Cancer Support Thread 96: It’s nearly Christmas - get the sprouts on.

[LemonDrizzle10]

New thread - old one nearly full!

Well no surprises there, my last chemo has been put back again - in the whole cycle of 6 I've only once managed to stick to the 3 weekly interval. I'd resigned myself to it but it's disappointing.

They're also concerned about blood clots still so I've got to have a face to face appointment and possible scan next week.

I have decided though (and I have checked it's ok) that I can get back on my horse, even with the Picc line in, it's been over 6 months and I'm desperate! Just told to wear long sleeves and be careful, but it will only be a short hack round the farm as the horse is as unfit as I am.

Hopefully the weather is nice for everyone, I'm busy now planning stuff to do next week.

@frostyfingers Sorry to hear that - delays are v frustrating. Hope all goes well with your appointment and possible scan, and that you have a good ride!

I have been thinking about how stoical everybody is. It kind of blows my mind, as I am outraged by how horrible it all is. I've been trying to work out whether my symptoms are worse than other peoples', and I'm pretty sure that actually I'm having an average or maybe somewhat easier ride than most - but somehow I don't seem to have other peoples' good grace in the face of suffering! Maybe I need somewhere to express the pain of it all fully. I've signed up for the 'moving forward' course so will see if that is the right place, but if not then I'll have to arrange something else - even if just a massive scream on a deserted moor where no-one can hear me?

@breastcancerpanic I spent a jolly hour or so shouting “ f you cancer!” on a deserted beach.

we all react differently and somehow have to get through this thing. Finding it challenging now 8 weeks after chemo and feeling I should be stronger / better but still somewhat chemo fogged and sleeping loads. I’m on a phased return next week and feel more anxious than excited. I think the impact has yet to hit me tbh.

My first post- treatment mammogram invite came today. How has almost a year gone by? Next Saturday marks a year since the mammogram that saved and derailed my life.

@frostyfingers I'm sorry the chemo has been delayed. Hope you recover sufficiently to get this last lot done. I hope you enjoy your ride - I used to ride, just at a riding school, until about 18 months ago when they dropped their weight limit and I was too heavy!

@breastcancerpanic I know what you mean about trying to judge your symptoms against what others are going through. I've been told by the nursing team I've had a really hard time and I've coped really well but j just think 'Well, I bet you say that to everyone. ' I don't know if I am looking for proof of how wonderfully strong I've been (sarcasm, BTW) or if in fact I want to be told actually, you didn't have it that bad so get a bloody grip, woman! I guess in the end it doesn't really matter which it is, we just need to make our peace with whatever went on and however we coped with it.

My stupid wound has been seeping on and off since I had it cleaned and fresh tape applied on Friday. I know the healing is improved with just the taping, but the lack of dressing/ gauze means that whenever it leaks, my bra and shirt get stained and that's a right royal pain in the arse. Mind you, if that's the worst of my problems... 😊

Thank you @breastcancerpanic @dancingwhilstfacingthemusic @Poledra . I think it’s amazing what you can cope with, even if sometimes you really don’t feel like you are. I also wonder if I’m having it easier or harder than others but I guess treatment & side effects are so very specific to each person that it’s impossible to measure it.

On the plus side I had a lovely ride, out in the sunshine at 6.30am listening to the birds tweeting away (one advantage of being a crap sleeper!)

@frostyfingers I love that photo - it is gorgeous!

@frostyfingers that is just heavenly. I hope it was as wonderful as it looks. Things like this are never taken for granted but are extra special at times like this.

I know you know, but this is hard on us all - no one except people going through it would understand. These online friendships have helped me so much - I truly appreciate and thank all of you who have posted (& to those who are lurking, keep going, you legends).

This is just glorious. I’m so glad you did it. There’s nothing like being on or with a horse. I’m back in the saddle on 14th. Cannot wait.

Here’s a question. Which I will also be asking my oncologist when I see him next and my surgeon for my next check up.

I’ve had chemo. Surgery where the results were clear margins. And now radiotherapy to mop up any other lurkers (cancer was found in node but apparently it had been blitzed by chemo).

am I now in remission? Am I cancer free? What am I?

My oncologist said 'there's no evidence of disease' and to think of myself as 'cancer free' @ememem84 Mind you, I was pressing him about recurrence at the time!

I'm four days into my tamoxifen, and so far have noticed .... absolutely nothing! A slightly sore neck, but that may not be related.

Thanks @BatshitCrazyWoman thats helpful. I’ll ask when I see them next.

Getting out on a horse on Saturday was very therapeutic indeed, I've done every morning so far, and by god it's been cold! I know I won't be able to after chemo but am taking advantage of my extra week. More than anything I'm desperate to get this Picc line out - I'm reacting to every dressing they use, it's as itchy as hell, there's a bruise under it and the whole area is sore. I've asked that they remove it straight after chemo and made sure that's on my notes so they can't miss it - the district nurse who does the flushing and dressing stuff has said that I say she insists on it being taken out straight away!

