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Original poster

Urgent - anyone with experience in pain management of terminally ill cancer patients - please can you advise?

125 replies

MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 26/12/2008 20:38

As I am sure most of you know, MIL (in the Middle East) is terminally ill with cancer.

Have just heard from DH who is out there with her that she has been in agony since lat night. They are doing blood tests tomorrow to ascertain the level of swelling (her feet/legs are swollen) and for the next step in pain management.

Now, I don't think this is right at all - I've read other stories of cancer and that the Mac nurses (which they don't have out there) manage to keep the patients pain free with correct dosage of morphine

She had morphine last night but apparently, it didn't have much effect. Am sure she should not be aware of her pain and they are doing something wrong

Any advice I can give would be so much appreciated. I don't want her to have another night of agony for her

OP posts:
ClausImWorthIt · 30/12/2008 13:34

No help/advice, but just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear this latest news. It's horrible to see those you love in such pain. I hope that it is sorted out as soon as possible.

NorthernLurker · 30/12/2008 13:59

Praying for her to go in peace.

Are you holding up ok?

Original poster
MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 30/12/2008 14:06

Yes was shaky at first but am now distracting myself by going on on the Flying a Palestinian flag thread! I need to keep occupied while DS naps!

Really worried though, and I don't wish to cause offence to any posters here, that the coma will last a few days or even a week - we simply cannot take any more tension..its been hell. DH said this morning that they are all so tired and she had a crap night. At least a coma means she's not suffering anymore although hard for the family to watch

OP posts:
itscoldtoday · 30/12/2008 14:20

So sorry I wasn't here to answer your question last night, and your pain comes through so clearly in your posts, I wish I could do more for you.

I'm sorry you have the weight of this on you, but telling them to increase the morphine is the right thing to do. You aren't putting her into a coma, this awful horrible illness is.

Original poster
MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 30/12/2008 14:23

Do you think, given the C.Stokes that the coma will go for a week? I'm dreading that..DH is in bits as it is

OP posts:
itscoldtoday · 30/12/2008 14:28

Put my neck on the line, but no. She has gone downhill pretty quickly since you first posted on Friday. She is obviously very strong to have made it so far, so she may hold out longer than one could imagine; but no, I really don't see it lasting a week.

Original poster
MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 30/12/2008 14:32

It feels like an age since I first posted but when I look back at these posts, its all gone downhill rather quick hasn't it?

Am very anxious..distracting myself on other threads while DS was napping but he's up now - bless him, his hair all mad - like a little new born bird...will see to him and pop back later

You have been brilliant - I'm so grateful to you! If I ever get rich, I'm hiring you as my personal physician!

OP posts:
itscoldtoday · 30/12/2008 14:43

Love 'em when they just get up all warm and dozy...

Glad to help, just somehow wish there was more I could do. It's so hard, for you all.

Helsbels4 · 30/12/2008 14:55

I've been following your thread MrsClaus as I really feel for you all and unfortunately know just what you are going through. I know that everyone is different but my mum was relatively ok and "with it" the week before she died. She then went downhill very quickly, had a very sleepy, unsettled weekend and then was put on a morphine syringe driver on the Monday. She was in a coma from then on and died on the Wednesday, so only a couple of days. As I said, everyone is different but it is truly heartbreaking waiting for the inevitable to happen. Love to you, your dh and your family

BALD · 30/12/2008 15:46

How are things Puss?

Original poster
MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 30/12/2008 16:21

Well, DH just text and said she only communicates when people try hard and only sometimes. She ca'nt talk though and her eyes are mainly closed or a bit open. Not moving legs or arms, just head.

Is this a coma? Or do cancer patients present with this in the coma stage??

Am not so sure whether he thinks an increased sleepiness is coma..I mean not everyone goes into a coma though.

Fact she can't move anything though apart from her head sounds seriously near end

OP posts:
BALD · 30/12/2008 16:36

I have no medical knowledge Puss so am unable to offer advice

Stay strong

itscoldtoday · 30/12/2008 16:41

There is something called the Glasgow Coma Scale which we use to assess a person's level of consciousness. The lowest you can score is 3, where there's no body movement (even to painful stimuli), no noises made, no eye opening. You and I would score 15 - fully conscious. There is no level at which one is defined as being in a coma - it is a scale. Because of that, we don't really tend to use 'coma' as a diagnosis. Of course, if she is completely unconscious it's not a great sign, but someone can be completely conscious and still be about to die. What I mean is, just like they shouldn't get hung up on her BP or temp, whether she is comatose or not isn't necessarily indicitive of anything. Does that make sense, I'm not sure if I've explained it properly.

Original poster
MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 30/12/2008 16:44

Oh thank you! Thank you! I was just on a website about the Glasgow scale too. I'll text DH now. Have to come off the pc as DS is getting annoyed with me and drawing all over my mums computer table!! arghh!!! I want peace to google for DH!! Kids!

OP posts:
itscoldtoday · 30/12/2008 16:50

That's what cbeebies is for, surely

ThingOne · 30/12/2008 18:15

Sorry the end is so close, Mrs Claus. Thinking of you and let's hope she can find some peace.

Original poster
MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 30/12/2008 19:47

A Dr recommending TV!!

My mum's PC is up in the bedroom and I'm deaf so I prefer to take him with me - my ears are not exactly reliable

I text DH an hour ago to see how everything was but phone was off...have a feeling its happened...or is happening iyswim

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 30/12/2008 19:51

Prayers for your mil and your dh MrsClaus - and for you as you wait for news.

stillenacht · 30/12/2008 19:52

Praying for you and your DH and MIL xxxxx

itscoldtoday · 30/12/2008 21:09

Will be thinking of you. I'm not sure that I can access MN from work, and I'm working 7.30am-6.30pm, but if I can I will keep checking in x

Original poster
MrsClausinJimmyChoos · 31/12/2008 11:56

She's just passed away

May she rest in peace and Allah accept all of her prayers -of which there were many.

RIP MIL and thanks for all the lovely food you made me

OP posts:
BALD · 31/12/2008 12:02

Oh Puss I am so sorry for your loss

Thinking of you x

Lulumama · 31/12/2008 12:05

i am sure that there is some relief in there, that she is finally resting at peace. I am so sorry for your loss though, even when the death is expected, the finality is still difficult to bear.

Helsbels4 · 31/12/2008 12:07

I am so, so sorry. Although it is painfully hard, there is a small consolation that she is no longer suffering. Hope your dh is ok too.

VaginaShmergina · 31/12/2008 12:47

Had watched from the sidelines. Am so sorry for your loss. She is no longer suffering and your DH can now retun to you and have the support he deserves for his valiant efforts with her care.

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