Post-surgery wobble - did I do the right thing?

[Makingpeace]

Hi

I am usually very body-positive and proud, like things natural e.g. never even dyed my hair, no fillers Botox etc. I like to take care of myself and my body, wasn't bothered at all when babies came along and my body shape changed, tiger stripes and wrinkles etc and even the odd grey hair (I'm early 40s). That's the context.

Here's the issue - I recently had surgery to repair a perinatal hernia which was causing me gip. During the surgery, it was discovered that it was actually worse than anticipated and needed a bit more action to repair than intended.

In the long run, I think it is probably for the best and I'll be able to play with my small kids without pain, risk of worsening/strangulating the hernia or getting another (hopefully). But I can't seem to get past that I've done this to my body. I've let myself be cut open (surgically, admittedly), had mesh put in and stitches to put me right. The scar will fade that's not what bothers me. The mesh won't. It's hard to word. I guess it's that I've always been proud of accepting what nature intended for me and in this case I haven't, now I have a foreign material inside me. I guess I feel hypocritical. I'm not sure. Did I make the right choice to have the surgery?

I'm just not comfortable with myself at the moment and I know I need to make my peace with it.

Anyone else found themselves feeling similar? I'm not sure how to move past it.

I’ve had 2 lots of brain surgery and a plate in my left thumb after it was smashed up in an accident.

Yhe way you come to terms with it is by vividly imagining the situation in 10 years time if you hadn’t had it done. You know it wouldn’t go away and would only get worse. Really put yourself in the place of future you.

OP I understand what you mean. For some people, the thought of having anything foreign in their body is just strange and uncomfortable. I see why you would be having these thoughts now because it sounds like the surgery was kind of elective, in that you made the decision to go ahead knowing that it could save your life/health in the future, but it wasn't an emergency.

The fact is though, as PPs have pointed out, this wasn't a vanity surgery like breast implants (nothing wrong with those!), it was a carefully thought out wise decision taking into account the likelihood of something going wrong with the hernia in the future. You were lucky in that the surgeon found out the extent of the hernia was worse that originally thought, and was able to fix it there and then, in a calm and controlled manner and not when it got to be an emergency.

Is there any way you could slightly reframe the experience to feel gratitude to modern surgery, and that you're in a country which practises some of the best surgery in the world? Or, can you frame it as something you did to ensure you're healthy for your children?

No, not implying anything at all. Not in the slightest. I am being very direct with my responses. Very clear, couldn't be clearer.

You can't help how you feel - but you can help what you do with those feelings.

I'm not judging, I am asking questions to understand more. I don't get how you don't get that? Haven't been horrid. Have just asked to find out more. If you didn't want questions, maybe posting wasn't the brightest idea?

You could also reframe it that you are very lucky to have had the surgery to fix your hernia and try to be thankful for it.
I've got a stoma and ,like most people with a stoma, I've got a hernia. The general rule is that the hernia around stomas won't get fixed unless it's extremely serious as the hernia is very likely to reoccur.
You totally did the right thing to have the operation.

Do you have any fillings in your teeth? That’s a very well embraced part of something foreign to the body becoming a part of it.

OP I know what you mean, it’s a weird thought at first but it will pass.

Focus on the fact that something needed to be fixed in your body and it has been. Just like the hundreds of thousands of others, the rest of us. No one is intact. No one gets out of here alive! Or unchanged. Time changes us and many of us will have surgeries.

It’s just a part of your body now. Give yourself time.