Spincter injury, fistula - support eachother?

[Cyee]

Hi everyone,

Wonderful weather we're having

I am propped up in bed post-hospital and I was wondering if anyone out there knows of, or would enjoy/benefit from, a thread or support site for people who have experienced the above (sphincter damage, fistula etc.) as a result of childbirth.

In my own experience, this whole area is a bit taboo. In fact the consultants reckon there are many women who have some symptoms related to the above, who never seek treatment. The thought of women embarrassed to discuss these matters is awful, yet that seems to be the case.

So - this (while souped up on painkillers) is a call to arms:

• Is there a site out there for women like us?
• If not, would you like there to be?
• Would a thread on MN especially for this, be useful?
• Would it be useful to share experiences with consultants/physios/hospitals/procedures?

If these matters resonate with you or anyone you know, it would be great if you could point them in this direction. I'm going to post in the 'health' and 'childbirth' sections too.

I know too well the taboo around this. I posted on MN when I got my diagnosis and used a different name...

Hope to hear from some people soon.

Cyee
(successfully repaired as of last Wednesday (fingers/legs crossed))

Drr - as a fellow angry sufferer from a third degree tear which was very poorly stitched up (and in fact, misdiagnosed as a 2nd degree tear, and a huge tear in my pelvic floor muscle was simply missed) - all of which I had repaired 6 wweks ago - I, personally, would go for the elective section if I were ever brave enough to do it again. Why risk worse damage and complete incontinence?

Hi all, feeling brave posting on here. I've been struggling to admit to anyone apart from DH that there's a problem. I haven't been to the GP yet but I know I must go very soon, things are definitely getting worse.

I think I may have a rectocele, the symptoms kentmumtj described of having a bulge in the vagina and having to manually assist bowel movements by pushing it back in is exactly what I experience daily Wind gets trapped aswell and if I push it, it is like a balloon deflating. I feel the need to do a poo often by the bulging sensation in my vagina rather than anything else IYSWIM.

I've had this for the last 3 years or so but it has been getting worse recently. I had a radical hysterectomy 3.6 years ago and things seem to have gone wrong since then.

It's so nice to read about other women experiencing similar, it's made me feel a bit emotional but I think it's given me the kick I need to go to the Docs.

Hi Pelly and welcome!! Again, we're sorry you had to find us but glad you did!
Hope we can all help you.
Let us know when you've your appointment with the GP and we will virtually hold your hand.

hi Pellyetc do go to your GP even ifs its just to put your mind to rest. Not that im gonna promote this op it did hurt but am coming out of the other side now. The GP can see the rectocele straight away if it is there they dont even need to internally exam either if its that obvious.

I think i was soooo innocnet and never thought for a single second i was so abnormal (well thats how im feeling atm) it is only through sites like this that i am realsiing i am completly normal. (Thanks to all of you)Drr Like ive previously said mine was caused by a very traumatic birth 15 years ago and was offered the repair back then which i declined as they told me i would not be able to vaginally have any more children. Imnot sure if having 2 subsequent births made it worse but dont think they would have made it better. Plus my Consultant has told me that the muscles in these areas do 'go' with age as well. Hopefully ive had it done at a good time in my life and before the menopause as i was told after the menopause the skin there is much thinner etc.

I have been given more antibitoics and for the 1st time since having the op i am able to sit down without it being really painful so im guessing it must have een the infection making it so much sorer and these antibi are begining to work Yippppeeeee

jacksmama i know this is very persoanl but it is something that fills me with dread, have you tried to have any kind of sexual activity yet? i was told not for 6 weeks which is where your at now but im thinking he meant 6 months lol

Thanks guys.

I'm on nights at the moment but I will definitely go next week. I don't know why I've put it off so long. My gp was really unsupportive when I had cervical cancer a few years back and I haven't seen the gp since unless it's for DS's.

Are some women more predisposed to this sort of thing? I only ask because I'm certain about a year after Ds2 was born (very big baby) I had problems with my womb, I was convinced I had the start of a prolapse. Gp didn't examine me but told me to do pelvic floor exercises and return if it got worse. Anyway I had all of that removed because of cancer several months later which solved that problem but now other things are going wrong.

This thread has given me the proverbial kick up the backside I need though. Although probably a kick in that area would only add to my problems

Kentmum, no, we haven't had sex yet [eeek emoticon], because my surgeon said not to until I see her for a follow-up, which is next Weds, April 1. I'm sure she'll be pleased with me because I'm feeling great, sooooo much better than before the op - but that also means that we'll probably get the go-ahead for having intercourse again... so, here we go, "losing my virginity", take 3!! (There was my very first time, then the time, four months after DS's delivery, when we had sex again - gasp, PAINFUL) and now this time... ... really hoping this won't be as bad as after Jackbaby's birth. But, in the spirit of "no TMI on this thread", I will post an after-action report when we give it a go. My poor husband. He's really been the best - but I'm sure he's very much looking forward to some kind of a normal sex life again. Me, I'm just hoping it won't hurt.

