Been told that I could NEVER donate blood and do bone marrow transplant

[SilentSteps12]

Got the worst ever feeling today after coming to the blood donor centre to donate blood. Everything was going so well before getting my blood taken and then I was told that after some blood test, they found antibodies in the blood. They couldn’t specify what it was but they suspected malaria because I was born in the Philippines. I’m mixed (white and Asian) and there aren’t a lot of donors of this ethnicity so I was really wanting to help with that but the fact that they said I could NEVER donate blood or even do register for bone marrow transplant just made me feel so utterly disappointed in myself. I told the nurse whilst trying to hold back tears “that’s a shame” and she said that it’s. not a shame because they wouldn’t want any blood containing antibodies for a disease to be given to someone who does not have it. True enough but I told her that I just felt like a pain in the ass for wasting their time and a complete failure that I couldn’t even do this one simple thing. I hate myself. 😔

Massive overreaction

Millions of people cannot donate blood. I can’t and don’t consider myself a failure and nor should you.

I had a similar experience @SilentSteps12 except mine was for a historic post-viral fatigue which I somehow didn't realise excluded me (my fault I know). The way it was all handled in the donation centre was so brusque and inquisitive, I felt like a criminal wasting everyone's time with my poisonous blood. I'm rarely ever offended or upset but it led me to put in a complaint about how I was treated there and straight after with a letter received in the post immediately the following day banning me for life.

Obviously, I completely understand that blood that isn't 'perfect' is no good for anyone as a donation but there's a way of saying that kindly. It upset and unsettled me for a little while after so I do understand.

I think the nurse needs to work on her bedside manner considering how important and upsetting this obviously was to you. All that was needed was 'I know it's really disappointing but it's not your fault, it's just one of those unfortunate things and we really appreciate you trying.' Honestly does no one have any empathy these days?

Be kind to yourself OP, you tried to do a good thing and it didn't work out through no fault of your own. You're 100 times braver than me who is terrified of needles and blood and wouldn't consider donating even if they paid me a million pounds. Stop being so hard on yourself.

Lots of people are unable to donate blood for one reason or another. Should they all beat themselves up about it?

Is this some kind of weird virtue signalling, fishing for compliments post?? Loads of people can't donate blood and it's hardly anything worth being traumatised over. I can't donate either due to an autoimmune illness. Was a bit surprised to find this out but it's one of those things you accept. If you're short sighted you can't be a fighter pilot, if you're obese you can't be a runway model, if you have poor grades you won't get accepted into Oxbridge. There are rules for a reason and it's hardly anything personal.

Don't feel bad, OP. They are used to quite a few people turning up who can't donate blood, for whatever reason, either on that one occasion or at all. They want as many people as possible to try to donate, because that is how they end up with enough people that actually do donate.

You certainly haven't wasted anyone's time and you have still done your bit. You have contributed in the way that was possible for you.
I was turned down on a few occasions, because of medications and low iron. And my son showed up once and failed to donate for the less respectable reason that he fainted as soon as the donation began. He had been partying too hard the night before and hadn't eaten on the day itself.

You are still part of the gang and I think you should get as many free biscuits and plastic cups of juice as the people who are lucky enough to have usable blood. xxx

(And of course almost no-one who signs up to donate bone marrow turns out to have a usable match with anyone who needs the donation. Joining the register is like entering the lottery. Just a few people have good fortune.)

I can’t donate either. I have an antibody in my blood that 1% of pregnant women get after pregnancy that means I’m not allowed.

I can't donate anymore due to an exclusion criteria (which has been described by one professional organisation as 'an overreaction based on no evidence of risk') and I was really upset when I found out, so I feel you, OP. I discovered this right at a time when a friend's child was undergoing treatment for a life-threatening illness, including regular transitions, and it particularly stung that I couldn't help the system that was helping him.

I'm a stage 4 cancer patient who needed 18 pints of blood to save my life.

