Think my Dad may have HIV...

[cheekymonk]

My Dad is 58 and is currently bed bound. He has had a high temp, a rash all over him, very dry lips, has no appetite,wants to sleep all the time, the runs (Sorry tmi) and has been very unwell for over a week. He was admitted to hospital but they did loads of tests and could find nothing wrong.
He has not really been getting better although he did eat something last night.
My Mum (they are separated but mum has been caring for him along with his Mum) rang for his second blood test results which have shown "abnormalities".
My Mum then told doctor about the fact that Dad had sex outside of the marriage (this was with men but she did not say this bit). He then immediately booked her for HIV test today and they are now taking further blood sample from Dad today.
I am just trying to get my head around whole situation that feels surreal. I have just spoken to my Mum and now liver problems are also being mentioned. Every time I ring it is a different diagnosis. The results of both my Mum and Dad's HIV tests will be known on Friday.
Doctor has confirmed its definitely not Cancer but to me it could be anything and I feel like Mum has made a huge leap to the absolute worst possible scenario but it seems that Doc thinks it is very likely to be some kind of STD and has mentioned Syphilis too.
Mum has not been sexually active with Dad for about 5 years but I don't know when he was seeing these guys/how many/whether it was full sex (but I know you can catch stuff through Oral too). I have this feeling that she is fine but this awful sinking feeling about my Dad. She is really angry with him and feels like her life is in the balance, understandably.
We haven't told my sister about thinking it might br HIV as she is hysterical as it is but I feel like I need to be the rock of the family but it is all so messed up. I have been in a daze today but am trying to be strong for ds (he's 3.5) as dh away with Navy.
A part of me is angry with Mum with raking it all up when it might br irrelevant but perhaps that is denial on my part. The poor woman has suffered enough and maintained a marriage of convenience for years but she just keeps saying "now you can see what I have had to put up with" like I should copletely ostracise him when in truth I am so scared that he is dying...
I just don't know what to do or think...
btw I live 3 hours from home hence all guesswork/phonecalls.

oh Cheeky I am relieved for you that your mum is not at risk anyway. You must feel rotten being so far away though. Please try and remember it is not your job to look after them though and from what you have said they are not being very mature

Please try not to worry - by the time people reach a good age they are generally aware of their own limits and know when to stop, iyswim. I doubt he will do anything daft.

Concentrate on yourself and make sure you are looking after YOU xx

(not trying to sound dismissive btw, just want you to be Ok )

Thanks welovefabio for your support.
Have just got hold of Dad and he sounds in a bit of a dream world.
He didn't have much to say/didn't want to talk about results. Was more interested where Mum was.
I do feel there is more to it then he is saying but I can't be sure as to what is going through his mind.
At least I know he is safe right now.
I'm trying to just get on with things and deal with FACTS as they come to me.
I do feel a sense of disregard from both my Mum and dad but it is a difficult time all round.

Hi Cheeky - so glad your mums results are clear and your dad is safe. Whatever your dad's results are he could just be having time out. These results are life changing and your mortality can flash before you. Also bear in mind if your dad's results did come back positive he may not want anyone to know and his dr has to respect his decision. I hope you have a less stressful weekend.

On a lighter note after you talking about kettle chips yesterday I have eaten a large bag and now feel thoroughly sick

So pleased for your mum's good results. Its a weird state of affairs when the balance of your relationship with your parents starts to tip. You are doing all you can and they seem to know you are there for both of them, so there is nothing else you can do know.

Take care of yourself, all my best wishes.

Good news about your mum cheekymonk. I hope your father is ok and you get some answers soon. xx

Well, spoke to Dad yesterday and he is much better. He is up and about but has another week off work. The results were not clear as far as I can tell but maybe in time I will find out more as he obviously isn't going to me what they said directly.
My Mum seems certain there is more to it and I'm not sure if she knows more than she is letting on. She is going back today and thinks Dad will tell her so it is a bit of a waiting game.
Sorry about my bad influence daizydoo! kettle chips are too good!
Thanks everyone for your support.