Post-surgery wobble - did I do the right thing?

[Makingpeace]

Hi

I am usually very body-positive and proud, like things natural e.g. never even dyed my hair, no fillers Botox etc. I like to take care of myself and my body, wasn't bothered at all when babies came along and my body shape changed, tiger stripes and wrinkles etc and even the odd grey hair (I'm early 40s). That's the context.

Here's the issue - I recently had surgery to repair a perinatal hernia which was causing me gip. During the surgery, it was discovered that it was actually worse than anticipated and needed a bit more action to repair than intended.

In the long run, I think it is probably for the best and I'll be able to play with my small kids without pain, risk of worsening/strangulating the hernia or getting another (hopefully). But I can't seem to get past that I've done this to my body. I've let myself be cut open (surgically, admittedly), had mesh put in and stitches to put me right. The scar will fade that's not what bothers me. The mesh won't. It's hard to word. I guess it's that I've always been proud of accepting what nature intended for me and in this case I haven't, now I have a foreign material inside me. I guess I feel hypocritical. I'm not sure. Did I make the right choice to have the surgery?

I'm just not comfortable with myself at the moment and I know I need to make my peace with it.

Anyone else found themselves feeling similar? I'm not sure how to move past it.

Have you ever used the contraceptive pill, an IUD, or contraceptive bar? Had you ever had sex using a condom? Have you used an inertial sex toy? Have you used a tampon or a peasant? Have you taken paracetamol or ibuprofen? Have you had an ear, nostril, or bellybutton pierced?

These are all foreign things you’ve had inside you.

Count yourself lucky that you’ve made it to your early 40s and haven’t needed some form of surgical intervention sooner.

You’re fortunate.

Thank you for replying.

All those things are not permanent though, and to most of them (bar 2) the answer is no.

I don't know anyone that has required surgical intervention at this age.

Plenty of people have . I know a mum friend who is a runner - the least vain person I know. She’s had the same surgery as you aged 42.

Modern medicine is not something to be ashamed of using. Why suffer when you could enjoy being a mum. Don’t feel guilty / ashamed / dissapointed in yourself and your body for a second

You didn’t have surgery to make yourself look better, you had a medical condition that needed surgery for your continued health and to be able to do things without the worry that the hernia could become strangulated and then be in a situation whereby you could be very seriously ill. Could this be post surgery blues, maybe a call to your GP is needed.

I’m younger than you and have had five surgeries for cancer and two c-sections (I had to have the c sections because of how the other surgeries affected my body).

If you’ve never had surgery the first one can be daunting after seeing scars on your body (I was 20 so even more vain!). You feel tainted in a way. But those feelings pass and I’m now at the point where none of my scars bother me.

You have only just come out of surgery. It’s still fresh. Give it time.

Peasant?! 😆

@NWL I think that's exactly what it is, feeling tainted in a way. I'm glad to hear time helps it to pass and I hope it does for me like it has for you. Thank you.

You’ve had surgery to prevent pain? What’s the issue?!
What about things like pace makers etc? You are being a bit silly imo.

The issue is hard to word, like I tried to explain. I feel like a hypocrite, I feel like I'm tainted as the PP worded it above. I feel like I need to make my peace.

Then you’re exceptionally lucky.

I’m 42 and have two major surgeries- one when I was 35 that involved the installation of a device that’ll be there for life.

I have so many friends and family who have had permanent medical intervention- a friend is only 40 and has two artificial hips, a fit and healthy colleague is having a knee replacement next month, another friend is contemplating breast surgery following a double mastectomy due to cancer.

You should try to reframe your thinking- you’ve had medical treatment and can get better.

Gah- pessary! 😂

Nobody, and I mean NOBODY should stick a peasant up their bum or bits. It’s sore, and really pisses off the peasant.

phew! thought I'd been using my peasant all wrong there for a minute!

@Makingpeace - you definitely made the right decision. You needed this surgery, for your long term health and well being.

I suspect you are being much harsher to yourself than you’d be to anyone else. If a friend had a fracture, and needed it to be plated, that would be permanent, not removeable, and I am absolutely sure you would be 100% supportive and reassuring to that friend - and you deserve the same kindness from yourself.

