my fault and he has officially told me I am NOT going mad, even though it has started to feel like it over the last ,well feels like forever.

I will improve, but he says it will be at least SIX bloody MONTHS, Before I am back to anything like normal.

Oh fucking joy.

OK. At least I know some of what is wrong and from there we can start to put this poor little body of mine back on track.

ONE huge whinge, that my weight loss has been a huge bone of contention between H and myself and have said all along that I am not 'dieting' anymore, that I can't eat sometimes, it makes me sick and I can't swallow. And I simply don't 'feel' hungry, so I do it because I know I am supposed to, not because my body is reminding me too with hunger signals. And that stress (Lololol) triggers this.
And I was right..............
However, water under the bridge.

And everything, almost, that I have moaned or complained about for however long, chronically exhausted, insomnia, aches and pains everywhere, (toe-nails dropping off!), etc etc, could all be linked to the above so I might be able to look forward to feeling something close to normal at some point in the future.

I am attending my aunts funeral on Friday
So I am going to have a couple of days feeling monumentally sorry for myself, and then give myself a sharp kick in my rear (do join me in this), in being 'pro-active' about getting myself well.

So fuck, wanking, shitty, CRAPPY start to yet another year, and this is MY bloody year so if anything else wants to happen, get it over and done with now cos I will be kicking ass for the rest of the year.

So there.

I have eaten three chocolate biscuits in the writing of this post, but no goats were hurt.

i think you deserve ot feel sorry for yourself! hope you start to feel better soon, at least you are on the road to recovery

Yes, just need to get the 'poor little me' thoughts out of the way.
Thank-you.

Wow, I was just feeling sorry for myself on another thread (my own, "I lost it" type of thread) and then I read yours.

You win! You deserve to wallow in luxurious self pity, I will back away in awe.

Seriously, I really think you have done well to keep standing up! I hope you feel better really quickly.

Always glad when something good comes from a bad day, even if it is making someone else feel better {grin].

Darling girl. You have a wallow. For as long as you need.
And six months will pass and you will be starting to feel better in the summer, with soft sunshine to bathe your bones.
Look after yourself x
(and eat more chocolate. Lots of iron

Sweetheart, you know this is actually good news, don't you? You've been ill for a long time, and now you're going to get better. And it's going to take time, but you're not going to feel any worse for the next 6 months than you have for the last 6... and now you (and just as importantly, dh and the dcs) know that you're ill so you can all start being a bit kinder to you.

Honestly tiny, you do seem to push yourself really hard. Treat yourself the way you'd treat anyone else you know who's ill and needs some love and attention.

And thank God for the lump, or how long would you have put up with this for?

Molly is wise. Chocolate. Yes.

Oh Feather, what a lot you have going on

No wonder you are exhausted yet cannot eat or sleep.

Please be kind to yourself. Your body will heal and you are quite amazing to have made it through all that you have.

and it's fine to wallow when you feel like this - low-grade constant crap is horribly tiring & doesn't get the support/sympathy that 'bigger' things get, even though it needs it. glad to see you still have a sense of humour. i'm about to go to bed, but will just nip off to get you ...

this and this to help you feel better.
goodnight

Oh, the cake. The Cake!

Mmmmmm cake

feeling better already.

at my language last night.

God, doesn't it help so much to offload though, a problem shared is literally a problem diminished.

Nearly added last night that I am also due on!! Lol, How bad can it get?

Thanks for comments.....always appreciated.

Feather {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{xxxxxxxxx}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Just remember the iron will start to kick in very soon, and that will boost your immunity so you'll be feeling on the up before long.

If your iron was scary, scary low they would have admitted you for a transfusion, they threatened me with this the first time I was preggers - anything under about 8 and they're in trouble if they don't. So you are salvageable

Remember fruit and veg and drink plenty to prevent constipation from the tablets.

....it was 9...flippin heck

so looking forward to feeling normal

Yay, that's not desperate by any means.

