Husband - General Health, shaking, fatigue, irritable. When to worry?

[NoKnit]

Hi all,

I am looking for some advice about my husband as he currently refuses to see a doctor because he is convinced doctor is going to just tell him to lose weight.

I'll try and keep it brief with the facts:

• he is overweight (won't tell me his weight but I reckon he is maybe 20kg/3 stone overweight)

• snores enormously at night (it could be sleep apnea who knows obviously losing weight would help)

• whilst sitting at dining table shakes so much that he makes the whole table shake. Is this a tremor? Doesn't seem right to me

• gets extremely irritable (he claims this is me nagging, having a go at him, pestering interfering, I do try to be patient with him)

• was told 9 years ago he has fatty liver and should reduce alcohol and lose weight (maybe he's reduced his drinking but gained weight not lost it)

• think he suffers from fatigue

• leads a sedentary lifestyle pretty much. Likes to do lots of sitting down and I'd have to nag him to go out and do something. He does cycle to work if the weather is good in days he's in the office. Say a 6km trip each way which he does maximum 3 times a week (often tries to skive it if weather is bad and use car/public transport)

• he's out of breath if he has to go up too many stairs, I'm convinced he's unfit but I'm not sure how well I can judge (I myself lead pretty active lifestyle go to gym, run 4 times a week and lots of 10ks, half marathon, marathon etc., I eat a good diet, not overweight and don't drink alcohol. )

• I'm also convinced he's depressed. He's not that happy in his job and I do try and support him where possible.

• turns 50 next year

• his diet generally ok as just eats things i cook but does have no self control when it comes to certain things, crisps, chocolates etc. We try to limit what we have in the house

He has masses of good points though and is a great Dad to our kids I cant really complain there.

But sometimes I feel like im treading on eggshells with him he gets irritable about the simplest of things sometimes. Yes perhaps sometimes I'm too patronising towards him but oh my goodness he is a man and often doesn't see things which drives me nuts. I try my best not to be too harsh on him and not to sweat the little things.

All I want is for him to be healthy and happy and I'm willing to do what I can but feel like he won't even try or work with me. He's very stubborn and has to do things his way.

Also should point out we live abroad so slight language barrier (although he can speak to a good enough degree but not as fluent as me)

Is this just getting older or should I be pushing for him to get some sort of medical check up? He thinks I'm just an extreme diet and exercise fanatic. I worry he's at risk of a stroke or all sorts.

Sorry long thread, maybe there is someone out there reading who can suggest something.

Thanks

Drugs

Is he still drinking, that could cause the tremors, has he been tested for diabetes, if hecwobt see a doctor then nothing you can do, he's an adult with a wife and family to support. It's his choice, I would stop advising him.

Look up videos for essential tremor versus Parkinson's tremor. They look quite different. I've always had a essential tremor but it is exacerbated by caffeine and I know it can get a bit worse with age. My guess is he's worried it's Parkinson's and he doesn't want to know, and that's why he doesn't want to talk about it.

He needs a full physical check up, blood tests, an ultrasound to check on his fatty liver, Alcoholics Anonymous or similar, a dietician and a psychologist.

Or if he’s in the uk, he needs a doctor.

Well yes, but there’s specific things he needs from a doctor.

I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s age 48, now 55 after 4 trips to the GP. 😬
The difference between PD & Essential Tremor is that PD is a resting tremor, which improves when you move, whereas ET is evident when you go to pick something up for example & lessens when you rest. There are up to 40 symptoms for PD, each PD person has different ones. Hope that helps - ask me anything 👍🏻

Yes I had assumed this but he's refusing to go and get help won't see doctor assumes he's fine. He thinks I'm health obsessed and over reacting but openly admits doctor will tell him to lose weight. Which in turn he insists he is doing his own way which isn't working. Honestly go around in complete circles with him

Tbh most of the things you have listed could be caused by being overweight. Both me and my husband were obese for years and were tired, no energy, irritable etc. we’ve both lost weight due to injections and it has transformed our lives. No longer breathless going upstairs, energy to do things and don’t just sit around all the time.
Also though about 10 years ago dh got very moody and I too felt I was walking on eggshells, turns out he had high blood pressure and when he got on medication his old personality came back.
Your dh definitely needs to see a doctor who can test for various things and be straight with him about his weight and it’s effects

Yes thanks. I also think pretty much all of it is because of his weight. But he won't do any sort of diet or just thinks they dont work but he never sticks to them.

