Anxiety is taking over my life

[alltiedup]

I feel anxious all the time.
My life is ruled by anxiety.

The only time I feel slightly more relaxed is weekends when I know I don't have to go out if I don't have to.

I get wound up just taking the children to school and get home and spend the next 6 hours anxious knowing I have to go out again.
So will just drink water and feel sick so can't eat aanything.

Will then get home from collecting the children and feel like eating then.

If I have to be somewhere the next day an appointment etc I will not eat the night before.

Weekends is the only time I feel relaxed about eating what I like.

Family celebrations fill me with dread and fake illness to get out of them most of the time.

I worry days/weeks before something I know I have to attend .

It is no life at all and try to hide it from the children and DH.

Have to take DD to a party tomorrow as DH has taken her to the last 3
and refused to take her to ths one.
I have been dreading it all week and just hope I cope with it.

Hi Alltiedup
reading your post it sounds like it isn't anxiety that is stopping you living your life - it's anticipating.
What may happen, rather than what is happening.

What do you feel is going to happen when you go out?

I've been where you are now. I totally ruled and ruined that part of my life but I was completely cured. There is future for you away from all this crap - honestly.

I know how you feel, it's awful

Have you thought of going to see your Dr? I know its not the answer for everyone but AD's have really helped me.

It seems such a silly thing (a childrens party, the school gate) to get worked up over but it is awful when you feel unable to do it

Hi,thanks for your replys.

I think it is the what may happen that scares me.
I like to be in control and have to plan everything and know how I can get home quickly if I need to.

I worry I will feel sick or have a stomach upset and will embarass myself in front of people.

I never use public transport and could'nt contemplate ethier.

I have'nt been to my doctor and not sure I could take ads .
Most ads have a lot of side effects and silly as this seems would add to my worries.

I got through this without ADs so if you don't want to go down that route you don't have to.

Have a look at this link on CBT at the bottom there are links to online courses you can do on your own so that nobody need know at all if that is how you want to do things. CBT is a fantastic and effective treatment for anxiety of this sort - it is also a treatment for depression and other mental health problems but it works really well for your type of anxiety.

Good luck with the party tomorrow. Question your thinking - for a random example if you feel you will be ill while you are out ask yourself why you think that will happen. How many times have you been outside before? How many times have you been ill while out? Therefore how likely is it you'll feel ill this time?

I've been like this for around 5 years so can totally sympathise. I kept it from people and just kept making excuses for not going to social events and found it difficult to do simple tasks like taking ds to school etc.. some days were better than others but it was ridiculous especially as I was the most confident person in my group of friends.

I always thought that agoraphobia meant you never left the house but the feelings you have are agrophobic and a good doctor should be able to help you. I have taken cipralex for 4 years now and was referred for CBT (I never went because I was too paniky )

It's very hard to explain the problem and the way you feel to others because you don't understand it yourself!! You know that the feelings are ridiculous but that doesn't stop them happening .

Try googling forums on agoraphobia and reading peoples stories - I bet you will find a lot of people experiencing the same problems as you. I would recommend trying to get out each day and definitely go to your doctor now that this is affecting everyday life.

Sorry for the long post

X post - you have exactly what I had. Couldn't use public transport either - how can you get off if you feel ill or started to freak out???? WHy this worried me so much I have no idea but it was VERY real at the time.

Thanks Bigbadmouse will take a look at the link.

I know it is silly and try to tell myself that everything will be fine then I think I have been lucky so far it's bound to happen soon.

I envy people who can just go out at a moments notice and not give it a second thought.

Will put a brave face on for DD tomorrow and take lots of deep breaths.

She is going to a soft play area so may take along a newspaper to read or a crossword to do to keep my mind occupied.

I suffer very similar anxieties and could have written your post

Off to bed just now but will read this thread through properly in the morning.

Best wishes for the party tomorrow x

If things start to go downhill try a quick distraction technique - just concentrate on one involving task. Crosword / Paper is good help but also try coutning all the red balls in a small area of the ball pit for example - the number of squares in a scramble rope etc. It sounds silly but it can help when all else fails.

I have all my old CBT notes which I would willingly post to you if you wanted. Once you understand the mechanism that makes you feel the way you are now you can start to control it.

Have a look in the library for self help books - there are loads out there (lots of fellow sufferers you see )

bubblerock-it is hard keping it from people and although I know DH knows i have issues we never really talk about it and I just say I am not feeling well when he asks me to go somewhere.

Will take a look at the agoraphobia sites .
Like you I was quite confident.
Before the children I mangered 20 staff and conducted interviews etc.

My honeymoon was spent travelled over 2,000 miles around America.

What happened I don't know.

I guess for me a combination of losing my mother,father and brother in a few years of each other.
Having PND with my first child.

Oh yes, with the deep breaths - another good technique is to make very sure you breathe out fully.

If you feel panicky and that your breathing is affected, concentrate on breathing out. Breathing in pretty much takes care of itself but most people suffer with panic attacks due to not breathing out enough. You concentrate on breathing in so much that you forget to breathe out then on your next in-breathe you cannot breathe in (because you haven't emptied your lungs properly) so you panic. If you feel you can't breathe in, slow your breathing down and concentrate on the out breathes - in through nose, out through the mouth. hope that makes sense.

