Am I an alcoholic?

[problematic]

I drink behind my husbands back and hide it from him.....

Thats a scary thought - but I do love him, what if I chose the alcohol over him????? Then I am what he said I am....

sorry hon but its not a normal response to end a marriage for your wife enjoying herself in a completely innocent manner.

Can I ask the difficult, bound to offend question - are you sure he doesn't have cause to worry that you may be out of control in relation to drinking? If you are certain you're in control then you need to stop behaving like he does have cause.

is it the alcohol tho, or the socialising with colleagues he objects too?

If you went to the pub with your friends and drank fruit juice, would he still have a problem with it?

great minds think alike janh!

I don't think its about choosing the alcohol so much as being allowed to choose full stop.

oh and is it the alcohol or the time to yourself? is alcohol a signifier that you're allowed to relax (it often is for me)?

MTS!

When I met him - he used to drink so much on weekends he slept in his car!!! Now he is married, settled aging and suddenly he is changing his lifestyle - cycles every weekend, Fishes, gardens... which is brilliant and I support him 100%, but he wants me to change with him, I am a VERY social person (no one I know would ever believe the things I can tell you guys - they think my life is sunshine and roses and I dont have a problem in the world) he does not like socialising at all (very reserved). I do need other conversation than his... He seems fine with just mine

alicatsg - he might have cause to the amount I drink. no offence taken, I could sit at home and have 3 -4 glasses of wine from say 7pm till 10pm. He sees that as too much, I dont. NB - thats not every day, just on a weekend. This is why I came to you guys - here I can be honest about how much and how often I drink.

Do you need to tell him that? That, as much as you adore him, you need your own interests and that being a gossipy girl is one of those interests which means that you need your happy time with friends like he needs his happy time with the fish?

Dont think in the beginning he would have a problem with me sitting there drinking juice - but what is the point? Juice I can drink at home. I like my wine.

problematic, if I only had one glass a couple of weekday evenings and then 3-4 glasses at the weekend, my DH would be thrilled! I drink far more than that. You really are not overdoing it.

sorry posts crossed - tbh I drink that much on the w/e and sometimes dh will say we need a few dry days (which I agree with but am bad at enforcing cos I feel I am allowed to do nothing when I have a glass of wine whereas I can find 700 things I should do when I have a cup of tea instead!)

Maybe keep a note for a week and then at least you have the facts in your mind. Maybe he just thinks its more than it is because he worries re your mum's experience. My mum was the same and every so often I think DH has a moments worry. Mind you his dad was that way inclined and I never worry about him. Never thought of that before.

I think your dh has some deep-seated issues with alcohol and isn't seeing it clearly for what it is. Possibly he may need counselling. I wonder if he has ever had any bad experiences with alcoholics in the past. It sounds like he has a morbid fear of your becoming one, it's way out of proportion to what you're actually doing.

I think your dh has some deep-seated issues with alcohol and isn't seeing it clearly for what it is. Possibly he may need counselling. I wonder if he has ever had any bad experiences with alcoholics in the past. It sounds like he has a morbid fear of your becoming one, it's way out of proportion to what you're actually doing.

Sorry for double post.

I think dh has a lot of past issues, his kids from first wife live with us cause she is a useless mother, chose the party lifestyle over him.

Another thing that bothers - 2 years ago 2 glasses would have made me tipsy, now I can take 4 - What will I be like when I am 40?

I have told dh that he must remember how he was when he was 30 (now an old man of 40)and based on that decide if I drink too much - he said I cant compare myself to a man!

sounds like thats the issue then - is there a way you can prove to him that you can be trusted to have a social life of your very own without going off the rails?

He might be petrified that you will turn into the kind of woman his ex is. This is no reflection on you at all, but his angle on things. Would it help if you tried to reassure him that you would never allow it to get to the stage when it controlled you? Sorry if you have already tried this.

He is not the "lets talk about this" type of guy when it comes to these things. It's simple - stop or lose me. Maybe I should just carry on trying to hide it from him.......

Anorack - sometimes I feel sorry for him because he has no friends, only me (since we moved to Portugal) and he is moody and jealous. Its like an illness - I love him very much so I try to ignore these qualitys and just accept him as he is, but it must be horrible living that life. I am sure he thinks i will turn into her - he thinks the world is against him sometimes.

I drink pretty much the same as you and although I don't think for a moment that I have a problem i do like to have a few alcohol free days now and again. Why don't you see if he'd go for a compromise - go alcohol free for a couple of nights at home in exchange for an evening out with your friends.

From the stuff youve said on here it really sounds as if this is just another way to control you. Marriage should be a partnership not a dictatorship.

amynixmum - he would NEVER EVER let me go out alone. We dont do those ladies nights/boys nights things. We dont go out! Although that would be a solution if we did....