I am, understandably not allowed to donate anything. Blood / bone marrow / organs upon my death etc and it saddens me too.

I understand your disappointment but I'd just like to say thank you for even trying. You'll never know how much it means to people like me

I tried so many times to give blood. First few times, I was too light (wouldn't be an issue now), then my BP was too low, then I failed the Hb test, then, finally, I was allowed to donate and I bled so slowly that they stopped the donation part way through and asked me not to return.

I can donate, but the people at the local donation centre are mostly so unpleasant to donors that it’s dropped right down my priority list- I aim to donate a couple of times a year , but cancel appointments without any guilt if something better comes along. It’s something I do because can and feel I should, but I don’t see why that entitles the staff to behave as though I’ve come in expressly to annoy them. (Every so often I get someone who’s nice to me and make a point of giving feedback, I long ago gave up complaining about the other kind.)

I can't give blood because of smear test results and having had a lletz procedure. My brother can't give blood because he had malaria. That's just life. At least you tried.

I can’t donate blood either which is too bad as I am a universal donor blood type of O-. My Dad was O- too and donated blood for as long as I can remember until he was too old and frail. So I wanted to follow in his footsteps when I became and adult.

I also looked into it but can’t due to being under 10 stone in weight so I don’t have enough blood to donate. I’ve since had cancer, so even if I suddenly get enough blood, the blood is now not good enough anyway.

Thems the breaks. Many people can’t donate, at least you tried. So many people don’t even try.

If it makes you feel better there are 1000s of reasons why they can't accept blood. Unless in emergencies or for rare blood groups they reject all women over 30 or who have been pregnant. People with AB+ blood group as it can only be given to AB+.

I can't donate blood due to a diagnosis of ME/CFS/Fibromyalgia. It's not ideal but that's the rules. Your reaction seems extreme. I'd guess that you've got a lot going on personally and you are using this as a stick to beat yourself with.

Don't think of yourself as a failure please its mot your fault! It's actually pretty hard to pass the standards to be allowed to give blood. I'm unable to give blood because I have epilepsy even though it's very well controlled! Also chronically iron deficient for no good reason so my blood is useless

I think given the OPs 'desirable' ethnic background it is much more upsetting than any random person being rejected. A young girl in my city needed a bone marrow transplant and because she had a very unusual mixed ethnicity the pool of potential donors was tiny. There was a publicity appeal across the UK as a last resort. I imagine it would be a massive blow to initially be suitable only to be told it's something you can ever help with.

I totally understand your point of view-I can't donate because of the type of cancer I had. It's like someone took my super power away.
I took stock of things and now volunteer as a trustee for a charity. Occasionally I call the blood donation bank to see if the situation has changed.

As you’ve seen, OP, loads of us can’t donate blood.
There are other things you can do.
Volunteer for a medical charity. ( Red Cross, Marie Curie, your local hospice)
You can volunteer for vaccine or medical trials ( they were happy to have me for one of those 😊) If you Google volunteer for medical research you can register to help with suitable research programmes. I’m in one atm for research into genetic links to CFS.

Unless I am misunderstanding something, it is not correct to say (as a poster upthread has said) that "unless in emergencies or for rare blood groups they reject all women over 30 or who have been pregnant."

I'm way way over thirty and have been pregnant twice and they are happy enough to take mine! In fact they are forever ringing me up to nudge me into making an appointment. I'm O negative, or as I like to think of it 'vanilla' blood type - plain and mild enough that everyone can receive it if there isn't anything better on hand - so they can't get enough of me

I donated for years and now can’t as I needed donations after giving birth. Shit happens

This

I used to donate blood, but then got an autoimmune condition a few years ago, and now can't. It's just one of those things. I certainly don't hate myself because of it

Don't overreact. The fact is you tried and you had the best intentions. I used to give blood but can't now because I've had cancer. It's disappointing but I don't feel like a failure!