Practising proper breathing techniques helps too. Put on hand on your chest and another on your stomach. The one on your stomach should rise more than the one on your chest if you are breathing properly. You can practice this at any time without anyone noticing you know (despite you thinking you may as well have a large sign saying 'total loony' hung round your neck)

Thanks Bianca,I really should go up to bed as well,putting it off as I know I will lie there worrying.

Thanks bigbadmouse,will try that.

I could have a look in our local library as you suggested and if you would'nt mind sending me any notes you think would help I would really appreciate it.

Summer holidays coming up soon and would dearly love to be more adventureous(sp) taking the children to places.

I am off to bed to try and sleep but will updatethread tomorrow after the party.

Night

There are quite a few MNers who have/have had similar anxiety issues and should be able to offer you coping strategies: CBT is a very good one for this type of thing. It can be made better, honest. Good luck.

You are still the same person, you have just had a hell of a lot to deal with - no wonder you feel they way you do.

You will one day stick two fingers up to this and be off travelling again. It's good that your DH knows something is up. If you wanted to do CBT via the NHS (not always a long wait) then at least you could say to DH 'I've had enough of this crap, I'm off to the GP to get it sorted so I can be myself again'. I'm sure he'd be pleased to see you turn round and fight it.

Posting on here is a good sign btw. Well done.

ok I'll dig the notes out and photocopy them and send them off. I know I still have them as I am a total hoarder with this sort of thing and keep them 'just in case' - like hell am I going back there again

email me with your address if you are happy to do so

sillious_soddus at hotmail dot co dot uk

can you let me know when you have emailed me as this isn't my usual address so I'll have to remember to check it.

Good luck with tomorrow.

I bet you £500 you don't get genuinely ill while you are out x

x posts-am sat here trying your breathing techniques.

Will be fully armed with newspaper ,proper breathing and positive thoughts.

Alltied up, you have my greatest sympathies.
BigBadMouse I am v pleased to hear the story from someone who has recovered. I can't imagine ever being about to be carefree again.

As I said last night I have very similar worries to you.
I can manage the school run most days now but anything more than that makes me anxious then I get an upset tummy and so avoid going anywhere/doing anything for fear of getting caught out.
I do try to make myself do certain things but suffer terribly in teh build up to them.

My dh knows all about it and dd (7) has an increasing awareness of it too ()

Only 2 RL friends know. I think others would be shocked to discover I was like this.

I can't manage taking the kids for days out. I feel terrible for them missing out on things dh takes them places at the weekend and I stay home.

I avoid anything which involves a car journey (my worst situation) or things like doc/dentist appts. I'm dreading the journey for our summer holiday already and it's still 6 weeks away.

I'm going to look into CBT as soon as I'm brave enough.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know you are not alone.
I hope you manage to take dd to the party today x x

ok, you have to get treatment for this. For you and for your family. Do not let this evil thing take over your life.

I got a version of this after I was in a plane crash when i was younger. And then I had an awful experience on a train when i was actually sick, had to get off and then couldn't get home. It triggered all this off and it was really nasty.

but you have to start getting the mindset, WHO GIVES A FUCK. But it IS hard.

There's a book called the Agoraphobia Workbook. I'd recommend it. I didn't get therapy but mine wasn't a life long problem and I think, if you are stuck, although it feels DREADFUL asking for help, you must do as a therapist can guide you through exercises.

There is a life after this, I promise. You may always harbour some of these feelings but you will learn to put them out of your mind. Life is so wonderful when you can live it to the full but like a prison cell when something like this traps you.

Good luck and let us know what you decide to do.

So how did you get on then???? Do I win my £500 bet??

bianca - I honestly made a full, total complete recovery. It's absolutely fantastic. I'm so p**d off at the time I lost (effectively 7 years - most of my 20s)as a result of it all but I'm getting over that now. Very rarely I get the odd attack creep up on me but you just tell it to sod off and it goes . Believe it or not, there comes a point in therapy when you are actually asking the panic and anxiety to do it's worst. It is like having a huge fight with this 'being' (for want of a better word) that is trying to ruin your life - there comes a time when you just say ENOUGH, I'm not going to let this happen to me any more. I deserve a life. Don't wait to be brave enough for CBT - it was an incredibly liberating experience for me. I waited too long and lost too much in the meantime. btw -I have had CBT for depression since - that is a harder one to fight tbh.

has anyone paid for cbt privately - how much??

I have a friend in Brighton currently paying for CBT,he said it was £60 a session(1hr)

Worth it imo,if you have the money.

tink - are you having problems getting it on the NHS then?

Alltied up I know exactly how you feel, I was like this a couple of years ago and had CBT which helped alot. I still sometimes get anxious before I have to go somewhere but it is controllable now. Please go to your gp and get him to refer you. My problems also stemmed from the deaths of my parents although it was years after they died. I found judt knowing I was having a panic attack helped and realising it was self fulfilling knowing that the feeling of the heart beating fast gasping for breath is just because there is too much c02 being brethed in due to panicking. Also knowing no one else notices, my councillor told me she held a workshop for people who suffered anxiety and half way throug she asked who felt panicky and lots put their hand up and everyone realised they couldn't tell who was or wasn't by looking at them iyswim.

It is a horrible feeling but please don't let it rule your life I lost at least a year of mine and missed out on alot of things until I got help. In the end I forced myself to go out somewhere everyday even it was just for 5 mins then building it up the more you do it the less scarey it becomes and vice versa.

i did not think you could get it easily on nhs
never tried