dd1, whose weight i was worried about, has said tonight she is fat.

[misdee]

i have never said that to her.

so we have had a talk this evening, she wants to see the GP (am trying to get an afterschool appointment) and see what they say. i think they will just tru and focus on stabilising her little excess podge (she weighs about 4stone, and is 8years old), until her height catches up.

she has said she will stop asking for snacks all the time and will go for the fruit bowl. and exercise more.

what else can we do?

dunno Misdee, all sounds very sensible. It's so hard to get the right line between encouraging them to be healthy while not trying to worry them about food... makes me feel very old, in my day I don't think we were body conscious quite so young!

How does she do on that 'waist should be half your height in metric' thing someone linked to the other day?

Thing that concerns me is children often do put on weight just before a growth spurt - like babies feeding more just before they have one. So I don't want to make ds feel self-conscious about something that might just be normal growth patterns.

worked out about 0.58, so just over.

she is finding it hard to get clothes to do up.

she is very flexiable so i am going over to the leisure centre this week to see about a beginners gymnastic class for her. she did cartwheels all the way home today

I wouldn't say 4 stone was fat for an 8 year old - how tall is she? My dd is just 9 and weighs nearly 5 stone, and is about average on the height/weight charts. The girls in her class seem to talk a lot about weight - I try to avoid it as I don't want her to worry, but she also says she is fat, when she's not.

she hasnt grown upwards for about a year edam, so i am also very wary about focusing too much on weight as i know she could shoot up and thin out very quickly.

i dont think she weighs much either wombat, but she certainly has a bit more of a tummy than before.

her height is average for her age.

I'm just very wary of emphasising weight as they all seem to be quite fixated with it already. Maybe you could bring in the healthy snacks and more walking without her really noticing it?! Difficult I know!

Or sporty after school activities?

looking at your pics, I think she looks like a really, really lovely, pretty girl, with a lovely smile..

I think your biggest danger is that if she starts dieting/calorie counting/cutting out food, she will have a long term weight problem, when at the moment as far as I can see she is just not skinny. 30 years ago, I think you would have just said she had a bit of puppy fat and it would sort itself out, (can't really tell from photos), but these days I suppose we have to take puppy fat seriously.

I think you are right that you need to focus on filling up on healthy food and stabilizing her weight. Positive things to focus on are a 'balanced diet' - she has to make sure she has food from major food groups and plenty of veg and fruit -rather than cutting down.

A tummy comes and goes in no time.

I'd just buy her some bigger clothes, reassure her that it is normal to grow out as well as up, and just keep a watchful eye but no more because her weight sounds fine.

My stepson, aged ten, recently weighed in at 50 kilos. Now that IS something to worry about .

i know she is excessive. but atm her underwear says age 9-10 (so does dd2 age 5 but she is tall and slim).

she hasnt been able to fit i na pair of jeans for a year. am trying to order some of the 'plus fit' ones from next as she is average height and the next size up would swamp her.

i have NEVER mentioned her weight in front of her, have never said anything, as from a young age i was told i was fat. at age 4 i was told i was 'too big' to go on a pony ride. that scarred me.

i do think its puppyfat more than her being 'fat fat' iykwim. i want to make her feel better about herself and not worry too much.

i know myself how hurtful kids in junior school can be

i mean i know she isnt excerwssive

Misdee - both my girls were 'chunky' between ages of 8-12, dd1 is now skinny and tall as she just literally stretched over the yr 7 summer holidays and dd2 is just beginning to do the ssame and she's nearly 12 and a bit podgier than her elder sis was.

She says she's fat but she just has puppy fat and it doesn't help when she compares herself to all her 'overly' skinny friends.

We have a very healthy diet as a family and both her Dad and I were quite slim, the way we are dealing with it is just to educate on a healthy, well balanced diet and encourage more exercise. At her age it comes as quickly as it disappears and as you say she has not grown for a while she's probably just ready for a spurt.

I bet she'll shoot up in the next few months,my dd always did this,went out before going up.

I would just increase the exercise and only have healthy snacks in the house.

She is beautiful!

thank you for your lovely comments on dd1. i think she is beautiful but i am very biased

i dont want to make a big deal out of it, but ust want to help her feel a bit better about herself.

she has some 'skinny' friends, but they are all a lot taller than her.

I just think weight is misleading as it depends so much on build - dd is nearly 6, 120cm tall and weighs 3 stone 8, but has only just gone into 6-7 clothes

she weighs nearly as much as your dd who is miles older, Misdee! don't get stressed out, sounds like you are doing a grand job! x

yes dinny, i do think dd1 build is more like me (short and stocky) then dd2 who is tall and lean. i carry a lot of my weight around my middle.

It is hard, isn't it. I was podgy - and OMG yes, aware of it - at her age (and this was a loooooooooooong time ago, don't believe everything people tell you about the 1970s!). I reckon you're spot on, I really do. I wish my mum had done what you're doing - get me moving a bit more and eating a bit more fruit while not worrying me about it!

very wise words from MI.... just do what you have decided to do - fruit/veg only snacks and bit of extra walking/swims and don't make it into a big deal.

bet she has a growth spirt height-wise soon

I think all this publicity about childhood obesity has made parents of perfectly normal kids worry too much, in a way. As long as she gets healthy food with the odd treat, isn't eating massive portions, and is taking plenty of exercise (gymnastics sounds fab), I would really, really try not to worry about it. I know you say you haven't said anything to her, but I bet somehow kids are aware of the news agenda. Maybe someone in her class has been talking about it?

You obviously know from your own experience how damaging it can be to draw attention to weight. But that's so tricky when it's all around atm.

Hope the GP is able to reassure you and dd.

MI i was an 80's child and very very aware that i was 'bigger' (though looking back not massively so) than my classmates.

I wouldn't necessarily take clothes sizes as a reliable guide, either, they vary so much between different companies. Just get her the next size and take the legs up!

ooh, just thought, have you seen eatwell.gov.uk? It's the Food Standards Agency healthy eating site, has guidelines for different stages.

does she really need the GP? can you just say the whole more fruit/more skipping etc and leave it at that?

not sure dinny. leaflet at the docs said if clothes dont fit for their age group should see the gp.

mind you dd2 is only 5 and wearing stuff for years bigger than her as she is tall.

i am useless at this weigth stuff, how can i help her really when i am still 4.5stone overweight.