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Original poster

Advice on a touchy subject.

29 replies

crapolo · 12/03/2008 18:56

Today i found out i was pregnant(5 weeks ish) I desperately don't want to be, keep hoping it is a dream and that the test was faulty.
I have 3 kids (4.5, 3 and 8 months) Decided no more Dh was to have snip. We hadn't had sex since ds was born i was too scared to get pregnant, but we did two and a half weeks ago was careful
I only took the test as i was late and thought the stress was making me later IYSWIM. still didn't expect it tho.
I really can't have another suffered/suffering still from depression on lithuim as well as anti depressants. Just got accepted to start college, felt like i was getting my life back.
I phoned the drs to get an appt and the first i could get is the 26th! I feel sick and scared i need to deal with this asap. I need to be strong for my other kids. Should i get an emergency appt? Once i see my doctor what happens how long does is take to get things done?
I understand this is a sensitive subject and i'm sorry, but i need to talk to someone as i can't in real life.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 12/03/2008 18:57

best thing to do is call back , tell them you must have an appointment earlier as time is of the essence, i am sorry you are having a tough time

SpacePuppy · 12/03/2008 18:59

Could you afford to do it privately? I'd push and say its affecting your mental sate and you need to see someone asap.

SpacePuppy · 12/03/2008 18:59

State even

MyMummiesAScummyMummy · 12/03/2008 19:00

So sorry for you crapolo, big hugs. Have no so called experience in this area, but am here if you need to chat.

Original poster
crapolo · 12/03/2008 19:03

Thats what i thought i honestly believe i'd be at rock bottom by then. I couldn't afford to go private. My mum comes up every day at 10 to help with the kids but would need her to come at half 8 so i could get an emergency appt...but i don't want her to know so what can i say to her?

OP posts:
lou33 · 12/03/2008 19:04

tell her you have to do some banking early in the morning because you have things to do in the afternoon?

you must get an emergency appointment tho, i think

Original poster
crapolo · 12/03/2008 19:15

well i phoned my mum she's gonna come up told her i need to go the docs about a breast abscess(i'm so crap, but had them in the past and it was the only thing that seemed plausible ) but she'd be so angry if she knew the truth.

OP posts:
Original poster
crapolo · 13/03/2008 19:10

went to docs today definitely pg, referred to hosp for the 25th. i just feel so sad and numb never thought i would ever have to do this

OP posts:
Octothechildherder · 13/03/2008 19:13

You should find out if there is a crisis pregnancy centre near you - they would be able to help, I'm sure.

Poor you - what a difficult decision to make. Trust your judgement though and try not to be too hard on yourself.

squigglywig · 13/03/2008 19:15

If they offer you counselling for afterwards then take it. You can always cancel if you don't feel you need it.

All the very best.

DaBombDiggitty · 13/03/2008 19:16

I feel for you crapolo, but you have to do what is right for you and please try not to feel too bad about it

nickytwotimes · 13/03/2008 19:18

SOrry for you Crapola. It is not an easy choice to make. I had a termination as a very young woman even though I am catholic (pro-choicer though, btw!) I have never regretted it and still feel I did the right thing at the time. Take the counselling if it's offerd. As previous poster said, you can always cancel. All the best. hop eeverything goes ok.

Original poster
crapolo · 13/03/2008 19:32

it feels right but at the same time so wrong. i just want it to all go away.

OP posts:
twotimestrouble · 13/03/2008 20:06

Have you talked things through with DH, what does he advise? I can totally understand your need to move as quickly as poss but you also need to reflect.

I say this because a close friend was in the much the same boat you're in. She had three older ones and her life was back on track. She now suffers depression because of what she did and very much regrets it. Only you know how you'll cope either way but I agree with nickytt, the support of an independent counsellor would be v helpful for you. Good luck.

beaniesteve · 13/03/2008 20:14

It really doesn't take that long on the NHS. As soon as you see your doctor and discuss what youu want to do he will get a second doctor's opinion. You may not even need to see this doctor, he/she just needs to OK the procedure. You will be offered counselling, just one meeting with a counsellor to discuss what you have decided and to make sure you are sure about the decision. It's not awful, just a chat. After that it will be just a couple of weeks.

You can probably get an earlier appointment with your doctor if you call the surgery and tell them why you need to see them, or perhaps your surgery has a system like mine where you can call at a certain time in the morning and get seen that day?

If you know what you want to do and you feel strong enough to move on from it then once you get the process started it is very quick.

beaniesteve · 13/03/2008 20:15

forgot to say they will probably want to do it before 8 - 10 weeks.

beaniesteve · 14/03/2008 10:41

Bump for Crapola. If you need more info I am happy to help.

emma1977 · 14/03/2008 12:16

Making the decision to have a termination is never an easy one, but it sounds as though it is the 'right' decision for you.

Have you talked it all through with your husband?

If you aren't aware already, BPAS offer counselling and advice if you need to talk to someone.

You will probably be offered a 'medical' termination which involves taking medication to induce a miscarriage and means that you can go home and not involve having an operation or anaesthetic. It will tend to be done ASAP, ideally before 8 weeks.

Original poster
crapolo · 14/03/2008 18:47

Dh is been really good about this and we both agree its the right thing. He's taking time off work for the 25th so i won't be alone. I just wish someone could say this is definitely the right thing but i know they can't. i keep fleeting between its the right thing to do and then to no i can't. Thanks for all the advice xx

OP posts:
windygalestoday · 14/03/2008 18:50

hugs (((u and dh))) bump bump too

Judy1234 · 14/03/2008 19:26

This is what the law says about when it is right to have an abortion in the UK.

"A the continuance of the pregnancy would involve risk to the life of the pregnant woman greater than if the pregnancy were terminated;

B the termination is necessary to prevent grave permanent injury to the physical or mental health of the pregnant woman;

C the continuance of the pregnancy would involve risk, greater than if the pregnancy were terminated, of injury to the physical or mental health of the pregnant woman;

D the continuance of the pregnancy would involve risk, greater than if the pregnancy were terminated, of injury to the physical or mental health of any existing child(ren) of the family of the pregnant woman;

E there is a substantial risk that if the child were born it would suffer from such physical or mental abnormalities as to be seriously handicapped;

or in emergency, certified by the operating practitioner as immediately necessary:

F to save the life of the pregnant woman; or

G to prevent grave permanent injury to the physical or mental health of the pregnant woman."

Original poster
crapolo · 14/03/2008 20:20

my reason is my mental health(was suicidel last year) i have 3dc under 4 (all planned and wanted) i'm trying to be the best mum i can be to the three i have and i wouldn't be able to with another littlie, i don't want 4 children and be an ok mum.

OP posts:
mamhaf · 14/03/2008 20:30

Then it's the right thing for you, and your 3dc..it sounds like your dh is being very supportive...but do take the counselling if it's offered.

DforDiva · 14/03/2008 20:39

oh poor you, that could be me next. im due af but late today. im so worried now, since reading your post.
i truly understand your situation. i have dd 3 and ds 6m, my dd tires me to death. i find ds easier than demanding, tantruming dd. so life can be alot harder for you with 3.
dont feel bad, and please be positive.

Judy1234 · 14/03/2008 21:46

So C then - "C the continuance of the pregnancy would involve risk, greater than if the pregnancy were terminated, of injury to the ... mental health of the pregnant woman;"

You also need to work out if your mental will be worse if you do have an abortion too which must be very hard for anyone to predict because none of us can predict the future.

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