Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

General health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

My Ladygarden is in trouble...

49 replies

PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 14:54

Right. I've namechanged for this. I hope.

I went for a long overdue smear test yesterday, and plucked up the courage to ask the nurse to take a look at the rather odd protuberances at my fanjo's front door. They arrived after the baby did, and haven't left. Think piles, but different location. Actually I haven't had piles so I'm not sure about that, but I imagine they're like this. They aren't particularly sore, but they are offputting, to say the least. They seem to be filled with fluid, and they sort of leak, then refill. They're the vaginal equivalent to miniature party balloons marking the doorway entrance to the birthday party. Except I haven't issued a party invite in a long, long time because of the little buggers.

Not a problem, says she. Probably due to pushing in labour, and your stitches or some such. Now take a deep breath, dear...oh look, you seem to be bleeding, hang on, I'll get the doctor...

So the doctor comes along to have a shufty at my nether regions, and says, oh look, they're sort of like polyps, aren't they? You may want to get a referral to a gynae and get them removed.

Rightyho.

Has anyone else had polyps hanging around their 'place'? And had them successfully removed? How does one remove them, anyway?

(am remembering AmateurArseDoctor's thread with growing trepidation)

All help gratefully received. Ta.

OP posts:
PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 16:13

Oh no no no no

You wouldn't know me, I'm sure.

But each time I posted in the future, you'd think 'water balloons' and any remaining vestiges of credibility would be squished.

(Much as the offending growths in question are prone to be as evidenced yesterday.)

OP posts:
Walnutshell · 15/03/2008 16:16

are you a celeb poster?

S1ur · 15/03/2008 16:18

Well then you must keep this name because you are being very funny and I like to stalk keep track of witty posters.

Walnut that sherry was for cooking

PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 16:18

Gosh no!

I am one of the masses. Very insignificant.

OP posts:
Walnutshell · 15/03/2008 16:21

smartiepants!

Officer Slur, it was only the one, just a little one (hic)...

Walnutshell · 15/03/2008 16:24

Polyp, are you on the arsedoctor thread? ...

PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 16:28

Thanks Slur. I suspect that any temporary wit may be amputated along with the water balloons; time will tell. I may raise my head above the parapet under this pseudonym in future, tho.

There's always those questions to be asked from time to time.

Shall ponder the balloonectomy now. To zap, or not to zap. hmmm.

OP posts:
PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 16:31

Walnut - nope.

Yikes. Am quickly trying to banish mental image of arsedoctor's thread. Was it a thread? Or an elastic band?

Am not on it anyway.

OP posts:
Walnutshell · 15/03/2008 16:35

hmm, can't start guessing from that thread then.

will have to hope that you inadvertently return to this one with your 'real' MN name and post the conclusion...

I'm nothing if not nosey genuinely interested and concerned.

sylvev · 15/03/2008 19:03

I had a polyp higher up after first birth, found during smear test. Nurse said "Ooh you've got a huge......polyp up there, I'll get doctor"
I had no idea what a polyp was and was a quivering jelly by the time they returned. All was explained, referral made to gynae and when I got up I fainted, banged head on something and had to have 5 stitches on head!

Had it removed some weeks later(same as granny22), consultant showed me the offending polyp and I was sick all over him!!

I'm really pleased I've found an opportunity to tell my polyp story again....

PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 19:18

eeek, sylvev. See, that just goes to show how insignificant my little pals are. You'd never call them huge.

Interesting you mention telling your polyp story 'again'. Is it a party anecdote, perhaps? You know; "How did I get that scar on my head? Interesting story, that, though perhaps you may want to put aside your olive whilst I begin..."

OP posts:
sylvev · 15/03/2008 19:23

I have a trunk load of tales, don't get me started....maybe one day I'll share the one about the tampon and Mrs. W's washing basket Have to go now though.....

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 15/03/2008 19:41

Oh Polyp - you've cracked me up

Maybe Assdoc (note the new shortened version she's posting inder these day) will be along shortly to offer condolences and advice.

My fanjo area ain't pretty either. The midwife who stitched me up after ds1 had to ask advice as to which bit went where. I don't imagine she was very good at
jigsaw puzzles.

PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 22:44

Right. So that's
one vote for getting them nuked into oblivion.
one for leaving them alone (but employing careful waxing technique thereafter).
one dubious recommendation for having em 'whipped out' whilst donning crash helmet as precautionary measure.
one for having them gilded.

and a few snurks from onlookers (be my guest - I did go public after all)

Any more for any more? My fate rests in your hands, ladies. You are making a valuable contribution to my gynaeologocal welfare here.

OP posts:
PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 22:46

gynaecological, rather. You knew what I meant, anyway.

OP posts:
PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 22:49

Saggar, you've made me ponder...perhaps someone could invent a knitting pattern for a mutilated post-birth fanjo, for midwives to practice their needlework technique on? They could keep them in the same drawer as the knitted christmas pud boobs they use for breastfeeding lectures.

An idea for the arts and crafts thread perhaps?

OP posts:
PrettyCandles · 15/03/2008 22:58

Have been reading this thread with my legs crossed. Partly to prevent PMSL, but partly also because I believe I have a party balloon, too. And, as you so eloquently explained, it does rather throw a damper on issuing party invitations. Only I didn't know it was a polyp. I was told it was a skintag, resulting from the crazy way my skin healed after the first tear. I've been considering girding up my loins and asking medical advice on removing it, but I'm such a wuss about these things. Now I know it can be done, and relatively painlessly, too, I may just brace up and get it dealt with.

PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 23:11

oo oo let's both get them done, prettycandles!

The nurse yesterday did say it was a skin tag at first, and then she accidentally burst it with the speculum (yow) and decided to get a seconf opinion from the doctor.

This is my forte, I think. Confessing my humiliations publically and inviting others to admit they share my shame.

Cathartic, I think.

OP posts:
ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 15/03/2008 23:14

Are they deifnitely not genital warts?

PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 23:18

yup, deffo not warty. Post birth mutilation, I tell ya.

OP posts:
PrettyCandles · 15/03/2008 23:19

Same here.

Hold each other's hand, Pol?

PolypPutTheKettleOn · 15/03/2008 23:22

Deal, prettycandles.

I'll call the GP for a referral on Monday. Who was the other mutant on the thread...

DrNortherner - you with us too?

OP posts:
Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 16/03/2008 09:41

Rofl at the knitting pattern. My midwife defintely dropped a couple of stitches. Or she could have been crocheting.........hard to tell really.

vInTaGeVioLeT · 16/03/2008 09:50

very very funny thread

but on a serious note yuck get them zapped - unless of course you've grown attached to them

BOOM BOOM

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread