Cancer Support Thread 96: It’s nearly Christmas - get the sprouts on.

[LemonDrizzle10]

New thread - old one nearly full!

@EachandEveryone I hadn’t realised how complicated your situation was. Bloody cancer. Glad to hear of the eye lift and hope it’s not due to too icky a further situation. KBO.

I’ve not reached vertical hold yet today but it’s sunny outside so I should attempt a walk. Killer headache, which makes the nausea worse but I’ve been asked to try to avoid painkillers due to my grumbling liver. Don’t want to delay any treatments if I can help it.

December. Can’t say I feel the remotest part like celebrating Christmas but I’m sure the family will give me a lift and I’ll be cheered by their joy.

Is this for spouses of cancer patients, as well?

Hi @Forrressstloverr this thread is for people who are undergoing or have undergone treatment. There is a separate thread for spouses. Topofthecliff will know where that is, she’s not on this thread yet.
Does anyone else know where to find it?

Quick intro from me: triple negative breast cancer discovered via CT scan after admittance to hospital via A&E with diverticulitis. Lumpectomy performed 4 weeks ago, plus 3 lymph nodes taken - no cells in the margin and nothing in the nodes so all good on that front, plus a negative test for BRCA etc. Chemo and radio lined up so all looking pretty positive on that front until this time last week.

My DH was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last Sunday (I feel sick writing that) and is still in hospital. They had hoped to operate but it is too close too important stuff and too big so the intention is to put a stent in to get rid of the jaundice and then go for chemo. We have no idea of stages yet but I can only think the worst. I'm going in for 3 hours every day and then he has another visitor in the evening, but my wound site is sore and uncomfortable still and I don't know if this is because I'm doing too much, or normal. I have a call planned with my BCN tomorrow to ask.

My oncology appointment is this week and I have to get my head around my treatment as well as what's happening to him and it's just impossible. How the hell do we cope with both of us having chemo? I have an appointment with the clinical psychologist this week too which I so nearly cancelled since my results had been encouraging - poor person is going to be dealing with a lot more than they expected.

All this Christmas stuff is doing my head in, the assisted dying bill last week the same, and likewise the "plan your summer holiday" articles in the papers. I loathe looking at anyone who is older than us and am feeling so bitter and angry I can't believe it.

Right now there's not even the smallest hint of positivity that I can find in life.

Friends and family are amazing but they can't take the pain away. 😪

@frostyfingers I’m sorry to hear about your DH, that’s really hard and I’m sorry that nobody can take it away. It’s shit. Thinking of you.

Thinking of you @frostyfingers

@Forrressstloverr Sorry to hear your OH has cancer, the spouses thread is this one https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/life_limiting_illness/4729740-the-storm-part-3

So sorry @frostyfingers and sending love.

Summoned by @LemonDrizzle10 I am here but I see that @Penguinsn has already put up the link to The Storm thread. I hope your DH gets the best and most effective treatment @Forrressstloverr and that you are able to support each other. My DH has been a total star during my prolonged treatment and I really treasure him as a result.
Quick recap of my chequered past as we are doing an intro.
2020 Triple positive BC grade 3 treated with FEC-THP during which I dislocated my ankle and had it pinned and plated. Right sided Lumpectomy and Radiotherapy
2022 Sailed singlehanded round the UK while DH cycled along the coast and raised £12000 for Macmillan
2022 Triple negative BC grade 3 treated with AC-T through a port. Left lumpectomy and radiotherapy then six months oral capecitabine.
2024 Right total hip replacement
I am now getting fitter, stronger and slimmer and starting to enjoy life again. I have learned to take nothing for granted and to enjoy every good moment.
I am happy to be able to report that plodding grimly through the hardest of treatment is worthwhile and it does come to an end. Things that helped included yoga, lots of cake and optimistic denial. Also these threads and the company of fellow travellers on the road.

Thanks @Penguinsn and @TopOfTheCliff

Sorry to hear your news @frostyfingers.
That’s utterly shite.

Yes @frostyfingers sending love and strength to you. While DH is in hospital try to look after yourself and allow recovery so that you can help him when he gets out. It's just impossible to take in such a life-altering situation.

First of all so sorry @frostyfingers. Sending you lots of support, and I am here to listen.

My intro: diagnosed at 49 with grade one oestrogen/progesterone positive, HER negative breast cancer. 'Multi-focal' so there are two tumours - one 3cm, one tiny one (1mm). Unfortunately it has also been find in one sentinel lymph node (1/4). I have had surgery, and have chemo, radiotherapy and hormone therapy all to come. (They have decided to treat the cancer as 'node-positive', rather than as 'grade-one' - apparently it's not usual for it to be both).