Thanks, Jacksmama. We will await your report with a keen interest. It's very scary, isn't it? For something that's meant to be fun ... You've made me laugh, anyway.

You gotta laugh, right? Because if you can't...

Here's something that might amuse you all - at one point, in order to decrease the amount of agony discomfort I was having when we tried to have sex, I mixed some xylocaine ointment with the lubricating jelly. (God, we've gone through more lube in the past year... I should have bought stock in the company!). Well, it worked pretty well for me, and DH was probably none the wiser, BUT - our method of contraception is condoms (long story - I can't tolerate hormonal birth control, spermicides give me candidiasis and DH and I are both allergic to latex, which leaves non-latex condoms as pretty much our only effective choice), and we all know what petroleum products do to condoms, right? Which is why you're not supposed to use oil or vaseline as a lubricant. Well, the base for xylocaine ointment is - you guessed it - petroleum jelly!!!! This is how addled my brain was (sleep-deprivation, maybe): I was in a complete panic that they xylocaine might have damaged the condom, and that (despite the fact that DH would probably have noticed, and I was breast-feeding almost 24/7 and no period in sight) I might have become pregnant. The idea took such hold of me poor pea-brain that I ended up bursting into tears in front of my GP and confessed my fear (because truly, the idea of doing it again had me almost paralyzed). Being the kind woman she is, she didn't whack me upside the head and call me a numpty, but rather, gently reminded me that petroleum products only damage latex condoms and that, of course, we weren't using them...

[duh emoticon]

Hi all. I'm 6 weeks this week,so gonna try "^* this weekend.

No such thing as waiting for a follow-up appt.to make sure I'm healed

Did phone gynae ward last week,left a message about my bleeding,haven't even rung me back.

My "period" has now stopped,if thats what it was,after 4 days,now got a slight discharge,or is it the last days of a period [Confused Emoticon]

Still get the odd twinge down there,and have had a slight tummy ache at times.

LOL at your latex story Jacksmama.

Gosh you brave soul Sawyer!

Thanks jacksmama. LOL

Oh my god - PMSL which looks very odd as I am supposed to be working studiously at my desk!!

Welcome thepellyandme and drr! You must think we're all mad 'uns!

Right

Ok so it maybe wasn't so magical and like you Jacksmama I was using industrial quantities of lube... but... it was FINE. My recommendation is to use lube and plenty of ...ahh... 'fooling around'.. and then go for it. I think my anxiety was the biggest obstacle, that it would hurt, that my repair would fall apart, that... well.. something else bloody awful. So the most nerve wracking part was the 'entry' after that it was actually ok. I warmed into it after a few occasions and I'd say now it's the same as it was before. My DH actually thinks that I am as.. ah... tight if not tighter than before

Have a good day and a great weekend everyone!

Thankyou for sharing your experience Cyee.

reading these last messages have made me laugh endlessly.
Im confused whether to laugh, cry, cross my legs or hummm into the wilderness. My head is shaking into my hands coz i cant think of anything worse than losing my er virginity again. Good luck Sawyer am glad im not in your shoes. Although i must ask do you feel fine down there now?

I sound petrified dont i lol. Considering its something we used to enjoy!!!!!!!

Maybe in a couple more weeks i will feel ready to be a proper wife again.

Jacksmama its ok you can relax for a little bit longer its not quite April yet lol

im still laughing and re reading the posts

Love the lube story! At least I don't need to worry about contraception.

Contraception is my one worry. I'm not ready to commit to having only one and send DH for the snip, although he would quite happily do so. For various reasons: he is an only, and really thinks he wants just the one we have, and also, he's told me he couldn't bear to see me go through all this again. Which I wouldn't be - have been guaranteed a section if we do have another. So - if I was sure, he'd get snipped tomorrow. But I'm not sure. Even though, when I contemplate getting pregnant again, and everything we had to deal with during my pregnancy (false alarm on triple test, "emergency" amnio, and some other worries) I just shudder. Right now, I simply can't face it again. I had a terrific pregnancy, physically - it was the worry that nearly did me in. And I seem to be crap at birth. ;) Plus, it's now two years later, I am two years older (and twenty years tireder, LOL), and and and... I'm turning 40 in two weeks... BUT... I am not sure. So, contraception is a must. I think, if we fell pregnant purely by accident, having taken every precaution, we would accept it as meant, and be delighted.
Sorry, I'm rambling. Don't mind me.
As you were.

