Handhold please- tired of feeling so poorly

[Poorlyandsad]

TW: some fairly graphic health issues/procedures described

Hi all,

I want to start by saying I know many people have a much worse situation than me. But I just feel so poorly and I have two small children and not enough help. NC given outing medical and personal info.

I had umbilical hernia repair surgery on Valentine's Day. Since then I've been feeling feverish, nauseous, having night sweats, feeling faint, struggling to eat, and completely wiped out. My DH is due to be going away for a few weeks for work on Thurs leaving me home alone with our two DC (1 and 3). Already not a great situation but manageable assuming the surgery went OK.

Went to see the nurse who checked my wound (evidently not very well sadly), said it wasn't infected, and i probably had a UTI so given some antibiotics for that. Took my dressing off the next day and it was pouring pus and very red and angry. Went to the out of hours GP on Saturday who checked the wound and said cellulitis, doesn't look great but borderline for IV antibiotics. Sent home with some oral antibiotics and a marker line around redness. Woke up this morning to significantly more pain, redness, and swelling. Rang 111 who fiddled about with me putting me through various teams over a few hours until I got sent to the hospital surgical assessment unit.

By now so nauseous I haven't been able to eat, drink much or take my painkillers so in agony. I get there and have to sit in a chair for a few hours (to be fair much less time and much better situation than many face)but was just in so much pain and feeling so poorly it was awful, and being surrounded by incredibly poorly people that clearly should have been admitted was just awful. No one was allowed to eat in case they required imminent surgery.

The junior doctor saw me and said looks like very bad case of cellulitis, 48h of IV antibiotics. Shuffled back to my chair then called in by the consultant a few mins later who checked my wound and immediately said - it's an abcess and we are going to have to surgically drain it. Immediately went and got all the stuff, gave me local anesthetic, and drained it. I will spare you the horror of the details (I am not squeamish but genuinely it was horrifying) but they told me during the process there was a lot of necrotic tissue there and it was lucky I came in when I did as it was very serious. He then told me it was a very bad abcess and should have been sorted out under general anaesthetic but he wanted to spare me the risks of that and get it dealt with swiftly. Then he said - no IV antibiotics, you can take the ones the OOH GP gave you, off you go. Just go to the GP every day for the next week to get them to check your wound. Now back at home and have bloody pus pouring out of the dressing which isnt properly sealed (maybe deliberately?). I've just had enough, the carpet is now covered in bloody pus whivh is running down my legs.

My DH is trying his best to support me but is having to work very long hours ahead of going away and thus makes me feel guilty (not deliberately) at every stage and isn't able to help. I just feel like absolute shit still, in pain and feverish, and the idea of potentially being in sole charge of our two DC in a few days time is horrifying. I'm just so tired of all this and just want to be better.

Ahhhhhhhhh.

If there's any one on here who knows about what I should do about bloody pus escaping, should i try to put on a new dressing and seal it, do let me know. I can't face ringing 111 again.

Thanks for bearing with my rant that doesn't even include all of the dramas and other ailments but is still a novel!

Also the idea of having to go to the GP every day for a week with someone having to take me as I can't drive, my baby not being able to co sleep with me as normal, and not being able to play with my kids or be with them properly is just making me feel so guilty and sad.

That's appalling. I assume someone has mentioned the very real possibility of sepsis? I'd there any way you can get to the ED now?

Oh that sounds like a lot to deal with op. Can someone come stay with you and the children while dh is away?

You clearly need to go back to hospital

And your husband equally as clearly cannot go away for work. How can he possibly? So unless you have a parent who can move in and take over, there's just no choice here

Go to A&E tonight - Your partner needs to take leave or talk to work about options. But tonight go and get seen.

My poor love! 🥰 It sounds awful. I don’t know about the medical stuff but can your DH take carer’s leave or do either of you have family who might come for a week or two to look after your children. You are in no fit state to look after them.

You need:
A grandparent or emergency nanny.
You also need to call 111.
I would also venture that if you have spare pounds or health insurance that you get a second opinion.
Your DH may have to cancel his trip.

Ring 111
You need another person to care for the children
He may have to cancel his work trip
Please don’t feel guilty

You can't be left like that, it's that simple. If there's no one to take care of the kids your husband will have to stay.

I would also be going to the walk in centre as a minimum, if not a&e.

Good luck that sounds grim on all fronts.

What everyone else said. Get back to hospital (or at least ring 111) and your husband may have to cancel his work trip unless you have someone else who can drop everything and come and look after you full time. Hope you feel better soon op.

You may need to give the antibiotics a chance to work as when I had Similar they told me it has to heal from the inside out (that took a year and a half)

My best practical advice would be to ask your surgery if district nurse can come to you for daily wound check and dressing. They did this with me for first couple of weeks until I was more mobile.

Thanks all, so kind of you to comment and read my nonsense.

Re sepsis - they said draining the abcess should fix that risk now which was a worry before. Now apparently I'm fine 🤔

Re DH unfortunately he is freelance in a struggling sector so we need him to go as we really need the money as he may not get any more for quite some time. He's going to investigate tomorrow whether he can get them to adjust timings by a short interval (probably max a week) but will depend on the insurance his 'employer' has in place.

We are trying to get GPs involved but my parents are in ill health and not close (2-4h drive away) and his are due to be travelling a lot for the next month, so it's tricky.

Re hospital it is a very long drive away and in seriously dire straits as with many, I don't think I could survive another long wait and them just send me home again. Though I've just realised I have their number - I can ring them and ask advice! Will do that now.