Recent news: I have just had a helluva week. So I had had a mastectomy with implant reconstruction about 4 weeks ago. The drain was left in, as quite a lot was still coming out, but all was healing great. Then a week ago I got a crazy infection - I believe because the drain connections were not tight and it devacced and kept falling open. I have just spent last week in hospital with antibiotics on drips etc, and I felt so rough! I think, as rough as I've felt in my life. After much debate, we all agreed that they just needed to take the implant out (so I could get past the infection quickly and get onto chemo), so I'm now flat on one side.

An unexpected thing is that I don't mind the flatness. I kind of wish I had gone for this from the start. But maybe I'm just so grateful to have the source of the infection gone that I am glad to see the back of it and this just feels 'clean'.

@frostyfingers lots of love to you. This little corner of the internet is here when you need us and there are many caring strangers out in the world thinking of you. This is too bloody cruel.

Blimey @breastcancerpanic what a time you’ve had. I hope healing is well on the way. I was talking to dh last night about what a time it was healing from all my operations, particularly that bloody drain. Although I got through day to day ok, looking back I wonder how I did it. I guess we don’t get much time to process all this whilst it’s being thrown at us. Pleased to hear that flat is ok and you can make other choices later if you want.

I’ve an implant on one side and am a couple of cup sizes at least smaller. I’m getting used to it still but I think it was right for me. I had a session with the hospital bra lady and was a bit upset to see that she has given me a prosthesis which covers the full boob on that side rather than a “chicken fillet” which gives a bit of lift where the smaller boob is. I felt like I’d gone through all the surgeries but still needed a falsie. I’ve ordered a couple of chicken fillet thingies from what looks like a good Amazon seller and will report back. Typically, it looks like Amazon have lost them as they’re saying if no sign of them here by tomorrow they will refund (should have come Saturday). I’m waiting on my prosthetic and bra also to come in the post from the hospital. I’ve no doubt these are excellent but it’s just so hard to get my head around. The prosthetic from the hospital should have been £115!! Once you’re ready to and if it’s the way you want to go, ask your hospital if they provide a bra/ prosthetic service.

Pyjamas-wise I love the site suggested. I have a load of PJs from seasalt and they’ve been daywear around the house too.

I've seen these threads in Talk over the years and never thought I'd join them but here I am...

53 years old, diagnosed with Stage 3 HER2+, hormone negative breast cancer, following a routine screening mammogram. Have had contrast mammogram and ultrasound plus biopsy to get this far. Also had a guided biopsy under mammogram last week during which I fainted - such fun! The team said they were very glad that I managed to warn them (apparently I said 'Oooh, light-headed, light-headed!' before I slumped forward so they managed to catch me!).

CT scan later today, first appointment with the oncologists later this week. Current plan is neo-adjuvant chemo plus HER2-directed therapy followed by surgery then radio.

Haven't told my kids yet as two are away at university, fibbing my way through with my youngest who's still at home (20, 18 and 16 years old). DH so far being pretty good but he cannot drive so I'm taking myself to/from all appts. Also have not yet told my elderly parents, who live 400 miles away as they have enough to deal with but have to do that soon.

Work are being fantastic but I work in biotech healthcare (in oncology!) so really they have to be!

Trying to be positive as the medical team have used the words 'curative therapy' but am so very very scared.

@Poledra welcome and sorry to see you join the best thread nobody wants to be on. Have you made a plan to tell the DC? You won’t be able to hide chemo as you will almost certainly lose hair and feel rough on treatment weeks. They will cope better than you think!
Your team will be hitting you as hard as they can to aim for a complete pathological response (ie no cancer found at surgery). It’s a rollercoaster but you will get through and we are here to listen when it is testing you.

@Poledra so sorry to welcome another member of our band of supportive people. My children are 24 and 27 and live with me / nearby. My treatment started with an operation, which turned into three and then to chemo rather than radio. Once I had a plan I told them and was as reassuring as I could be. They help to keep me going and I’ll put on a “game face” for them which gives me a lift. It also helps me not to dwell on the darker stuff as I need to give them positives. I can see them seeking ways to help and gladly accept drinks / food, particularly when things are a bit trickier. I’ve seen them relax more as they notice I’m taking things a day at a time. I’ve also shared selected positive highlights from oncology / surgery feedback to reassure them. We lost my dad too during this and an upshot is that we are all so much better at doing small things together and telling one another loving stuff - as well as me still teasing the heck out of them. Dad died before he knew, which I’m grateful for but my 80 year old mum is managing with the news way better than I thought she would and is such a support, even from 100 miles away.

