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My Ladygarden is in trouble...

49 replies

PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 14:54

Right. I've namechanged for this. I hope.

I went for a long overdue smear test yesterday, and plucked up the courage to ask the nurse to take a look at the rather odd protuberances at my fanjo's front door. They arrived after the baby did, and haven't left. Think piles, but different location. Actually I haven't had piles so I'm not sure about that, but I imagine they're like this. They aren't particularly sore, but they are offputting, to say the least. They seem to be filled with fluid, and they sort of leak, then refill. They're the vaginal equivalent to miniature party balloons marking the doorway entrance to the birthday party. Except I haven't issued a party invite in a long, long time because of the little buggers.

Not a problem, says she. Probably due to pushing in labour, and your stitches or some such. Now take a deep breath, dear...oh look, you seem to be bleeding, hang on, I'll get the doctor...

So the doctor comes along to have a shufty at my nether regions, and says, oh look, they're sort of like polyps, aren't they? You may want to get a referral to a gynae and get them removed.

Rightyho.

Has anyone else had polyps hanging around their 'place'? And had them successfully removed? How does one remove them, anyway?

(am remembering AmateurArseDoctor's thread with growing trepidation)

All help gratefully received. Ta.

OP posts:
S1ur · 15/03/2008 15:03

heh funny post.

Right I have had polyps after birth of dc1. It wasn't quite as exciting as you've described, no filling and deflating or parties but diagnosed as a polyps. As I understand it comes from where your skin as healed and then got a bit over eager and healed some more just to be on the safe side.

What happened to me was... TMI ALERT>>>>>>

I went to an outpaitent department and was sprayed with some kind of numbing agent while they, burnt it off using these little sticks. Not actually as as it sounds and it took about 5 mins then I hopped off bed and went home.

Phew, thanks for making me relive that little pleasure.

Walnutshell · 15/03/2008 15:04

Oh gag. I thought this was going to be a healthy discussion about hairstyles but too much information!

unknownrebelbang · 15/03/2008 15:05

No advice, but very funny OP.

PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 15:06

Thanks for sharing, Slur.

Sore to heal afterwards, was it?

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PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 15:09

sorry Walnut. It is rather gagworthy, I know, but I've kept this to myself for rather too long, and needed the mn collective to tell me I'm not the only mutant with an ornamented part.

I apologise for the shock.

OP posts:
Califrau · 15/03/2008 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrNortherner · 15/03/2008 15:12

What do these polyps look like then?

Mouselady · 15/03/2008 15:12

Oh, I thought you'd tried to do your own Brazilian and got a bit carried away. I could've advised on that. Bloody itchy for weeks.
Sounds dreadful. But I think you'd best get it sorted whatever it takes.
Or following Slur's account, I could come round with some Hopi ear candles?

DrNortherner · 15/03/2008 15:14

Oh dear, I just did a google image search on vaginal polyps...........

PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 15:14

See earlier description of tiny party balloons? Perhaps half filled water balloons. Red ones.

You did ask.

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itsahardknocklife · 15/03/2008 15:14

I bet they're more common than you'd think. Hilarious first post!

Walnutshell · 15/03/2008 15:15

It's OK, I've had a stiff sherry and recovered.

Now I'm feeling your pain as no-one takes your seriously about your "place"... oh that has really tickled me! (Not in my place I hasten to add)

PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 15:18

Hopi Ear Candles and party balloons. Bring your tofu cakes and crystals and NOW we have a party.

Although not of the type I would normally frequent. Thanks, though.

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PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 15:20

No-one's tickled my place either, for obvious reasons, Walnut. Hence my post.

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Walnutshell · 15/03/2008 15:20

pmsl!

no party at your 'place' then?

PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 15:22

Nope. All fun licences have been revoked whilst management considers refurbishment.

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itsahardknocklife · 15/03/2008 15:22

You are brave to have gone the docs with it. I think I'd just have hidden away and never ever shown anyone. Ever.

Granny22 · 15/03/2008 15:31

I had a polyp removed some years ago but from higher up in the vagina. I didn't know it was there and had notgiven me any trouble. It was found during a smear test.

The gynocologist (sp?) said he was just going to have a look which was a bit uncomfortable but not sore. And lo and behold that was it gone. He offered to show me the polyp because it was very large but I declined this generous offer. Then he painted the site with silver nitrate to stop any bleeding. I went back to work as I felt fine - no pain at all - but when I got home my pants were full of bits of silver. I suspect this is the nicker silver that they make cutlery with!

PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 15:36

See, I didn't go under that premise. I went to have a sensible thing done, and casually said, "whilst you're in the area, would you mind awfully taking a look..."

...at my deformed and embarrassing protuberances, was the unspoken end of the sentence.

Not brave, really. They're really not that bad as I'm making them sound. I mean, they don't jangle together around my kneecaps or anything. You wouldn't think, "hmm, she dresses to the right, hermaphrodite freaky lady"

They're very small, really. It's just that, well, they're there.

OP posts:
PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 15:42

'nicker silver'

I think I want me some of that. T'will go well with the balloons.

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pinkteddy · 15/03/2008 15:44

Oh Granny22! the things we women have to go through - men don't know they are born!

Maidamess · 15/03/2008 15:45

poly i have had the pleasure of seeing said 'party balloons' down under too, as I have had 3 kids and they didn't appear until the 3rd. they are almost like mini blood blisters, aren't they? the only thing I worry about is if I ever resort to waxing down there it may take the top of one of them off

PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 15:48

Maidamess - yep that's exactly it. But waxing them? Aaaaaarrrrghhhhhhhhh

So you've left yours?

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Maidamess · 15/03/2008 15:50

Yes I have left mine. I try to stay away from that department unless its absolutely necessary.

The only people to see them are my dh , and he's blind without his lenses in, and the doc, and he gets paid to look down there, lucky him!

S1ur · 15/03/2008 15:55

I'm happy to share if it eases your embarrassment.

Honestly not sore after, bit eurgh during, and its a act of cauterising so no healing really to be done.

I had my removed because I wsa a bit aware of it during sex and the like. But as I say there not malignant or unusual or dangerous so if you're not bothered don't do anything.

Really not a prob to get it whipped off though iyswim.

However, since I've shared, cmon girl fess up who are you?