Anxiety is taking over my life

[alltiedup]

I feel anxious all the time.
My life is ruled by anxiety.

The only time I feel slightly more relaxed is weekends when I know I don't have to go out if I don't have to.

I get wound up just taking the children to school and get home and spend the next 6 hours anxious knowing I have to go out again.
So will just drink water and feel sick so can't eat aanything.

Will then get home from collecting the children and feel like eating then.

If I have to be somewhere the next day an appointment etc I will not eat the night before.

Weekends is the only time I feel relaxed about eating what I like.

Family celebrations fill me with dread and fake illness to get out of them most of the time.

I worry days/weeks before something I know I have to attend .

It is no life at all and try to hide it from the children and DH.

Have to take DD to a party tomorrow as DH has taken her to the last 3
and refused to take her to ths one.
I have been dreading it all week and just hope I cope with it.

Also I got given some information from my councillor on diet and anxiety I found eating more fruit and veg and limiting caffeine and red meat helped alot. I also drank quite a bit of alcohol of an evening back then which helped numb it but hangovers make it 100 times worse.

tink123 I have personally never had any problems getting it on the NHS (apart from the fact I moved between counties while on the waiting list so had to wait for longer). Some people have mentioed it wasn't easy for them but there has now been a move to provide a lot more Behavioural psychologists on the NHS so things are only going top get better. Also depends on your GP I guess too.

What happened with me is that I saw a locum one day for something unrelated- she asked why I had previously missed many appointments (she had seen many DNAs on my notes to discover this) when I casually mentioned that some days I couldn't leave the house she made me realise how serious that was and referred me straight away. I was so terrified of everything I had never actually looked at the problem rationally before - no time to you see, too busy panicking

I was referred by my HV (I know a helpful HV shock!} A few weeks after ds1 was born I broke down and told her how I was feeling. I was seen very quickly.

Alltiedup, how was yesterday?

CBT sounds like the way to go but presumably I would have to travel to the CBT appts?
that'd put me off for starters.

BiancaCastafiore If you want to try CBT there are several free online courses you could try moodgym is one but the one I found better and it does have specific parts aimed at anxiety is Living life to the full It's not the same as having one to one sessions but it is a start. They also have 2 downloads for relaxation which I have found helpful.

I had anxiety related to depression for years it was made worse when I had a break in and became barely able to leave the house except strangely if it was dark I even stopped using the downstairs of the house and the garden. I could not cope with crowds, noise, strange places,... and I could no longer work

I found a lot of my own techniques for coping which are probably very individual. I never go anywhere without a book, my camera, my music and headphones and a bottle of water. I found I got constant headaches which frequently turned into migraines and a lot of back pain.

I have had (all on the NHS or through work or my union) 3 lots of counselling, group CBT and individual CBT (who also did something called EMDR because I also have PTSD) and I have taken lots of things away from each one although no one thing has cured me I am so much better than I was. Last year I did a course at college called making choices for adults, just one day a week and although some people were doing it for English and maths for me it was just getting me out and of the house and mixing with people. The class was really small so there were only about 6 of us max which helped.

This year I am going to college still part time but I am doing a access to higher education course with the intention of going to Uni to do zoology 2 years ago I would never have believed I could do this. I still have my days and moments, there are still some situations I will not put myself in but I am coping better. I take my friends daughter out to places including the zoo, I have been to visit friends on the coach (not coping with trains yet), I can cope with the bus back from college still not to get there in rush hour, I can even sit in the canteen at lunchtime, although I still feel a little like a frightened rabbit I could not do that in Sept when I started. I am in the process of selling my house which has meant I have had to let people in although the estate agent has shown most people round I have managed to let some people in and show them around. Still can't stand in the kitchen with the back door open or go into the garden, but I am now using the front room which I have not done for 2 years. I still jump out of my skin with loud noises but I no longer burst into tears and have a panic attack when it happens.

2 things that I have really learnt and taken to heart are:

• little steps don't expect too much
• look on the positive side at what you have done not what you have failed to do (still not totally cracked that one although I am expert at doing it for other people )

I have also suffered from this on and off for a number of years. Going through an episode now which is a first for a long time - had a panic attack this morning, but have gotten over it and feel able to cope with the day now. Mine was triggered by an episode on holiday, where I sat down to a meal, and couldnt face eating, (looking back think I had touch of heatstroke) but at the time this triggered a huge panic attack where I genuinely thought I was dying, lay on the toilet floor in a sweating heap - the most frightening time of my life .

This then escalated into a fear of eating in public and also, going on holiday - which lasted for around 5 years. Holidays were literally torture - as you say it is the anticipation of an attack and the anxiety that this generates that is the worst - the constant over-whelming fear that something terrible is going to happen.

I went to my GP's who were helpful and I was referred for couselling which I found OK.

I think tbh I helped myself. I read loads about the subject, and once I realised what a panic attack was, this helped hugely as I realised I wasnt going to die, I would feel absolutely awful for about 10-15 minutes but it WOULD pass, I had coped with it before, and I could cope with it again. With regard to the anxiety, I try to think, "whats the worst that could happen?" in my case, it would be having a panic attack in full public view, and possibly being sick in public, however, if I rationalise this I think, well, really, in the grand scheme of things is that really so bad?? Could be embarassing, but it's over quite quickly, and you can move on.

I think accepting you have an issue is also important - I try not to think, oh god, why am I like this? why me? and I try not to fight it too much, iyswim, I just think, well, this is "my thing" - most people you speak to have a fear of something, and I suppose when I think of the terrible things some people endure I kind of try and think well, my "thing" isnt the worst, I can manage it.

In saying all of the above, I dont think this ever really leaves you, I would have said last week I was fine, but over weekend I have felt rotten again, (d & v triggers this, as does feeling down), but even just writing this has made me feel a bit more positive.

You will manage it, but I think as I said above acceptance is a big part of it, I really hope you feel better now. Try and take one day at a time, if that is too much, an hour at a time, it WILL pass.

i alos suffer from anxiety - though a different strain to yours...! It is hideous when it strikes and it is almost always unannouned. One book which I THOROUGHLY recommend is 'Peace From Nervous Suffering', by Dr Claire Weekes. It is about pani and anxiety in general but she does talk loads about Agrophobia. It is an oldish book but for me, when I was at my very worst, it was an ABSOLUTE lifesaver. Please do yourself a favour and buy a copy. I still have my copy and read/refer to it as necessary when the anxiety gets on top of me. Good luck - be happy.

I have an appointment to see a doctor about my anxiety this afternoon but am already worrying about being able to tell him about it and what he'll think of me

fiestabelle can i ask where you were on holiday?