@Poledra hey - so sorry you’re here. The club that nobody wants to join. My diagnosis is similar to yours - I had TCHP chemo/immuno and it’s done its job - no tumour remaining visually on MRI and now awaiting a mastectomy in two weeks. Chemo is a bitch but it’s all doable. I found it easier to tell family and friends once I had a treatment plan - and you don’t have to tell everyone everything. I found a quick, “I have breast cancer, it’s treatable and curable and I need chemo then an operation” is all I need to tell work/some friends etc. Close family have more questions which is fine.

If you have any questions, do ask on here or speak with your BC nurse. Sending hugs

Thank you for the lovely welcome.
@TopOfTheCliff I definitely do plan to tell my DDs before I start treatment but was holding off till the older 2 come home for Christmas. If I am able to start chemo before, then I'll have to tell them on the phone but if I don't have to, I'd rather wait.

@littlecaf can I ask how long the chemo/immuno went on for? I'm trying to work out what temp cover we need at work while I'm out (I'm head of my department) but I don't know how long I'll need cover for!

Hello, I'm new & am grateful for the previous thread which I read during initial investigations.
I have HER2+ hormone negative grade 3 breast cancer (according to needle biopsy in November.)
I had a wide local excision and sentinel node biopsy yesterday.
Now waiting for an Oncology appointment after the full pathology results - apparently it's possible they'll find other flavours of cancer in the full tumour?
The breast care team's approach has been not to want to overload my tiny lady brain with information but, as I have other long term conditions and had to have telephone appointments with Neurology. Gastro and Haematology, they've all somewhat let the cat out of the bag by telling me that their expectation is that I will have Herceptin/Chemo.
I'm 55 years old, married with 3 young adult offspring, who all know the situation.
Work and a very small number of friends know and have been great.
I can't bring myself to tell my parents (90 yr old dad's prostate cancer has just been diagnosed as metastatic, he's stoic, mum's struggling) and my 3 siblings generally turn a drama into a crisis, so am deferring sharing with them until I have a definite plan (and have had a stiff drink!)
We don't intend to tell my husband's parents if avoidable (they live 200 miles away) as they're both elderly and chronically unwell, which makes their tendency to catastrophise understandable but still difficult to cope with.
Any advice on sharing difficult news with people who are already quite emotionally fragile would be really appreciated!

@Poledra 4 and a half months - chemo every 21 days for 6 sessions - that’s me though, yours might be different. Then surgery is a four week recovery - the nurses originally told me 9 months to a year. I also need Phesgo (herceptin) every three weeks for a year, but that only takes 10 mins.

Do check what chemo you are having though - I think TCHP is most common for neo adjunctive treatment for HER2+ cancers.

Thanks @Poledra for the information about treatment and recovery time. I'm hoping to return to work on Monday as my job is very, very sedentary and my trainees treat me like a grumpy old lady who requires regular cups of tea. (Absolutely no idea why...)

Hello @Poledra and @SuboptimalSitu . Sorry you are both here but this is definitely the kindest spot on mumsnet. I would be lost without it. I got diagnosed in May. Multifocal little git hormone + Actually similar to you @breastcancerpanic in that it was grade 1 but mine was also in nodes and more than one so mastectomy full LN clearance in July and now I am half way through Chemo. Radio at the end of January. @TopOfTheCliff @Penguinsa and @LemonDrizzle10 to name but a few held my hand in May whilst I fell off the sanity shelf. As time goes on it does get easier. A plan and treatment reassures you there is light moving on. In terms of telling people..honestly it is a total surprise how different people are. I have two DS who are 13 and 17. Been really brave and handled it all so well. My mum and siblings who I thought would step up..have been a nightmare. Colleagues at work and my sort of adopted boss have been amazing as have my best friends and sis in law. My sis in law saw her own sister suffer with ovarian cancer yet has never not been there for me. I don't think you will know for sure who you can lean on until you tell them. I do get it with elderly parents. My dad is not with us anymore but my mum is now worrying more than me. You will find the right time to tell people slowly. Try to accept that this is about you now and you do need to concentrate on you for a bit..so unhelpful siblings can definitely do one in my book!!

Thank you @somewhereonthe517 for your hard earned wisdom.

@somewhereonthe517 it’s interesting how people react…. Some lovely local friends (mum friends I know through school) have been absolutely bloody amazing (play dates, taking kids to clubs, school run, plus dropping off flowers and chocolate and magazines etc) while a couple of lifelong close friends who also live locally I’ve hardly heard from…..I have a great relationship with my DM but her initial reaction was unhelpful (“well if it’s in your lymph nodes, that’s it!” “No Mum, it’s not like that anymore”) but since we had a chat, she’s been brilliant. I suppose she doesn’t know how to deal with it either.

@Littlecaf

Can't believe your mum said that to you!

Mums are complicated my own told me the other day she preferred my hair short. Well it’s growing through nicely and any shorter I’d be back to being bald!