MIL kissed baby on the head with a coldsore

[coldsoreworry]

My baby is 11 weeks old. We’ve seen MIL for the past couple of days and she’s been kissing him on the head. Today I passed the baby to her before realising that she’s now developed an active coldsore on her lip.

She kissed the baby’s forehead with the other side of her mouth to where the coldsore is, if that makes sense. And nowhere near his eyes/mouth/nose/any broken skin that I know of.

How worried should i be? I know how dangerous the virus can be to small babies, and if he got it, at the very least he’d have it for life, wouldn’t he?

DH and his siblings don’t get coldsores, so MIL must know not to kiss babies when you have a coldsore?

Please reassure an anxious FTM that the baby will be ok?

I’m sure your baby will be absolutely fine but she needs telling not to do it again. It’s really selfish on her part. I hope you’re okay x

Thank you @ThankYouStavros I’m really worried for the baby and slightly shocked that she isn’t taking any precautions about not kissing him.

I’d rather other people didn’t kiss him other than me and his dad, but that’s probably quite PFB. I understand that he’s adorable and she loves him, but surely his health and not catching a potentially very dangerous virus comes above that.

i know I’m going to have to mention it and I hate speaking up, but I know I have to for his safety and wellbeing.

I get cold sores and I still remember my little ones not understanding why I wouldn't kiss them sometimes. I would haven devastated if I'd passed it in. Being kissed as a baby is how I got it.

You tell her to more more responsible or else she will have to be inspected at the door each visit.

I would be livid. One of my friends - who had flown to the U.K. to visit family - changed her plans to see her mother when she revealed she had a cold sore. Her baby was 4 months. Her retired paediatrician dad told her to stay in a hotel until it was gone, which she did. I say this not to scare you but to make you realise what a dick your MIL has been. Your baby will likely be fine but if you’re really worried ask any medics you know for some reassurance? NHS website has guidance for what to look out for in case the baby needs antivirals: www.nhs.uk/conditions/neonatal-herpes/

I wouldn't worry, the side of the forehead is very different to kissing lips, eyes etc.

FWIW my dd had a couple of small cold sores as a toddler, they never came back.

I had this recurring scenario with a friend during DC1's first year. She was breaking out fairly regularly and didn't seem to think it was anything to worry about. We even argued about it as she felt I'd 'herpes-shamed' her by asking her not to kiss my very sticky, slobbery, rubbing-hands-all-over-her-face baby anywhere. I'd really tried to be kind, but her impulse to kiss a baby seemed to trump my DC's need to not be exposed to a serious viral infection.

I have two friends who get cold sores and both seemed to really trivialise it as nothing. When we go out they would be offended that I didn't want to try their drinks. I remember one of them being annoyed because she had passed the virus onto her son and her ex was unhappy about it.

They also both think that they didn't catch cold sores off someone (despite them both having parents who get them) but they just developed them when ill.

They are both in highly professional jobs.

Thank you all for your responses. DS seems his normal happy self this morning and is feeding well so both seem to be reassuring signs.

SIL is a nurse and is going to have a word with MIL about not kissing the baby when she has a coldsore. Like a PP said, I would be devastated if my tiny baby got ill with something so serious and entirely preventable 😣 I’ll keep an eye on his temperature etc. Does anyone know how long it would take for him to get ill, if he was going to?

Im not sure how long they would take to appear, but if any do I would take to the hospital rather than GP. My baby at the same age had to be put straight on IV treatment and was in for about 4 days. Had a couple more milder outbreaks as a toddler, which was treated by the GP and hasn't had any more for years.

I get cold sores.
Well I say get I’ve had 2 in my life, when I was 15 and 17.
I’d never kissed a boy at that age so must have got them from a family member as a baby or toddler.
Interestingly it is only my aunt who suffers from them, and none of my siblings or cousins do despite them also being kissed by her so perhaps they are not as contagious as we think.
That said I wouldn’t kiss anyone if I had an active one and wouldn’t have been happy if anyone else did to my children.

Honestly, I'd be fuming. I'd have to say something to my MIL and she certainly wouldn't be holding the baby again until it's gone. It can potentially be extremely serious for babies, and that baby has nobody but you and your DH to look out for him, so you have need to put any awkward feelings aside and make it very clear with your MIL that she isn't to kiss him

Could this be one above his lip? Or just baby acne? He does get spotty skin from time to time.

Feeling sick with worry, to be honest.

I'd be worried about my MIL who would likely be off to A&E if she did this to my child. I wouldn't ever let her lay hands (or mouth) on my child again. Take him to get the spot checked out OP.

I really really doubt it's a cold sore, they tend to present red and sore on the face and it would be stunning rare for it to pop up as quickly as that.

First outbreak of the cold sore virus is usually mouth ulcers not cold sores so that is not likely to be a cold sore. Look out for painful ulcers

I get cold sores, had no issues kissing my own babies as they were protected but wouldn't kiss anyone else's babies. I kind of hope my daughter does get them as then any children she has will be protected as babies but so far neither of them has them.

That's just a little normal baby spot. Try not to worry OP. I really doubt your baby will have caught it from a kiss on the forehead if there was no broken skin.
But if it were me personally I would say that MIL is not allowed to kiss the baby again. Regardless of whether she is presenting with a cold sore at that point in time or not.

My baby also had quite severe eczema at the time, so I'm guessing that's why he was more likely to have caught it.

Thanks all. I phoned 111 and they don’t seem concerned but have arranged a call with our doctor this morning. I’m erring on the side that it’s just a baby spot too, but think I’m just worked up by the situation and how serious it could be. I’m so upset that my MIL would kiss the baby with an active coldsore. Is there any way she could not know how contagious they are? I really want to give the benefit of the doubt

I don't mean to be rude but she's got to be pretty effing ignorant not to know!!

I’ve checked with the GP via e-consult and she isn’t worried, which is a relief

Thank you all for your posts x

My MIL did this to my son who was 9 months. He ended up in hospital for three days with herpes simplex. Did she care no. Had to cheek to say nobody should be kissing my son. She completely denied she was the the one who had the coldsore and kissed him. Horrible, horrible gaslighting woman and one of the many reasons we are no contact.

That’s reassuring. Did the GP give you a timeframe for when you know you’ll be out of the woods? That will be a weight off and hopefully won’t be too long.

Oh my god. Unforgivable.

DP get them and takes it really seriously, so our 4 yr old hasn't had them. He knows when one is coming before it comes through. The first sign of a tingle and he's applying cream, avoiding contact etc. He won't brush our son's teeth then either or do toileting care until it's done (I take care of that fully then).

He sleeps separately anyway as a bad snorer. And in this time won't let DS climb in his bed. He won't let him touch his face. He's still around, still parenting, but there's a variety of changes that go into place when one crops up.

He determined not to pass it on to either of us. We've been together 9 years and I don't get them either.