Husband - General Health, shaking, fatigue, irritable. When to worry?

[NoKnit]

Hi all,

I am looking for some advice about my husband as he currently refuses to see a doctor because he is convinced doctor is going to just tell him to lose weight.

I'll try and keep it brief with the facts:

• he is overweight (won't tell me his weight but I reckon he is maybe 20kg/3 stone overweight)

• snores enormously at night (it could be sleep apnea who knows obviously losing weight would help)

• whilst sitting at dining table shakes so much that he makes the whole table shake. Is this a tremor? Doesn't seem right to me

• gets extremely irritable (he claims this is me nagging, having a go at him, pestering interfering, I do try to be patient with him)

• was told 9 years ago he has fatty liver and should reduce alcohol and lose weight (maybe he's reduced his drinking but gained weight not lost it)

• think he suffers from fatigue

• leads a sedentary lifestyle pretty much. Likes to do lots of sitting down and I'd have to nag him to go out and do something. He does cycle to work if the weather is good in days he's in the office. Say a 6km trip each way which he does maximum 3 times a week (often tries to skive it if weather is bad and use car/public transport)

• he's out of breath if he has to go up too many stairs, I'm convinced he's unfit but I'm not sure how well I can judge (I myself lead pretty active lifestyle go to gym, run 4 times a week and lots of 10ks, half marathon, marathon etc., I eat a good diet, not overweight and don't drink alcohol. )

• I'm also convinced he's depressed. He's not that happy in his job and I do try and support him where possible.

• turns 50 next year

• his diet generally ok as just eats things i cook but does have no self control when it comes to certain things, crisps, chocolates etc. We try to limit what we have in the house

He has masses of good points though and is a great Dad to our kids I cant really complain there.

But sometimes I feel like im treading on eggshells with him he gets irritable about the simplest of things sometimes. Yes perhaps sometimes I'm too patronising towards him but oh my goodness he is a man and often doesn't see things which drives me nuts. I try my best not to be too harsh on him and not to sweat the little things.

All I want is for him to be healthy and happy and I'm willing to do what I can but feel like he won't even try or work with me. He's very stubborn and has to do things his way.

Also should point out we live abroad so slight language barrier (although he can speak to a good enough degree but not as fluent as me)

Is this just getting older or should I be pushing for him to get some sort of medical check up? He thinks I'm just an extreme diet and exercise fanatic. I worry he's at risk of a stroke or all sorts.

Sorry long thread, maybe there is someone out there reading who can suggest something.

Thanks

He's probably very tired if he's snoring and possibly has sleep apnoea, this would make him irritable, as for the shaking that could be many things, he needs a thorough check up with Gp, but I know from my Dh that's easier said than done

This is one of the problems with men, most of them are very reluctant to seek medical help for any health problems. Hence when they have issues, they are often diagnosed late, too late.

I’m not sure there’s much you can do tbh, other than hope he has a health scare that is not too severe to do long-term damage, but is severe enough to shock him out of it.

A very simple thing he might suffer from us vitamin D deficiency (common if you are overweight as your body tries to store fat to counteract the lack of vitamin D) which is remedied by very cheap over the counter vitamin D3 supplements one dose of 1000iu a day. I take 2000 a day and my husband takes 1000iu a day as advised by NHS doctor (for last 15 years) He is 63 now.
Blood test at GP!!!

Sleep apnea also contributes to obesity. But there are many underlying reasons for it.

There is definitely something you CAN do. Absurd to let your husband get worse when this is going to impact you massively if he is very ill
How is it nagging to get a blood test?

It's not about "letting" him get worse. Yes it will impact OP massively, it sounds like it already is but how would you suggest you get an adult to go for a blood test when they refuse to do so?

You can do vitamin D tests at home. The pharmacy has lots of DIY tests now. Just a tiny pinprick usually. Or blood pressure you can do at home

I’d be very concerned. It’s salvageable now but ignoring problems like this very rarely leads to them fixing themselves.

Thanks for all the responses.

Of course I knew before I posted that I was probably right in my concerns but like others have said can't force him to the doctors.

It doesn't help that I cant really reach out to his family either. The relationship between me and them is slightly strained but I try my best. It's fine nothing wrong with them not bad people just not really communicators he speaks to them himself a handful of times a year since we live abroad. There are group chat communications etc spooradically but I feel if I came in and mentioned this issue to his parents or siblings I'd be brushed off in the same way he does with me, well apart from the weight issue which possibly does concern them too. They are very much depression is a made up illness sort of people and just prefer to live in the 'oh it's fine camp'

I've actually got a blood pressure monitor I could start logging my own (tell him it's for sport performance or something) and maybe he'll log his too.

I don't want to force him into anything just want to support him. At the end of the day the great man I married is still in there somewhere beneath all the moods and being ratty or on edge all the time.

Crunch time. Tell him you love him and that you are scared he will drop down dead one day. Tell him you don't want him to die because of his pride and reluctance to go to the doctor.

He's a dad as well as a husband - he doesn't really get to fob you all off. He must see a doctor asap. I know you want to be supportive and you're being lovely about it all, but he must see that continuing to neglect his health is just not on.

I’d be worried about his blood sugar levels, you could test those at home via a finger prick blood spot test if he’d let you. You’d need a diabetic/blood glucose monitor

I think the wight is a bit of a red herring so I wouldnt focus on that. 3 stone overweight is hefty but not enough to necessarily contribute to what you're describing

There are layers here, might be connected, might not

He's fit enough to cycle to and from work around 3 times a week, that is not insignificant. But breathless when going up stairs. Is there a vitamin deficiency here? If he is drinking too much alcohol can contribute to absorption issues of nutrients.

He is shaking, again, could be ET (I have this, its a real nuisance), could be PD, could be from alcohol misuse, could be from vitamin or mineral deficiency.

Fatigue, again, is there an alcohol problem, depression or mineral/vit deficiency. Irritability, same.

Are the symptoms related. Could he have developed diabetes, the above symptoms can be part of that too.

Why are you talking as if the OP has control over choices another adult makes

What do you mean by 'let' him get worse and that there is something she can do?

He doesn't need weight loss drugs, he needs tests to see what is going on first. I'd cut out the alcohol completely in the mean time too.
Very difficult if he refuses to see a doctor though.

By" let him get worse" I meant not bothering to buy a very simple overthe counter vitamin D test (Boots has them). You would probably buy adults milk for their tea or Lemsip for their cold and not think you are interfering - so some simple "interference" isn't such a big deal if he can't go to the GP. The poster who said you can't do ANYTHING is who I objected to not the OP