OP you mention necrosis! Please don’t minimise this! Google necrotising fasciitis! My mum almost died because of this after a routine hysterectomy! The surgeon pierced her bowel! Absolutely do not take any risks at all!

Ringing the hospital is an excellent idea. If you can get a district nurse out that would be a good move too. The hospital may have a way to refer this to the district nurses so ask them.

I am so sorry this sounds terrible- hope she's OK now.

Do stop terrifying the OP by telling her she won’t make it through the night. Sepsis bingo might be funny for you, but it’s not the right moment.

OP, I had this - it’s easy for docs, even good ones, to miss. You must be feeling ghastly.

If the wound is still draining, that’s really good medically. It’s disgusting and hard to contain so get kitchen roll and a carrier bag (for the bits) to mop the worst up.

Have a hot bath and wait for the further explosion afterwards - also good. Two pairs of pyjamas tO catch pus. Go to bed.

DH looks after the kids, no question. You should start to feel better in 3 days - keep a constant eye on yourself. Eat and drink a lot.

💐

Hmmm, not sure what to make of that. They are clearly rushed off their feet. The guy (no idea who he was) said don't worry about it. I said - even if it's very bloody or lots of it? He said if there's lots of it and the dressing gets wet change it. I told him I can't because they didn't give me any dressings as they said I needed to go to the GP on Tues to do it. He said 'don't you have a bandage or anything in the house?'. When I said no he just said - go to the GP tomorrow. Then said bye and hung up. The 30 second conversation was also interrupted by him giving someone else an instruction.

I've had 2h sleep in the last two nights due to fever which I am hoping has now gone. I am just too tired for this shit. I don't feel as poorly as I did so will try to sleep and set an alarm for myself in a couple of hours to check wound (DH sleeping in with DC). Gah.

You really must ring and get this checked as it can be incredibly serious. I don’t want to alarm you as I hope it is all healing and nothing to worry about but sepsis and similar can be deadly. Although your DH needs the money, surely he needs his wife more and for the kids to have a mum. Even if things are healing ok, you cannot be left to look after two small children in a matter of days.

Why would your in-laws not cancel or postpone their travel plans to help? Again, surely if they knew how serious this was, they would want to help their son and you. If they want him to be able to work and support his family at this time, I can’t believe they wouldn’t drop everything to help. Have you actually asked and are they aware of how serious it has all been and how poorly you continue to be? Please don’t downplay this to your DH or family.

Please don’t allow yourself to feel guilty either with your DH. You didn’t ask to be ill and to be expected to cope with two children whilst being really sick is wrong. Does your DH not worry that if you became sick whilst he was away that you’d have to get Social Services to arrange foster care for the kids? God forbid you became too sick to call an ambulance and your children had to witness this or worse, it could leave them neglected and at risk.

Please put yourself first and think how you’d be advising a friend who was faced with all this.

Seconding the in-laws - abscesses take a couple of weeks before they start healing.

Stick a sanitary pad over it with sellotape.

Sounds like @Supersimkin7 knows what she's talking about. Hope you feel better soon op.

I am so sorry you are going through this, it sounds horrendous. I hope you start to improve in the next few days.

please tell your I laws how bad it is and ask them to change their travel plans - you absolutely cannot be expected to care for two small children alone while you are unwell! And you are very unwell !

Take care of yourself now, so you can carry on taking care of your children in future (not trying to be ominous, just you mustn’t always try to ‘push through’ by yourself ).

@supersimkin7 thanks that sounds like super useful advice- I'm not allowed the bath as they cut it all open and cut the necrotic tissue away but the rest sounds good.

@Namechanged4obviousreasons re grandparents they are challenging. Happy to help but they have another family member they can't/won't say no to - sorry for being very vague but it's all outing. They are aware of the details as had to have the kids earlier so DH could do hospital run with me as I can't drive myself. Flexibility is a problem sadly.

@Poorlyandsad right.... firstly do not google necrotising facitius. It's a rare illness and they would have said that if that's what they thought. You have to multiple surgeries called a debridment and it's rare. I spend months in hospital with it.

Send DP to good chemist or pop in to see nurse practitioner for extra wound care/ bandages etc. The surgery can refer you to district nurse.

Take antibiotics and flush through. Keep an eye on discharge, redness, any change in symptoms.

I do second though that practical help is going to be needed whilst your husband is away.

Good God OP, that sounds horrific.

I don’t know where in the country you are but if you would accept help from a stranger I know I’d definitely do whatever you needed- shopping, lifts, washing, a hand hold over a cuppa, cake delivery- i’m sure lots of us would.

Dressings are a bugger because they’re not usually big enough and they don’t stay on but you want the ‘silver’ mepore if they do. Get some baby wipes too.

If DH shows the pharmacist a pic of wound, she can produce the right kit.

DH also to get GP apt for weds by which time you ought to be on the mend, albeit still very very wobbly. Insist on it and tell them the nurse screwed up - they need to know.

Take iron and vit C. Keep all the wound kit in one bowl and wash your hands before and after fiddling with wound. Yes, I know exactly how annoying that is but it helps. Try not to fiddle with wound. Don’t let the DC near it, or, frankly, very near you at the mo.

Bath as hot as you can face twice daily. (Don’t faint.) You need to rest and heal and rest some more.

I had to have a month off work which was exasperating but looking back every day was essential to recovery. Abscesses are a beast.