I also think cutting out alcohol would help with all of it.

I'd love a solution on how to get through to him. If I go in concerned it always ends up in a row.

How much alcohol does he drink

Would he use weight loss injections?

While it may be Parkinsons, the most likely explanation is that he has the DTs from alcohol use. How much does he drink?

It sounds like knocking the drinking on the head, changing his diet and getting enough excercise so a flight of stairs doesn't leave him winded would probably solve things, but, this isn't something you can manage or control.

You're going round in circles with him, because you're telling him to do something that he doesn't want to do. He's a grown adult, he knows he is unfit and unwell and is likely going to leave this earth prematurely if he doesn't change his choices. He knows this. It's on him, all you can do is tell him you will support him if he would like to make some changes, let him make his choices and you continue to make yours.

Sleep apnea alone is a killer so he needs to get to grips with that.

He won’t be a great father to his children if he prematurely dies due him being overweight and any untreated health problem which he clearly has.

Hes being uttterly selfish as he has a duty of care towards his family.

So generally he claims he usually only drinks on a weekend. Which is mostly true. For example this weekend he has had 4 x 500ml cans of beer Friday night and Saturday night he drank a bottle of red wine. I don't think this is too bad lots of people like a drink on the weekend, I know I used to.

There have been occasions when he has gone to the shop midweek for a few cans. But this is less and less. We tend not to keep alcohol in stock at home otherwise he'd just drink more and it's better since I stopped drinking as well (I gave up just over a year ago probably wasn't a huge drinker but got fed up of sore head after 2 glasses wine so packed it in)

He probably would but assume need to be used as part of controlled diet and need to be prescribed by a doctor? I am a bit clueless about them to be fair so would have to google....

The shaking is not normal. He really needs to see a doctor unfortunately. Has he ever commented on the shaking and said why he thinks it happens?

Most of the symptoms could be lifestyle related - drink, diet, being overweight. The tremor is concerning. But if he won't see a doctor there isn't anything you can do. He's an adult, it's his choice.

They don't have to be prescribed by a Dr. Pharmacies online can prescribe them. Just Google wegovy or mounjarno.
Ideally he would want to follow a reduced calorie diet and cut out the crap but the jabs would reduce his appetite anyway so would likely impact on what he is choosing to eat.
I'd say it's worth looking into with him.

Ideally he needs to see his GP for a health screen though, because of the various concerns

If he has an undiagnosed underlying health condition, self-medicating is a really bad idea and could cause serious harm.

@NoKnit He is at high risk of developing Type 2 diabetes, so he really needs to get checked out for that. He needs full bloods done really - iron levels, HbA1c, cholesterol, liver function, vitamin deficiencies, the lot.

Thanks for all the replies.

Yes he needs to go to the GP and get full bloods done to check for the whole lot. But I'm not sure he's willing to.

We've spoken a bit this afternoon.

He says he is trying to lose weight and apparently losing at about half a kg per week. He has lost 5kg since his peak in April. So he does realise it is a problem but I don't think he's willing yet to crank it up a notch and go on a proper diet but he says he's trying to cut back. Problem is we go on holiday and then he just goes mad again ends up putting on weight.

I'll bring up the subject of injections after I've done a bit of Google. But I dont think pharmacies here can prescribe them as I said we aren't in the UK.

In all honesty, the best thing you can do is just support him but not try and fight the battle for him

Make sure family meals and activities are healthy. Do you do family walks? Or even things like crazy golf etc to stay more active than sedentary?

You could reassure him that a doctor will want o