My 91 yo nana is in hospital

[KatyMac]

She has pneumonia & they are going to give her A/B's and fluids - they have put in a drip & a cathater - poor old thing

But she probably won't last much longer

She has Altzheimer's (sp?), weights less than 4 stone, hasn't eaten a meal in about 3 months, she has practically lost her swallow reflex

How much longer can this go on?

We have been discussing Nana dying for months now (since Mothers Day - when she fell with more urgency)

I think she accepts it - but will want to see her in hospital now she is back from the school trip

Thanks for the offer - are you going tomorrow - we aren't sure yet but I can be there to introduce you round if you want

No - let's do something with kids etc when you're feeling up to it (and when the weather is better). I'm even going to buy some life-jackets .

I have to do some emergency Fathers' Day shopping with the boys tomorrow - for some reason I'd thought it was the 22nd, not 15th, and haven't sorted cards or anything. Plus I have a cold and am feeling sorry for myself.

Thinking of you - and I do mean it if I can help with R or tea and sympathy at all.

Hang on in there.

How old is DD?

Thanks Hassled - will do

DD is 10 emma

Would it be so bad if she saw her Nana?

I was present for the whole day and night up until my grandad died of cancer. I was also 10 a the time and remember coping with his death very well as a result because I had the chance to say goodbye and realised that his death was a release from suffering.

Nana - has deteriorated visibly - she can't focus and weighs less that my DD does - nana won't recognise DD & DD won't recognise nana - I certainly didn't

She looks like a famine victim

I guess it depends on how your DD would react, mine couldn't have coped with it

Maybe explain to her that Nana would want her to remember her as she was when she was well. but if she is adamant that despite this she wants to see her, then I guess you need to let her do so. Sorry, this must be very hard.

I think it would destroy DD - based on my reaction to seeing her

In which case, seeing her may not be that helpful. Sounds like you are already preparing DD for the inevitable. Must be hard for you both.

Do you have any photos of your Nana around ? Could you and your DD make up a little photo album or scrap book as a way of your DD saying her goodbyes maybe ? Or getting her to record a message that you take in might be another way, or choosing a plant for you to take to hospital that could later be planted in the garden.

The first rose of the year came out the day before MIL died, by the time it came out we knew she would be gone in a few hours. We told DD that it was Nanny's way of saying goodbye and that she was at peace and put the rose in a vase. It seemed to help her a little.

She is still with us

The nurse at the hospital thought she would die on Tuesday/Wednesday last week

It is very hard

Thinking of you Katy.

Chin up.

Thanks

She died this morning

I'm really sorry to hear about the death of your nana.

Thinking of you during this very difficult time and sending my love and best wishes, take care x

They aren't dressing her to bury her - because she is too small for her clothes

They are going to put her handbag in the coffin tho' as she wouldn't be without it

And they are going to play 'We'll gather Lilacs' as they do the coffin thing as she used to play this all the time - as she had Alzheimer?s she never remembered she had just played it, so looked through the music books and found the same music over & over again

My Uncle & my dad had an argument about the funeral cars - he wanted 1 and my dad wanted 2

Anyone want a piano - it needs to be out of the home by Monday tbh or they will keep charging us for the room

Katy - sorry it took so long for your nanna to be at peace. and orry the rest of the family aren't there yet. love the idea of her handbag going with her.

& Now I am between a rock & a hard place

DH thinks that DD should come to the funeral
Mum & Dad think that children shouldn't come to the funeral

DH says if DD isn't welcome then he won't come

I think at 10 DD would be old enough to understand the general gist of what goes on at funeral and it would give her the chance to say good bye.
Do you know what their objection is? or is it an age thing?

I think culturally my parents don't expect children to be at a funeral

I think if she were a bit more mature it would help her, but where she is emotionally atm it seems a bit harsh to expect her to come

DH feels all the family should be there

I'm confused

So sorry Katymac. Not sure what to say about your DD but wanted to say how sorry I am xxxx

Sorry I keep forgetting to say thank you to everyone for their kind wishes

DD has agreed to go to the 'party' but not the funeral & is happy
DH is happy because she is involved
M&D are happy because their 'baby' won't be at the crematorium

So everyone is happy except me who is just stressed

& I still need to sort out the sodding piano

When my grandfather died my nephew was 11 and we didn't know what to do for the best with regards to the funeral either. In the end my sister explained to him what would happen then let him decide what he wanted to do. He said he didn't want to come to the service but a family friend brought him to the house afterwards and he was comfortable with that. Perhaps this is an option you could consider? but every child is different and you have to decide what is best for your daughter, take care x