Been told that I could NEVER donate blood and do bone marrow transplant

[SilentSteps12]

Got the worst ever feeling today after coming to the blood donor centre to donate blood. Everything was going so well before getting my blood taken and then I was told that after some blood test, they found antibodies in the blood. They couldn’t specify what it was but they suspected malaria because I was born in the Philippines. I’m mixed (white and Asian) and there aren’t a lot of donors of this ethnicity so I was really wanting to help with that but the fact that they said I could NEVER donate blood or even do register for bone marrow transplant just made me feel so utterly disappointed in myself. I told the nurse whilst trying to hold back tears “that’s a shame” and she said that it’s. not a shame because they wouldn’t want any blood containing antibodies for a disease to be given to someone who does not have it. True enough but I told her that I just felt like a pain in the ass for wasting their time and a complete failure that I couldn’t even do this one simple thing. I hate myself. 😔

Well done for trying but it’s not worth getting worked up about. I donated blood once and I was very unwell afterwards (extreme dizziness and vomiting) so I won’t do it again. There are lots of reasons why people can’t donate. It’s an amazing thing to do (two of my close family members had blood transfusions and I know how much of a difference a transfusion can make) but really don’t beat yourself up about something that’s out of your control.

I’ve never been able to give blood as I was given blood transfusions as a child.

It’s disappointing, but it’s far better than them taking risks or cutting corners and people getting unwell.

I’m not allowed to donate blood anymore either as I have POTs, they sent my paperwork off to the “referral team” where they can contact your GP/consultants, etc for approval, but in the end just declined mine and said I couldn’t donate again.

I’m over it, I’m anaemic anyway and have very low blood pressure (systolic BP usually around 95 on a day to day basis), so overall it’s probably better for my own health not to offload a significant portion of my blood volume in one go really.

I've never donated blood (always been needle squeamish), but six years ago after major surgery, l had to have a transfusion.
Feeling very grateful to the two people who donated the blood l was given, l felt it was time for me to return the favour, so did a bit of investigation.
I was surprised and disappointed to find out that having had a transfusion means you can't donate. Understandable, though.
I think my disappointment is more because l wanted to 'pay it forward', particularly as l have a (benign, it's been investigated thoroughly) blood condition which means l have very high platelet levels.
Platelets are used to help stop bleeding, and in cancer treatments. I wish l'd been able to donate, more so because l've lost two people very dear to me to cancer.
It's just one of those things, unfortunately. Don't beat yourself up, OP.
You haven't wasted anyone's time, it's their job to test blood before a donation, and you're not a failure. Give yourself a pat on the back for wanting to donate in the first place. I wish more people would.

I fainted the first time I tried to give blood.

So I've never gone back and I don't feel guilty!

Very odd reaction, lots of people can't donate blood, it's not something to feel bad about.

I’ve been asked not to donate again for slightly different reasons. I am disappointed but understand the reasons.

Your reaction does seem extreme @SilentSteps12, is there something else going on that’s made you react in this way?

You did not waste their time and i am sure they would tell you that. you tried to do a good thing. i got banned after 2 attempts at donating blood went array and i stopped bleeding half way through. i felt awful "wasting their time" they told me no, the bloods can't be used to donate but can be used for research. My sister for banned for similar reasons and my husband is banned due to his medication. Lots and lots of people are banned for loads of different reasons that are not their fault.

You know what i did. I found local blood drives and volunteered to be on reception/help in other ways i could. There's a million ways that you can help support either blood org or other charities and give back without having to donate blood. you have good intentions so make sure you channel them elsewhere. xx

I can't donate due to perceived risk of mad cow disease. There's plenty of other things you can do OP!

I can't donate as I'm neutropenic or donate bone marrow
Was a bit sad about it

I understand you feeling sad that you aren't allowed to do something which you'd offered to do out of kindness and community spirit.

But you have reacted quite oddly.

Can you try to reframe it in your mind that you offered something which wasn't possible and maybe you could do X instead?

Volunteer. Re-post a blood donor appeal. Give a financial donation. Knit a mini wool that for the Age UK Big Knit appeal. Have a declutter and donate the goods to a charity shop etc etc

I'm sorry to hear that, and can see how disappointed you are. There are many reasons you can't donate, mine is that I'm not big enough and my DH has blood pressure that's too low. I'd add up the time you would have spent each year giving blood and pledge to use it for doing something else good - eg. Volunteer, fundraise, help someone you know. That way the time you're not spending on donating blood can be a positive and used to help others. Hopefully that can give you the warm fuzzy feel.

Is there other issues going on as this is not normal or healthy

I cannot donate either because of a hereditary blood disorder.

It really is extreme to hate yourself because of this - that needs some focus to understand why, because it's not a healthy reaction.

I can't donate either, due to a blood transfusion a long time ago.
I don't think any less of myself or blame myself at all. I'm so sorry this has hit you hard, I'm wondering if it has set off a reaction that is actually about something deeper? Sending a hug!

If it makes you feel better OP, I went to donate blood when I was at uni - a group of us went to the blood donation centre at the hospital. It was VERY busy and they had set up some room dividers that ware barely taller than me IN the waiting room (which was big) and that was a makeshift interview room. I got asked all the personal questions IN the waiting room, in that screened off section. "Have you ever had anal sex?" was a particular beauty of a question to be asked when everybody could hear. I was shy and died a thousand deaths.

And then they refused my blood because I'd had (protected) sex with my boyfriend, who came from a country in their list.

I felt pretty the whole experience was pretty humiliating tbh.

There were 6 of us that day and only one could donate..except he fainted before they got blood out of him!

Loads of people can't donate. It actually annoys me that such an emphasis is put on how you should donate, but then it seems there are an awful lot of reasons why people can't. Surely it'd be less waste of time to just tell us who they generally don't want, and who they do.

I can’t donate either. I don’t feel particularly bad about it. It’s not my fault.

You tried, that’s the main thing. I can’t either OP, they can’t bloody get it out- I won’t part with it. They took ages, I almost passed out and they took me off, gave me tea and said please don’t try again. 😕

Are there other things going on OP? You seem to have had a really strong response.

Sorry you're upset but given the blood contamination scandal that left many people infected with HIV and hepatitis, it's incredibly important that blood that may harm recipients doesn't get used. It's not a moral judgement. You can't help having antibodies for something.

This. I wasn't allowed to give for years and thought, "yay a good excuse to avoid needles!" Your response is interesting.

OP, why do you hate yourself? That's a very strong and unusual response to this. Is there more to this?

I donated for years, but I'm now on a medication that stops me donating any more. I am sad about it, but I certainly don't feel hate for myself.

DH refuses to donate which I also feel a bit sad about in part because he's the universal blood type, but also because as a motorcyclist plus military bod it's rather likely he'll need blood donations one day....

I can't donate, I had numerous blood transfusions.

I was happy to go for the first time and give blood as I’m type B- which is rarer. But after medical screening I found out I wasn’t able to. I was a bit gutted as I felt like I was off to do a good thing and then couldn’t do it as planned but these things happen.

There are plenty of other good things that you can do to volunteer and help others if that’s something that you’d like to do 😊

I have a relative who can never donate due to historic malaria. He's had several planned major surgical procedures and was able to bank his own blood beforehand. This meant that donated blood could be reserved for other patients.