I'm 46 and have been told I'll likely need a pacemaker in my 50s - which is relatively young, but I have an electrical fault which has been there since birth but only discovered in the last decade. I am SO BLOODY GRATEFUL that modern medicine can do this for me and that with a quick bit of day surgery I will back to my best and not having to lie on a day bed for the rest of my life being too breathless and fatigued to enjoy my life.

I think you need to gain some perspective here. Please reframe your thinking.

My best friend from school - also 46 - nearly died two years ago due to acute adult leukaemia, she's now home from hospital but as a result of treatment is partially blind and has problems with general mobility - but she's alive and has nothing but praise for what her hospital did for her.

I really and truly do not get where you are coming from. But then I don't understand Jehovah's Witnesses refusing blood transfusions either. Does your viewpoint have a religious background to it?

I think it’s a normal thing. I had to have knee replacement surgery due to an injury, and I felt very upset afterwards that I had this weird thing now in my leg permanently. For me, it was the lack of control (there was no viable medical alternative other than to live with immense pain). I also mourned my old knee.

Probably all sounds quite odd to people who haven’t been through it, but your post makes complete sense to me. The good news is that the feeling passed as it healed, and I’m so grateful I had it done now.
Wishing you a quick recovery.

As PP has said, try to reframe this. I’m 44 and have had more surgeries than I can count. Bits added, bits repaired, bits taken away. They’ve all been for the best in the end. I can understand you feel like this has beaten you some how, but you’re probably not feeling your best atm. Give it some time.

I have an underactive thyroid and take thyroxine to replace the thyroxine that I can’t make for myself.
Sounds simple.
In practice I feel out of control. When I first developed the problem at 32 I gained 5 stone in a year without changing a thing. Eventually someone checked my thyroid levels and put me on tablets. But getting the right dose isn’t easy and can be subjective. I feel better when my thyroxine levels are higher than lower.
there is a second measure which checks how much your body is asking for more thyroxine.
At times my thyroid levels have been higher that they should be and my body was still shouting for more. The GP left me on that dose. Until I retired I failed to lose the weight.
Over the last 10 years I’ve lost weight, 40kg or 6.5 stone so it is a lot. Since your bodies need for thyroxine is dependent on your surface area, and weight is used as a proxy for surface area, my need for thyroxine has fallen.
This genuinely scares me because less thyroxine makes it harder to lose weight.
Your thyroid controls almost everything in you body: how cold you feel, how fast your hair and nails grow, your heart rate, how well your brain works, how healthy you look and feel, how much energy you have.
Too high a level can lead to feeling anxious and I know what that is like.
My thyroxine levels have just been tested and my dose has been lowered. My heart rate has fallen by about 5 beats per minute. I know my mind and body will change from this reduction, about which I was not consulted or had any choice about.
From this you can see that I do understand your concerns about the mesh.
But it isn’t going change who you are in the way that Thyroid medication can.

Of course it’s fine! I can’t wait to get a new hip!

@Arlanymor no, not religious in the slightest.

I had a midline hernia repaired with mesh about 20 years ago, and I’ve never had any problems at all.

I also have a metal hip, fillings in my teeth, hearing aids and specs. I like to think I’m well on the way to being a cyborg.

You can see why I asked of course.

I hope you do make peace with this because hundreds of years of medical advancements have been made to enable you to live a more comfortable life, which is not just for you but for the sake of your kids too.

There's nothing hypocritical in accepting help - in whatever form - for something where help is available and that goes for physical health and mental health.

I hope your view of 'medical intervention' doesn't extend as far as looking down on others who very sensibly take good advice and get the help they need - your type of procedure included.

When I get my pacemaker I have told people they need to call me BIONIC ARLANYMOR! (And do it in a booming voice!)

There are people who have replacement shoulders, knees and hips. I don't know what they are made of but they are more or less permanent "alien" bits in their bodies.

I have a Watchman device in my Left Atrium (heart). It is made from nickel titanium mesh, and it reduces significantly my chances of stroke due to Atrial Fibrillation. I have to say it sounded weird at first, but I'm so lucky to have been a candidate for it. It doesn't even ping going through airport security!

That's unfair. It's not my view. It's how I currently feel. I don't look down on anyone. I can't help how I feel. You're also implying that I haven't been sensible and taken good advice. I have. Clearly.

I was seeking support on moving forwards and making peace with it, not to be judged by it.