My DB called me this morning to talk about my dad. At first I didn't understand what he was on about, as apart from the fact that dad's getting a divorce and drinks too much, I've kind of been out of the loop for a couple of days. Anyway things are so much worse than I'd imagined.
Apparently DSM has reached then end of her tether with their marriage after my dad has been drunk for the last two weeks and spent that time following her round, verbally abusing her. Things reached a head on Tuesday, after she visited a solicitor, when he was so abusive and out of it that she called the police. He was arrested for breach of the peace and removed from the house. She asked them about having him sectioned but apparently they won't section drunks. She asked them not to take him to my DB's house but that's where they took him.
He arrived at DB's with a dressing gown and a bottle of wine. DB took the wine off him, but said he was raging, steaming and incoherent. DB put him to bed and the next morning he woke DB up and asked for an ambulance. He was taken to hospital where he was diagnosed with a burst and bleeding ulcer.
Dad has been in there ever since. Apparently he is in full-on detox now, shaking, swearing, trying to find more alcohol and hallucinating. He was trying to discharge himself so he could go for a drink and they've had to sedate him to keep him in. DB says he's never seen anything like it.
Poor DB has a poor relationship with dad anyway, as dad was dreadful to him after our mum died (DB was 13) and he's now said he can't have dad staying with him in this state - he only has a one bed place and has enough problems of his own that he's trying to work through.
None of our family are prepared to help. They've washed their hands of dad, and none of them have ever offered DB or me any support. DB was so apologetic about talking to me (I'm 7 months pregnant and have had a tough pregnancy) but he didn't know what to do. We talked about talking to the hospital about getting dad a mental health referral and discussing where to go with social services. DB said he'd pick that up with them.
I then phone my DSM I have to say I ended up feeling so sorry for her. She's been trying to deal with this by herself for the last 8 months and she's now come to the conclusion that she needs him out of her life. She feels like she's lost her husband, her companion and her chance of a happy retirement. She said she hadn't called me as she didn't want me to get stressed about it, but she sounded a total mess. She doesn't appear to have totally washed her hands of him, but he can't go back there as she's frightened of him and the police have told her not to let him in. Anyway, she called hospital and talked them through what we think needs doing, i.e. we want them to refer him to mental health and social services, as he can't go to either her or DB's when he comes out, and she says they agreed but only after some persuasion.
I'm fucking furious with my dad. He has been a useless father and I have learned to be self-sufficient and suddenly here we are with a 60 year old toddler to deal with. DP is away - I feel lost!
Does anyone have any experience or advice that might help? Dad is currently refusing to admit he has a problem. Apparently he just 'enjoys a drink' and doesn't see anything wrong with the fact that he's destroyed his marriage, made himself unemployable (he hasn't worked since October), probably drunk driven his way round town and alientated his children (to be fair he alienated us 20 years ago when mum died and he remarried after 6 months to a woman who didn't want us around) to the point where neither of us want to see him. We really are in the dark about options or help that we might be able to get him.
If you've made it to the bottom of this thanks.