IMO Jacksmama,when you have your first DC,you can't imagine loving anything or anyone as much again,so for quite a while they are all you want and need,but IME when they get to about 2,they start to get more independant,and don't want the "baby-closeness" so often,that you start to miss that little bundle that was so dependant on you.

You are right to take your time and think carefully about this.Hormones and Mother Nature's influence changes things as time goes by.

Hopefully for you,when all this traumatic Birth memories etc.become more distant memories,you might be ready.

As for age,these days everyone is having DC's later and later.I myself am Hmmm >

I have a 13 yr old,4 year old,and a 2 year old. I have had all the Amnio's etc. and all the worries.I feel very blessed for my lovely 3 DC's.

I would love to be young enough to consider a 4th too

I got sterilised during my C-Section,because I've learnt about "Mother Natures" little tricks,when my youngest gets to 2.

kentmumtj I am feeling pretty normal down there.

What did it for me is having a period (I think,see last few threads) and because i was 6 weeks and heartily sick of pads,using a Tampon.

I was very surprised that it didn't feel sore,and was so pleased not to worry about leaking etc.

After that,everything seemed to feel more "comfortable".I still get twinges,and I'm pretty sure I can feel stitches,although it could be the "repair".

Honestly,physically you do feel more and more "repaired" as time passes,but mentally,the fear is still there.But hopefully I'll be pleasantly surprised.

OUCHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Enough said.

Oh dear

Oh dear

Oh dear

[scared now]

Oh dear

I don't want to scare you Jacksmama.

If I can be "frank" here,and why not as we have no TMI here .........

I didn't get as far as "the Entry" that Cyee was talking about,but it was sore on the outside,and i havent had any Perineal Repair

I have an area that is still sore on the outside edge.On close inspection it appears like an area that was stitched and has "opened up" as if a stitch had come out,although as I say,my Repair was internal.

I really wish i had some follow-up appointment. No-one seems to want to see me,the nurse practictioner "dealt" with me over the phone,and the Gynae ward haven't returned my call

I realised I do have some Xylocaine Gel,left over from my Sons Circ. which I might use,seemed to help Cyee.

So hopefully I'll be putting smiles on here instead tomorrow.
(thats if i get any sleep/privacy as put my DD2 into a "big Girls Bed" tonight,which is a bottom bunk of DD1,so they are running riot tonight as they are so excited!!!

No, actually, the xylocaine story was mine .

I really think you should demand a follow-up appointment. Phone the gynae ward again and make a pest of yourself. It sounds very irresponsible of them to not want to see you following an op like that. for you.

Hi everyone - I have been reading some of the thread and have to admit to being a total dullard and not knowing whether I have any of the conditions you have and whether I am allowed to post here

But since there is no TMI and I am too cowardly to start my own thread, can I tell you what my problem is and see if I meet the requirements?

I had DS2 14 weeks ago, home water birth, not even painful except crowning which was like being shot in the fanjo! But I did get a small 2nd degree perineal tear (left unstitched) and a deep graze (not even sure what that is TBH) internally, high up near my clitoris and it was so painful that after 2 days I couldn't wee. And it got infected, so I was admitted to hospital and had to have a catheter for 3 weeks, and lots of anaesthetic gel.

Anyway, now I am left with a wide gaping fanjo due to the unstitched perineum, and the worst part is that one of my inner labia is literally torn in two and is horribly swollen and ragged looking And still bleeds if I wipe to vigourously.

I have a GP appointment this week as I think I need a referral. Surgery was mentioned at my 6 weeek check and I think I probably need it. It will be agony again though I am sure.

So am I on the right thread or do I need to start my own ragged fanjo support thread?

OH DEAR!! You poor thing ProvincialLady!!

I think this thread has evolved (or perhaps, devolved ) into a "damaged bits" forum... not limited to the back door, so to speak!

First, congratulations on your DS2!
Re: terminology, a graze is like a scrape. Not what I would want near my clitoris - ouch!!!
I had an episiotomy on the right, which cut through the back quarter of my inner labia, and they didn't stitch it. So my right inner labia is in two pieces - the main part and then a very small bit. I'm worried that yours is still swollen and bleeds after 14 weeks.

It does sound like you need a repair. A second-degree tear extends into muscle, and should have been stitched even though yours was small. Obviously it hasn't healed well.

I can tell you that my repair was nowhere near as bad as the recovery after having Jackbaby. Of course surgery is never nice, but it's done under controlled circumstances, whereas tearing during birth cannot be controlled, if you know what I mean. Sure, I hurt after, but it was easily enough controlled with painkillers. And I'm now 7 weeks post-op, and have no pain whatsoever (which is an enormous thrill, I can tell you - the last time my bits didn't hurt was Feb 11, 2007).