I know what you mean about this thread @dancingwhilstfacingthemusic - this is the only place that I've really been able to articulate my feelings about this whole nightmare, with family I've held back a bit for some reason and since DH is going through his own, worse, cancer shit I haven't wanted to offload on him.

So envious of the horseriding, @frostyfingers! Glad something good has come out of the delay.

I do not, however envy you the PICC line - they look a right PITA. I am fortunate enough to have a Portacath, and I'm hanging onto it until everything is done as it makes life so much easier.

@Poledra well I managed to fall off this morning🙄but no harm done except a bruised elbow and feeling a bit jarred up. Horse whipped around too quickly for me and I went out the side door! That wouldn't normally have had me off but obviously my core is no more and my general strength is gone.

I have my last chemo booked for Monday, followed by immediate removal of the PICC line, yay! I'm concentrating on the relief of having that gone rather than the grimness of what's to come. The issue with my arm is "cording" apparently, it's between my elbow and wrist and very ugly if I twist my arm, the swelling and discomfort is caused by it as well. The nurse said that it can take a long time to go away so I think I'll just have to stop stressing about it and deal with once treatment is finished.

I've just been to the garden centre so that I can do some planting if I feel like it next week, it needs to warm up first though, it was 4 degrees when I went out this morning.

Have a nice weekend everyone, if you can.

Woop woop! @frostyfingers all fingers crossed for a smooth treatment and removal. My picc was definitely my friend, seeing me through 16 blood tests and 16 treatments. I was glad to get it out.

It's been 8 weeks since my last chemo and I went on a trial morning at a local gym and pool today. I'm not going to build my fitness unless I get some exercise! I enjoyed the trial and will join up. The pool was warm, which was lovely on my achy letrozole joints. I got talking to two ladies who were also swimming, I had told them I was a bit nervous about coming as I had been unwell. They both revealed that they both had had mastectomies (neither knew). I burst into tears and we all ended up having a group hug in the middle of the shallow end! So I seem to have gained a couple of new swim pals too.

Keep going everyone. The main treatment does end (eventually) and then we have to bugger on ahead with life in the best way that we can.

Hooray @frostyfingers - so glad to hear this!

@BatshitCrazyWoman that's encouraging - I love the idea of the shallow-end hug! I'm feeling pretty frustrated at having finished chemo but still feeling rubbish. It's not surprising - I'm only just over 2 weeks since the last chemo - but I'm so impatient to get onto rehabilitation. You are a bit ahead of me so giving me something to look ahead to...

I’ve left the island again.

im in Manchester this weekend with my sis. We’re seeing Bryan Adams this evening. Have spent the day shopping and lunching.

@dancingwhilstfacingthemusic Oh well done on signing up for swimming, I loathe it unless it's somewhere I can dry on a sunbed with a drink in hand so it won't be for me, hence the slightly more dangerous riding, and less dangerous but rather tedious dog walking! How nice to have made some new pals already, I hope you enjoy it.

@breastcancerpanic I can imagine I'll be the same in expecting a miracle recovery from chemo, although I've just heard that my radiotherapy is 20 sessions starting on 4th June and finishing 1st July so I suspect it'll be a while before I feel more like myself. Hang in there, it'll come.

@ememem84 Jealous of your Bryan Adams concert, I saw him ages ago, when he was first on the scene (yes, I'm that old!) and thought and still think he's great. I saw Bruce Springsteen a year ago before my life went haywire, and it was absolutely brilliant, there's something about live music that lifts the soul - have fun!

@frostyfingers i will!!!! I’m excited! I haven’t been to a live gig for so so long.

That's my last chemo done and the PICC out, yay! Just this next week of hell to get through and then I'll feel like I can put that bit of treatment behind me, it's been a long haul and it hasn't really hit me yet that it's over. I'm probably underestimating the effects of 20 radiotherapy sessions but surely nothing can be as bad as chemo?🙏.

Hope you all had a nice weekend - how was Bryan Adams @Poledra ?

Doh, that should have been to @ememem84 about Bryan Adams, sorry!

Brilliant, @frostyfingers what an achievement! You’ve been our superstar of tenacity through extreme crap.

@frostyfingers oh the gig was amazing!!! So much fun.

I forgot how much I love live music.

im back at work on Monday (just a phased return 2 hours a day for the first 2 weeks and from home) so this was a nice thing to end the time off with. End on a high and all that!

Thank you, I think we all deserve a medal to be honest!

Following in @frostyfingers hoofsteps I’m off riding this morning. First ride in about 12 weeks. The sun is blazing. The sky is blue. I am a happy face!