Well usually most people ought to be between around 11/12 and 15. so Drs will say it's shocking if it's below 10.

Mind you if you're not pg that's quite low.
I did get down to 7.9 when I was pg and they said any lower and we will have to admit you. So I took the liquid sharpish

(you can get liquid instead of pills, doesn't constipate you too much, also something called Spatone which is natural water containing iron - works much quicker imo but most Drs never heard of it/don't trust natural stuff! They sell it in boots usually on a 3 for 2)

About a year after I had ds I had an iron level of about 8. Was given grim iron pills that gave me terrible stomach ache, but that worked. I now take floridix every day. Is nutritional liquid iron and much gentler on my stomach.

My grandmother who is 94, has dementia and lives on trifle and biscuits has an iron level of 13. It makes me think that a lot depends on periods and their heaviness - since having ds my periods have been much heavier than ever before.

I hope still to live on trifle and biscuits when I am 84 Pooka

lol at living on trifle and biscuits.

I am not pregnant!!

I think along with the other things he was concerned. Blood count low, but he had lost me by that point.

Blimey Tiny, no wonder you've been feeling so awful.

Your post shows you know what to do. Wallowing for a few days and making a plan for the future is a great idea.

I can second Floradix for your iron levels. It tastes vile, but if you drink it like a shot and follow it with an oj (it helps the body to absorb the iron) chaser it's fine. Also don't drink tea after taking an iron supplement as it inhibits the iron absorbtion.

Have you thought about how you are going to tackle the thrush? I'm sure there are loads of posts on here about cutting out yeast and refined sugar from your diet.

It's great news about being referred, but are you open to alternative treatments to run alongside any treatment you will receive from the gynae?

Knowing what you are dealing with is a great advantage, so this can still be your year

She does sometimes have a cream cake if a special occasion. That must be the source of her excellent iron levels.

Yum!

Oh, and I also meant to say, make sure your dh goes to your appointments. He needs to understand what has been going on with you.

You poor thing, amaemia on it's own makes you feel terrible, with everything ese I'd have just hid under the duvet.
Hoping you feel better soon (Choc biscuits are a great start )

Oh TWF I'm sorry you're feeling so awful. A wallow once in a while doesn't do anyone any harm you know. I've found no end of times that a rant on here can be incredibly cathartic. Swear away, if it helps.

Now, back to business... six months seems a long time now but just think in terms of the seasons, you will be feeling so much better by the summer and you'll be able to enjoy the sunshine without feeling washed out. Now that you know what the problem is you can concentrate on sorting it out.

I second Spatone as a great way of getting your iron levels up if standard iron tablets don't agree with you. You can mix it with orange juice so it's easy to take and the vit c helps absorption.

If you're taking antibiotics then they could aggravate the fungal problems... I find that taking a lactobacillus supplement every day (as high a dose as you can find) helps keep your internal flora happy. I used to suffer terribly with assorted fungal infections and since I started with the lactobacillus I haven't had one!

I'm pretty much on a biscuti and trifle diet myself atm so not sure you want any nutrition advice from me

You are doing very well you know, and you're only going to start feeling better from here on in.

Hey, Feather, just catching up.

Lots of love to you.

I hope dh etc will support you a bit more now.

I agree with all tha said by the summer you'll be feeling more "normal". And that is a good thing to look forward to.

Now go and eat chocolate

a little bit because looking at my diet it is fairly iron rich and more lacking in carbs and protein.

Good idea about supplement TF, i have used them in the past to good effect

Feel a bit 'tainted' at the moment like I wish I could shower the bad stuff away. Lolling at last nights post though!

Struggle with the 'taking it easy' bit as it is not in my nature and don't want to have to cut back on too much exercise because
a, i really really enjoy it,

b, it helps me deal with the fluctuating stress in my life and therefore control and manage my depression as I would be wary of doing anything that triggered that again.

One thing at a time though.

Thanks for siggestions and support though. Once again, you are all stars!!